Evan Zimroth

In Collusion, novelist and poet Evan Zimroth recounts her days as an adolescent ballet student and her completely inappropriate relationship with her ballet master "F.", a famous Russian dancer.

At the age of 12, Evan submitted to the punishing regime of a latter-day Svengali who pushed her into a life of self-denial and physical torture. This demanding and temperamental Russian, a legendary dance master, also took a psychological hold over her, and a disturbing erotic bond was forged between tutor and pupil. Zimroth writes of the punishment meted out to her on a regular basis--"F" would lash her with a cane--and the rewards--slices of blood-stained cheese that he would feed into her mouth--that she would endure without ever losing her poise.

At an early, impressionable age, Evan became intoxicated by ballet, and completely addicted to "F." I was disturbed that she chose "F." over her family and was allowed to become obsessed with her teacher. I was also amazed at the behavior of "F." I found him cowardly and cruel, and it was extremely hard for me to relate to his hold on Evan.

A dancer's life can be as magical as it is painful. In ballet there is always someone who is better than you, someone who gets more attention, more praise, more respect. Dancers who fail to develop will not survive in the face of this disappointment. Evan was the star pupil in "F.'s" class, she was the one he gave all his attention to. She looked forward to physical punishment and saw them as proof of his love for her.

At the end of the book, Zimroth writes that "writing is not catharsis," that she did not pen her memoir to gain any insight or closure. She believes that she will always think of "F." with fondness. I was really shocked by that statement. It made the entire book seem pointless to me. I was aggravated by her lack of hindsight.

That being said, the writing was good and the subject fascinating to me, so I did enjoy it. I can't say that something is bad just because it angered me. If you intend to read this book however, prepare for a compelling but disturbing story. That is all I can say.… (mehr)

From the vantage point of "real life" (as dancers say), Collusion tells the story of a young girl's initiation into the disciplined, exalting world of classical ballet and into a secret love relationship with F., the ballet master whom she adored. "Do you want to be a great dancer?" F. had asked her when she was twelve. She did. And so Collusion tells of how she gave up ordinary life--family, boyfriends, hamburgers, homework, and pop music--for a life dedicated to the promise of artistry. At the center of that new life was always the figure of F.--ironic, moody, demanding, quixotically generous or withholding--who could control her with a sarcastic comment or the flash of his cane across her thigh, but also with the lyrical beauty of his classes and the vision of herself in a perfect arabesque. F. was the first man to partner her, and the first to teach her that love can come in strange forms: in the airborne lifts of Les Sylphides, in brilliant pirouettes, and in measured violence. Collusion describes the secret life of ballet. It is a life in which "normal" values are reversed. Brutality is seen as a gift, fear as devotion, sadism (rightly, in this case) as love. Free of conventional moral judgments, Collusion tells of possession and surrender, of power and submission, of the bond between a young girl and an older man.… (mehr)