Richard Beard (3) (1967–)

A "sad story of two small boys in the sea- one survives, one dies..." (p. 266)
Richard Beard wrote this book to document the attempt at rediscovering the memories he repressed after the death of his brother in 1978. His family, mostly he, his mother, and his father tried to "get on with it" and ignore their grief, sorrow, and guilt.
Richard felt guilt because, unbeknownst to ANYONE, he was actually with his brother in the ocean that day. He feels guilty that he was competitive with his brother. He feels guilty that he grew to be an adult and his brother did not. His mother and father felt guilt for not being able to keep their son safe.
This type of guilt and "getting on with it" is a common reaction to a sudden death... I have experienced it in my own life.
My problem is that he admits and revels in his "cold English heart". He dreams of "waterboarding" his mother, (p.275), even though he can imagine her "swallowing her heart" as she leaves the beach with her son lost to the sea. On his father's death bed, he refuses to take his father's hand when his dad reaches out to him. "A bit late now for emotional needs..." (p. 251)
He even asks the elderly rescuer how it felt to pull a dead drowned boy from the sea and "hard of heart" leans in close "to watch the tears as they form in his yellow- and -pale blue eyes". (p. 275)
So, though he attempts to honor and reclaim his brother's life, he ultimately learned nothing from this endeavor. He was able to identify the sorrow his family experienced, and relived the pain, forcing himself to visit the beach again and again. And he was able to feel long pent-up emotions,
he never develops empathy for the others involved. This is ultimately extremely disappointing.… (mehr)

Richard Beard’s memoir The Day that Went Missing is a cathartic cleansing look at the death of his brother Nicky over forty years ago. Beard structures the book like an unraveling mystery as he investigates what really happened. He interviews family and friends along with his own dreams and recollections. Beard is an excellent writer and he uses all his literary powers to hash through the dysfunctional reaction to Nicky’s death in great detail. Emotionally the book falls short but that may be the point. You can decide for yourself.… (mehr)