Peter: I'm modern! I say 'black' instead of 'coloured', I think women are a good thing, I have no problem with gays, most of them are very well turned out, especially the men. Why is it this last year I'm being made to feel as if I'm always two steps behind, like I can't program a video or convert everything back to old money? Because that's not me!

Ollie: Malcolm, you're bullying me and... y'know, I don't know why you're bullying me—
Malcolm: How dare you. How dare you! Don't you ever, ever call me a bully. I'm so much worse than that.

Malcolm: You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra!