Sheila Wray Gregoire

I really wish this book had been available when I was a teenager and in my college years. Perhaps some of the harmful messaging I received would not have been so prevalent in the religious circles I frequented at the time if it had been. Alas, I cannot change the past; but this book gives me hope for the young girls who are being raised now in environments where the women are reading Sheila’s books and deconstructing the narratives they inherited.

If you work with teen girls, college-aged young women, or females in general, I hope you will read it. If you’re a dude, please don’t be put off by the pink cover. There is so much of value for you in here too.… (mehr)

In my case, I don't have any daughters to teach.

I'm not a mother.

And I read very few self-help-type books.

In fact, I didn't pick up this book looking to learn something I've not already learned, figured, or heard before.

But when I feel like revisiting or processing personal stuff, reading helps me a lot. I wanted to try a book that didn't look to me like it would come from a bitter or vindictive angle while addressing its topic, since books full of bitterness don't make for beneficial or productive reading for me.

So, a-processing I went.

This book has a lot of information that people in the church seriously need to be aware of. There are good points here about not tolerating toxic treatment or relationships for the sake of being nice. About rejecting the erroneous idea that it's all up to girls to keep situations and relationships holy because boys are incapable of exercising self-control. About the reality that not all sexual force or coercion is physical—that there are other ways that people are pressured or manipulated into bad situations. About the way that girls and women deserve to live joyfully and comfortably in their bodies without shame, without being objectified. I could go on with more points...

And no, this isn't a male-bashing book blaming men and boys for all the evils of the world or something. So don't think I'm going there.

The part that's such a shame to me is the fact that books like this have become needful in the first place. That mothers/parents/people are having to be told more and more that damaging instruction, predatory behavior, and even sexual assault have become normalized in too many churches and Christian circles. That mothers are having to protect their daughters from harmful teachings that have come out in the church not only for teenaged girls and young women but also for little girls who haven't even reached adolescence yet.

And even with the surveys and statistics that have gone into the authors' points in this book (I respect serious research, specific studies, and fact-based positions), I also imagine that the statistics still can't quite tell the full story. The story including the silent or unreached people who aren't taking or being presented with the surveys out there, and others may get the idea that it's only a certain kind of youth group, or in churches that "look" a particular way, where the issues exist. People may be unaware just how widespread the issues addressed in this book are—especially when keeping quiet about problems in the church so as not to "make God's house look bad" and/or "hinder the spreading of the Gospel" has been such an ingrained part of the culture in a lot of churches and Christian circles for a long time.

So. It becomes all the more important for people to be made aware, because awareness can help inform the actions they take. The need for awareness is why books like this are important.… (mehr)

Okay, I never ever leave a one star review on a book, but y’all this book is garbage! Very single minded in relation to sex. I had flashbacks from catholic school.

I initially thought well maybe 13-15 year old girls would read this, but the more it went on the more ridiculous it spieled. For instance, it said good girls should not get boys or men worked up because it stated the good girl is ENDANGERING the male whom she works up!! A bunch of crap!

Plus it was so stereotypical stating how men and women feel completely different about sex and of course the women is always cleaning and cooking.

Hello!! We are 2021…DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! There are many other Christian Sex books out there that is based on facts and not just people they asked at church.… (mehr)

Much needed realignment of Christian teaching on sexuality

A well-researched and holistic biblical approach to sexuality in marriage. The authors rightly push back strongly against inadequate and harmful popular evanglical teaching on sexuality that is frequently embraced, diseminated, and assumed as practical orthodoxy. In particular, the authors demonstrate that many of the most popular evangelical marriage and sexuality books tend to diminish or outright ignore women's spiritual, psychological, and physical needs, many times causing significant harm.

Twenty thousand women were surveyed for this book project, and the results are largely disturbing, exposing a serious gap within Christian discernment, likely perpetuated by biblically deficient concepts of male headship and husbands' (lack of) responsibilities to their wives. Those having read Kristin Kobe Du Mez's, *Jesus and John Wayne* will not be surprised by the findings in this book. Women have taken the brunt of the harm caused by false ideals of masculinity and male entitlement in North American evangelical subculture.

However, the book is not merely critique, and the authors provide a hopeful way forward. They highlight some very right directions for healthy marriages and sexuality. In this regard, what stood out to me was the portrayal of biblical love as applied to marriages as a mutuality of self-giving by both wife and husband in all areas of the relationship, including sexual dimensions. While likely all Christian books might claim to also advocate this, the reality is that they do not, too often presenting a distorted application of love, favouring the husband's physical needs as the trump card for wifely submission. In contrast, the picture of love in this volume was far more extensive and holistic, calling both spouses to demonstrate Christ-like sacrificial giving of oneself to the other.

This book is recommended for all Christians attempting to process these issues, but is especially an important read for pastors and Christian leaders.… (mehr)