Suzy Favor-Hamilton

This book is sad and frustrating and ridiculous. The first part is about Suzy Favor Hamilton's running career and it is very sad to see the pressure she felt and it's frustrating to see how she just let her mind get in the way of her physical capabilities. But that's neither here nor there. The real meat of this book is to show you how off the rails her life went in the second half of the book.

Let me first say that mental illness is real and I'm sure things like this might happen to people but her story is just too much for me to swallow. Her physician didn't notice this off the charts behavior? Her husband was totally OK with his previously "good girl" wife just deciding to head of to Vegas constantly to sleep with escorts and then become one? He didn't find this upsetting or strange or worth talking to somebody about? He didn't think it was self destructive? His only comments are "it might mess up the taxes" and "you spend too much on hotels". Infuriating! Her own story is totally unbelievable. Of course it was super easy to become a "high end" escort. Of course she got all the best clients right off the bat. Of course she had no trouble at all and instantly became the "all time favorite" of every man she was with and of course they were all handsome, rich and nice.

Plus, when it all comes crashing down it's like this big thing like she's super famous. I love the Olympics and I'm obsessed with running and I don't even know who she is! I mean telling the one guy "you'll know who I am soon enough" or whatever. If she was all that famous they'd know her from looking at her. Geez.

SHe claims that this book is all about trying to send a positive message about bipolar but it is not that. Not one bit. In my opinion this is a total money grab -- she's been exposed she might as well make a quick buck spilling some sex stories. She explains herself that even when she was on Prozac and theoretically under control she was completely useless as an adult. Every job was too hard, too stressful. Anyone who wanted her to behave like a grown up was against her and had unrealistic expectations.





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A long time has passed since I gave a book a rating this low. On finer-grained scale I'd give this something higher than 40% of the scale. But definitely not something that would round up (let alone down) to 3.

Hamilton, through her ghostwriter Sarah Tomlinson, details the ways her mania drove her to act out, the principle two being obsessive mid-distance running and working as a high-end escort in Las Vegas. A lot. More than enough to get the point across. Both sections of the book devolve into repetitive tedium. Okay, okay, you ran a lot of races, you won or placed a lot (except at the Olympics). You had a lot of very rich clients in Vegas. And you don’t fail to point out how rich they were. It started to seem more like horn-tooting than relating.

Or maybe it was fill, at least partially.

I suggest this because there was nothing in the book about her treatment. Just, "And then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and got some meds. The end." Basically, as near as I can tell, the book only adds details about what had been revealed when a reporter outed her escort persona, Kelly, as former Olympian, Suzy. And, sure, it should do that, but not only that. So, if you’re only willing to write half a mental illness memoir, adding redundant details probably looks like a good way to up the old page count.

I can't say that the writing did much for me either. It didn't make me cringe, but it lacked emotional punch. Strange, given the subject at hand. To be sure, it suffers by comparison to recent memoirs I've read, none of which were ghostwritten, but penned by the person who suffered the illness. And those people were writers or otherwise well-educated and well-spoken. Hamilton admits to having been a poor student, and it made good sense that she employ a ghostwriter. But that ghostwriter didn't experience the things Hamilton did, and her necessarily biographical point of view probably explains at least some of the flatness. (I don't know a thing about Tomlinson, but maybe this just fell outside her bailiwick too?)

In the end, Fast Girl stands in stark contrast to the almost-too-intense memoirs of [a:Marya Hornbacher|26256|Marya Hornbacher|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1262098825p2/26256.jpg], and author and journalist who wrote about her struggles with bulimia, anorexia, and bipolar disorder. Nor does Hornbacher shy way from talking about her treatment and rebellions against it. That intensity made me decide to set Hornbacher's bipolar book, [b:Madness|2177563|Madness A Bipolar Life|Marya Hornbacher|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1348198070l/2177563._SX50_.jpg|2183241], aside temporarily to read this. I wish I'd stuck with Madness.
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“Sexløberen – mit hemmelige dobbeltliv som escort” er en spændende titel, som i sig selv er blikfang. Biografien omhandler Suzy Favor Hamiltons liv – fra barndom, hvor løbet var hendes passion, til konkurrencer, OL-forsøg og derefter til privatlivet med ægteskab og børn, samt hvordan det pludselig ændrede sig til et dobbeltliv.

Det var interessant at læse, hvor omtumlet Suzys liv virker og hvordan det pludselig går fra den ene yderlighed til den anden, men selvfølgelig virker det klart, at man som løber, hvor du skal vinde og du forventes at skulle, bliver nødt til at være din største kritiker. Det skrevne ord fortæller os, at hun også kæmper med spiseforstyrrelsen bulimi, koncentrations-vanskeligheder og negative tanker.
Det ses desuden tydeligt, at hun er en pige, der behager andre, i stedet for sig selv, hvilket er utrolig synd, for hun har meget at byde på. Man håber dog inderligt (i løbet af læsningen), at hun vil tænke mere selvisk end hun gør.

Romanen er opbygget i 21 kapitler, samt små noter hist og her, som særligt fokuserer på bipolar affektiv lidelse, og hvad der sker indeni et menneske. Vi lærer om Suzys barndom, familien, hendes hobby for løb, som hurtigt bliver til passion, til træning, universitetsliv, konkurrencer, kærlighed, pres, mørke tanker, OL, forventninger, skuffelse og meget mere. Udover en masse information medfølger der også billeder fra Suzys liv i løbeverdenen, samt hendes liv i Las Vegas som escort.

“Det virkede ikke egoistisk efter min opfattelse. Jeg havde mistet kontrollen. Jeg havde ingen skrupler […] Mit Vegas-liv foregik i sin egen hemmelige boble, hvor det omsider var muligt at få alt det, jeg ville have. I Vegas var jeg fri”.

Dog var der et eller andet, som ikke stemte. Jeg synes desværre ofte, at læsningen blev opremsning og resumé-agtig (“og så.. og så”), selvom hun stadig berettede om sine følelser, tanker og tvivl, så var der et eller andet i skrivestilen, som gjorde det lidt langtrukkent, hvilket er ærgerligt, da denne bog er med til at bringe fokus på psykisk lidelse, rettere sagt: bipolar affektiv lidelse. Desuden ærgrer det mig en smule, at bogen har fået den danske titel, som den har: “Sexløberen – mit hemmelige dobbeltliv som escort”, hvor den engelske titel er: “Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running from Madness”, som jeg vil mene, har et meget tydeligere fokus på hvad den vil formidle. Alt i alt, så er det bestemt en god bog og en fin biografi, som skaber opmærksomhed på psykisk lidelse, og hvad det medfølger.

Det kan svært at sætte sig ind i, hvad bipolar affektiv lidelse egentlig indebærer. Man hører om mange, der kæmper med, men ofte er det tabubelagt. Heldigvis er der en tendens lige nu, hvor mange åbner op for emnet og deler det med omverdenen. Det gør det nemmere at sætte sig ind i, hvad det specifikt er og gør, hvilket gør, at vi får bedre muligheder for at hjælpe og “tackle” det rigtigt.

“Når jeg løber, mærker jeg musklerne blive smidige som før i tiden. Engang var det min løbekarriere, der gjorde mig til et forbillede, selv om jeg ikke var meget for den opmærksomhed og den byrde, der fulgte med. Jeg endte med at hade det, som jeg holdt allermest af – det, jeg var født til. Men nu har jeg nye mål, der ikke handler om at komme først over målstregen. Jeg vil fortælle min historie”.… (mehr)