One of the most hilarious things I've read about gods! ( )

Exponential Apocalypse is an exciting, funny page turner. It is the first book in a series, which means there is much more joy to come. There is so much in the crackling dialog among the very many crazy and bizarre characters that it's hard to keep up with it all. The obvious references that Eirik Gumeny comfortably and so very callously (in a good way!) plays with range from Greek mythology to Voltron. As far as bizarro fiction (or weird fiction) goes, Gumeny has it all, except maybe for vampires, which may not be the case for too long. There are killer robots, clones, inept scientists, mutants, zombies, ghosts, undead cows, superhero squirrels, apocalyptic creatures, gods of many kinds, hipsters, English majors, hippies, zine publishers, hobos... The writing is fluid and funny. Though the style (the cheekiness, I should say) reminded me of Christopher Moore, because most of the book is based on dialog, the pace is much faster. The influences cited by the author are evident, especially Douglas Adams and Vonnegut.

Overall, a brilliant, fun read. Recommended for the beach, bleak winter days, boring lunch breaks at work, and for anyone who likes squirrels and mole sauce (or squirrels in mole sauce, if you like to combine interests).

Thanks to the author and LibraryThing for a free digital copy for my honest review. It was a blast! ( )

Quirky really does describe Exponential Apocalypse by Eirik Gumeny. In this short novel, several (odd) stories end up merging in the end. Exponential Apocalypse features such characters as: Thor; Quetzalcoatl; genetic clones of Queen Victoria, Chester A. Arthur, and William H. Taft; zombies and an undead cow; cyborgs; a boss with x-ray eyes; the internet powered by ghosts; a cross-bred werewolf/atomic mutant; and Timmy, the super squirrel - to name a few.

It is not a book that requires deep contemplation. In fact, I could fairly say that it lacks depth as well as character development. It consists mostly of dialogue. The book begins with Thor, the god of thunder, who is working at a Secaucus, N.J. Holiday Inn, taking a call from a guest requesting more pillows. At this point, you would think it would be one hot mess and not recommended, but Gumeny actually does a good job handling the dialogue (as well as all the insanity). Each character has a distinct voice.

This is one of those books that I hate to admit I enjoyed. (It could be that Timmy pushed it up a notch.) There is the potty-mouth language, bathroom humor,and... I'm not sure it has one redeeming quality beyond the fact that I was laughing for the entire book. Exponential Apocalypse is pure, hilarious entertainment and a very quick and easy read.
Highly Recommended; http://shetreadssoftly.blogspot.com/

Quotes:

There had been twenty-two apocalypses to date. There were now four distinct variations of humanity roaming the earth - six, if you counted the undead. It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential. The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments. It was just a Thursday. pg. 7

Thor was still pretty ticked that God of Thunder didn't carry more weight on a resume. pg. 7


"I'd like a medium coffee please," said a fairly intimidating Queen Victoria XXX.
"We don't have medium," said a fairly intimidated girl behind the counter.
"How can you not have a medium?"
"We have short, tall, grande, venti, and collegiate."
"Well, give me the one in the middle."
"Which one, ma'am?"
"Whatever it was you said, the one that means medium."
"Short, tall, grande, venti, or collegiate?"
"You're really going to make me say it?" pg. 34

Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined country in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they'd either stop being hobos or die.
Neither one had happened....
Instead, hippies, philosophers, English majors, and all manner of unemployable or otherwise destitute types flocked to the Hobo state. Some came to liberate themselves from the shackles of authoritarianism, others to peddle various illicit wares. Some simply adhered to more bohemian ideals. A few had gotten lost. None of them paid rent. pg. 51

Chester A. Arthur XVII stopped just long enough to grab Victoria by the elbow and say, "The Dunkin Donuts guy is giving away free donuts!" before running off again.
"Alright," said Catrina, "maybe you can think about him like a brother."
Queen Victoria XXX laughed and said, "Well, it's gotta be the same with you and Thor, right?"
"Thor's more... Thor's something else."
Thor came running out of his room in only a towel, shampoo still in his hair, chanting, "Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!"
"Like a cousin who used to eat paint chips," she clarified. pg. 136
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Thor, made fallible by the power of science, works a diminutive job as a bellhop. The world has ended, between fifteen and thirty times (I lost count and do not trust the 22 listed in the book description on amazon). But neither the zombie apocalypse, the apocalypse that allowed ghosts to rule the internet, nor the one that made clones of great world leaders of history battle to the death on pay-per-view can get Thor down. Hold on, that isn’t right.. All of those things get him down. He went from God status to supplying extra pillows to asshats in one if the few buildings in town not on fire or being collapsed by molemen from the center of the earth. That would get just about anyone down.

Quetzalcoatl on the other hand, is drunk. After going on a modern day rampage across Central America and the southern US, he is tired. His mind is smashed, he is smashed, and the realities of the philosophers guild growing sizable in the hobo nation… are smashed. When he regains some stability, perhaps he will remember why he hates the hobos so much and why their deaths please him…

Queue a battle royale to stop one final apocalypse, the one we can’t rebuild from.

This was a damned laugh. It was like Roseanne had unprotected sex with Douglas Adams which culminated in the birth of a child, who was hanging out with Neil Gaiman smoking some pot at a circus before slipping roofies to a recently resurrected Bill Hicks and shagging his brains out.. Which culminated in the birth of a child named Snake Pliskin who will travel to the past to kill Roseanne.

Like that, with gods, werewolves, scientists with hot bods and paperbag heads, sentient squirrels, chainsaws, cowboys & indians. Oh, and Robots. lost of robots.. an Undead Bovine.. Clowns.. … It was excellent, It was nonsensical, it was in some cases brilliant prose and in others painfully painful. You should read it.

I repeat, excellent, read it.
I repeat, excellent, read it.

I should point out there is a sequel. “Exponential Apocalypse: Dead Presidents”.. Haven’t read it, but I will :)
( )

Where do I begin with this book? There are many characters and it’s told from several points of view. There are gods, werewolves, zombies, clones, robots, cyborgs, philosophers…well, basically everything except the kitchen sink. Why was there no kitchen sink? Anyway, if you like books that are quirky, absurd, irreverent, strange, outlandish, bizarre, um, I’m running out of words here. Let me put it to you this way…this book is like Monty Python on crack. I happen to love Monty Python (but not crack, not that I’ve ever tried it), so I found this book quite amusing and an entertaining way to spend an afternoon. I look forward to reading Book 2, 'Exponential Apocalypse: Dead Presidents.'

*Many thanks to Jersey Devil Press for providing me with a review copy. Please see disclaimer page on my blog. ( )