Gary Lundberg

I discovered this book at our local library’s used bookstore. Though unfamiliar to me, I immediately knew I had to get it because—far too often—I struggle with feeling like I need to fix things for people in my life.

And I’m glad I got it. This book is probably the most helpful book that I’ve ever read related to relationships in everyday life.

The wisdom it contains applies to every relationship, whether with your spouse, children, co-workers, parents, customers, or friends. I’ve already found just how helpful it has been to walk out this wisdom with my husband, who appreciates it a ton I’m sure!

Some chapters will not apply to everyone depending on life situation or season, but the practical ideas will apply in pretty much every relationship (except in abusive ones, get yourself to safety instead!)

The different chapters in part two focus on different relationships we may have in life. Though a bit repetitive, the included stories can inspire you to walk out the book’s advice.

The book is not inherently Christian, but the authors seem to be followers of Christ (based on examples shared and some of the language used) and the husband is a marriage and family therapist. Regardless, the practical help in this book shows us how to love others better, something that God calls us to do.… (mehr)

The Lundberg's are close family friends so I am not completely objective about the book. They are amazing people with hearts of gold...
Anyway, the book is pretty straight forward but very clever for a self help book. For me I really appreciated the sections on having a compassionate heart and trying to understand why others might say things. It was good because there are some people in my family that I am literally afraid to talk to much because of reactions to things I have said or others have said. Also, I am already trying to work on being a good mother-in-law which I hope is 15 years down the line but it seems like it is something that gets messed up so often that I better start now!… (mehr)

I don’t have to make everything all better. All I have to do is listen!

Listening is hard to do. We want to jump in with the solution to the other person’s problem. It is amazing how we “know” what the other person “should” do, but if we end up with the same problem they had, we become as confused or witless as they were. Don’t prescribe, just listen.

Listening is so hard to do that here is a whole book on the topic.

Listening is so hard that this book gives six principles “that empower others to solve their own problems.”

Contents
Part 1: The Principles
1. Be an effective validator
2. Leave the responsibility where it belongs
3. Acknowledge emotions
4. Develop the art of listening
5. Find the right time to teach
6. Learn the effective validating phrases and question
Part 2: The Application
Chapters illustrating validation in various setting follow

Conclusion
1. What is validation? “The ability to walk emotionally with another person ...”
2. What are the four rules of validation?
- LISTEN (by giving your full attention)
- LISTEN (to the feelings being expressed)
- LISTEN (to the needs being expressed)
- UNDERSTAND (by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can)
3. What is the universal need of every human being?
4. What is the underlying principle that allows a person to effectively validate someone else?
5. Where does the responsibility for someone’s problem lie?
6. What are the four key elements of effective boundary setting?
7. When is the right time to teach?
8 Give two good validating phrases and questions? (Page 266-267 of 272)

It is written with lots of anecdotes. At first that was a bit disappointing, and I gradually realized that is what most people relate to. After realizing that I began to quite enjoy the book. I even enjoyed the chapters talking about settings that don’t apply to me.
I have the 1995 edition, which has the same ISBN as the 1999 edition, but is 272 pages long instead of 304 pages.… (mehr)