Born with androgen insensitivity syndrome, author Kimberly Zieselman has XY chromosomes but fully identifies as female. Unfortunately, her doctors and parents kept her in the dark about her condition, and she didn't know the whole truth of it until she was 41 years old. Instead, she was left with a "knowing-not knowing" feeling that there was something different about her, compared with other girls, and tendencies towards anxiety and dissociation when confronted with emotional topics. She didn't begin to heal until she found her tribe of "Orchid Sisters" and became a prominent activist for intersex causes, such as bodily autonomy and self-determination. Halting unnecessary genital "normalization" surgeries on babies and small children is one of her main goals.

This memoir provides a relatable look at one woman's life as she copes with a frequently misunderstood condition. I learned a lot through reading this book. ( )

XOXY is a memoir about being an intersex woman. Memoirs are always personal, but this one feels extremely so. Kimberly Zieselman speaks candidly about her life as an intersex woman, her experiences with doctors, her family, and her work as an intersex activist. The book is well written and engaging, and the story it tells is heartbreaking and moving.

Intersex is something I was aware of, having been involved in LGBTQ activism in the past, but being aware of something and truly understanding it are two very different things. Intersex is often ignored, both by the general public and the LGBTQ community, and when it isn't ignored it is often just paid lip service, ostensibly included but without any actual help or support. I didn't know as much about intersex before I read this book as I would have liked to, or as much as I should have known. Luckily, this book is very comprehensive in the information it provides, and is a great starting point for people who want to learn more.

The book is non linear, switching between childhood and adulthood, before Zieselman's diagnosis and afterwards. I found that this kept the story engaging, and helped to bring context to some of the earlier events in her life as she tries to make sense of her childhood with hindsight. This book does go into detail about medical trauma, and doctors dehumanising her and treating her like a specimen, not a person. As someone who is chronically ill and has had my own bad experiences with doctors, I did find these parts of the book hard to read, but also important, because intersex people are treated in a uniquely terrible way by the medical community. Whilst Zieselman's story is just one intersex narrative, the medical trauma she suffered and the PTSD she then developed are not uncommon within the intersex community.

Zieselman talks a lot about coming to terms with being intersex, and with her identity as a woman. Identity is complex for everyone, but for intersex people there are unique complexities involved in both a person's internal identity, and how they are seen by society. I believe that this book has the potential to help other people, especially other intersex people, to feel less alone, less different. Zieselman talks in depth about the benefits of having a community of people just like you, who have been through similar experiences, and how finding her own community was the first step in understanding herself.

The second half of the book is all about Zieselman's journey to becoming an intersex activist. There is a pretty comprehensive history of intersex activism and the progress the community has made, woven into the story so it still reads easily, and doesn't feel like suddenly reading a text book. If you've ever wondered why the I should be included in the LGBTQ movement, then you need to read this book, as Zieselman really shows why, despite the differences between the two communities, we need to work together.

This is not just a story about being intersex. This memoir discusses trauma, mental health, identity, family, adoption, SEN parenting, advocacy and activism, and the importance of accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. It has a hopeful message of hope for the future for intersex kids, and a life without shame, stigma and medical trauma. There is still a long way to go but thanks to activists like Kimberly Zieselman, progress will be made. Please, read this book. ( )