Mary Anne Radmacher

I really WANTED to like this book, and I did - bits of it. But it is truly a case of sifting out the good from the bad. Their premise is that you control your reactions to things, you control whether you suffer through bad times or find joy in them. It's not a new idea, by any means. And I agree with it.

However, the authors, especially in the forgiveness chapter, seem to minimize the horrors that some people endure. An excerpt: 'Based on your own personal set of rules, you may believe that you have been wronged and hold the power of forgiveness, but remember that the other party acted according to their own set of rules. Believing that one's own rules hold supreme importance in the universe is an act of ego that is a sure cause of great suffering.' Well, sure, that is very true when a friend stands you up for dinner or when your boss humiliates you in front of a roomful of people.

However, I am not a relativist. I do believe there is good and evil in this world. And I do believe that people do not always act according to their set of rules. Sometimes people do things they know they should not and that are truly wrong and evil. And sometimes, those things are incredibly hurtful to others - rape comes to mind. The entire forgiveness chapter seemed to be saying, 'It's not that bad. It's all in your head.'

I am a huge advocate of forgiveness. I definitely agree with the authors that forgiveness is for US, not for those who have wronged us. But it is also important to acknowledge the pain and hurt and suffering in order to be able to release it. I think the authors failed here.… (mehr)