What exactly it means to be married, and married well, is at the heart of Ayobami Adebayo's Stay With Me. When we first meet Yejide, we learn that technically, she's had a long marriage. She's lived apart from her husband, Akin, for many years, but she receives an invitation to attend his father's funeral as his guest that sends her on a reminisce about their past, and how their separation came to be. They met at university in Nigeria, and though they were both seeing other people at the time, quickly fell in love and got married. Their marriage was happy, except that even after several years, they were childless. Though Akin and Yejide were a modern couple, his parents were traditional, and if their first-born son couldn't produce an heir for the family with his wife, they had a solution: a second wife.

This is the first in a series of what come to be deep, deep cracks in Akin and Yejide's relationship. Yejide is desperate to keep her husband to herself, and knows that in order to do that, she must somehow become pregnant...which she does. The plot has several twists and turns, and while I'm usually not especially fussed about spoilers, this is one of the cases where I feel like letting the plot unfold as you read is important. Though the book is relatively short (under 300 pages), Adebayo deals with some powerful themes: love, marriage, mental health, trust, family, sex, and what it means to be a parent.

This is a debut novel, and in some ways, it shows. Some of the plot twists seemed to be a little too difficult to believe, and it sometimes felt that they were being deployed too quickly, with too little time for each to really settle and resonate before the next one came along. And while I appreciated the way she paralleled the upheavals and tensions of the central marriage alongside the political turmoil roiling Nigeria during the lives of the characters, references to it often felt shoehorned in. I felt like the book should have been longer, which could have ameliorated both issues by letting the plot breathe a bit.

At the end of the day, though, this is the kind of debut which makes me really excited for the author's follow-up(s). Yejide is a fantastic character...she's not always likable, and often makes poor choices, but remains sympathetic throughout. The perspective we get into her childhood informs the person she comes to be, and I wish we'd gotten a bit more of this with Akin. We get some, but he's less well-developed than she is and I think the book could have been even stronger if we'd gotten more of his perspective. Despite its flaws, I enjoyed this book and look forward to following Adeyabo's career. I would recommend it, but maybe not to everyone. I think it'll appeal most to readers who enjoy character-based domestic dramas and don't mind if they occasionally trend towards the implausible in their plotting. ( )

This story is about a young Nigerian couple who desperately want children and the lengths they will go to make it happen. I know many women are consumed by wanting to be a mother and this book makes me relieved that I am not one of them.

Recommended but this one is quite sad so pick it up with that in mind.


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This book was quickly engaging. I was hooked right away. Although the story centered on aspects that are foreign to me the author shows that relations are difficult no matter what the background and traditions are. I don't know that I loved any of the characters but I did care about them and wanted a happy ending. That wasn't really the purpose though. I think it was really a reflection on relationships and love. The inability of any of them to effectively communicate with each other was the root of so many problems and I think that is universal. Like I said I would have enjoyed a deeper connection to the characters so I would be a bit more invested but it wasn't necessary just my preference. ( )

The feelings I felt! So overwhelming and visceral, I groaned and paced and shouted. Stay With Me touches so many important themes about marriage, motherhood, culture and politics, mental illness, societal expectations, toxic masculinity, weaponized family bonds and sense of belonging, love, and fear and so much more. Yet, it just felt like the story of Yejide and Akin. Adebayo is amazingly talented, I can’t wait to read more of her work. ( )

Listened to audio and I am so glad I did! ( )