I thought nothing could be eviler than Desdemona, or Reyaz, or any other villain we've faced down. I was wrong. I read all the books I could devour on the beauty of parenthood. I thought I was ready. But nothing could have prepared me for the hurricane of jacked-up emotional chaos otherwise known as post-partum hormones. And no one said the feelings would come with a machine that would try to eat my nipples. Seriously, those breast pumps should be banned. If that wasn't enough to make me lose what little sanity I was clinging to, let's throw into the mix my sadistic best friends getting the brilliant idea to kidnap my daughter for a while. But wait folks, that's not all. Trying to keep my mate from maiming my friends was hard enough. But then, Thia gets snatched out from underneath the noses of my besties and truly kidnapped. If there was an award for FUBAR first days of life, Thia would win hands down. Sorry, mini-me. I'll try and make it up to you. But no promises. Probably better to save up the money to pay for the counseling you're eventually going to need. That's practical parenting, right? Contains mature themes.