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Far from the tree : parents, children and…
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Far from the tree : parents, children and the search for identity (Original 2012; 2012. Auflage)

von Andrew Solomon

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1,5424211,566 (4.36)64
Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so.
Mitglied:juniperSun
Titel:Far from the tree : parents, children and the search for identity
Autoren:Andrew Solomon
Info:New York : Scribner, 2012.
Sammlungen:Gelesen, aber nicht im Besitz
Bewertung:***
Tags:autism, disability, parenting, diversity, family

Werk-Informationen

Weit vom Stamm: Wenn Kinder ganz anders als ihre Eltern sind von Andrew Solomon (2012)

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Andrew Solomon lays out his arguments in a way that is so readable and absorbing. This is a delicious read about the challenges within many groups of folks facing challenges within themselves and within their parenting. ( )
  lynnwords | Jan 26, 2024 |
A work of pure genius. Couldn't put it down. Jaw-dropping stories, interspersed with obviously careful scholarship. I believe Dwight Garner called it "essential reading," which it is that. ( )
  fmclellan | Jan 23, 2024 |
Solomon looks in incredible detail at what he terms "horizontal identities". Vertical identities are identities that parents share with their children i.e. race would be a vertical identity. Horizontal identities are ones where the characteristics are not necessarily shared with the parents i.e. transgender or autism or sometimes deafness. Solomon writes extensively on each of these various differences.

He writes with incredible empathy, but really tries to show all sides of every issue. There are sides? Yes, there really are. If you are deaf, should you or should you not get a cochlear implant and at what age? What types of interventions are best for a child with autism? Forced medications or not for someone with Schizophrenia? There are actually an amazing number of issues and disagreements with how to proceed when a child manifests any of these issues. Limb lengthening for dwarfs? Parents disagree on all of these issues and more, but throughout Solomon shows respect for all the viewpoints while providing medical arguments and whatever evidence is available for the reader. And he also shows how parents often love these children as they are and don't wish them to necessarily be different. Just a very, very compelling read. I think they should excerpt some of this for use in schools to foster better understanding of differences.

The amount of research this guy did was incredible. It is a lot of anecdote, but that is what truly brings the book to life. It was a sociological study, a psychological study, and yet also a true testament to the power of parental love.

One thing I especially enjoyed is that the author didn't totally squelch his own opinions and insight out of the book. If he had some philosophical thoughts or perspective, he wasn't afraid to share those. I think that brought a humanity to the book that you wouldn't usually see in a non-fiction treatise that also has a bit of an academic bent to it.

At any rate, I would highly recommend this book as it fosters humility, empathy, and understanding as well as a deep appreciation for one's children. And gratitude on my part for having such an easy life by comparison. And admiration for those who carry big burdens, often with such love and grace. ( )
  Anita_Pomerantz | Mar 23, 2023 |
An exploration of families in which children have "horizontal" identities that distance them from their parents - Deaf, dwarfism, autism, prodigies, Down syndrome, mental illness, conceived in rape, criminal behavior, and more. The author is a gay Jewish man whose parents weren't really comfortable being Jewish and not happy about his gayness. He's trying to cover a lot of ground here - it's a huge book - and not all of it works, but it's thought provoking. For me, who never wanted children, both interesting and off-putting, yet fascinating to see the different choices and outcomes. I think the section on prodigies was the most eye opening for me.
There's a bit too much "I wouldn’t trade my experience because it’s brought me so much joy” because to be honest, some of the stories sound really awful and these declarations rarely feel believable to me. Disability porn. Who’s brave enough to say “This isn’t what I hoped for and I can’t take it much longer.”? ( )
  piemouth | Jun 17, 2022 |
Recommended to me by someone who has always felt "different" and is now thinking they are on the autism spectrum. This is a very thick book, and quite daunting. I started at the beginning and felt the author was relating everything he said to his own situation. But the world isn't all about him. I was never going to finish this book, so my advisor told me to just read the chapter on autism (my child's disability).. I actually jumped to the chapter on Multiple Serious Disabilities, and felt a lot of emotional similarity between my situation and those parents. Then I read the statistic that '85% of people with mental retardation live with or under the supervision of their parents' and felt profoundly distressed that my desire for having a life of my own will either never be met before I die or will give me permanent guilt for being unable to accomplish what most others do. Typing this now, I see that I ignored the qualifier 'or under the supervison of'. But if that means hiring staff to do the day-to-day care, then the statistic is meaningless in terms of identifying the commitment required of the parents.
Next I read the Autism chapter. This chapter was so dissatisfying because it tried to address children all across the spectrum, and presented as many different viewpoints as possible (tho not every possible 'alternative' treatment). There was no way for me to get a sense of what to expect for my particular adult child. It brought up feelings of anger at those who try to say that autistics should be allowed to remain who they are and not be changed. That might be fine for those who are able to communicate, but I can feel the distress my son experiences in not being able to express his pain in any effective manner, or to be stuck in a pattern that he can't move away from to do a desired activity.
Before reading the book, I viewed the video with the same title, so I feel I got an overview of parenting those with dwarfism (which might have included my son as a midget if he hadn't received growth hormone) and schizophrenia. I was distracted during the episode on childrren who are murderers, which is just as well as I think I would have had a hard time trying to see that as normal.
I guess this review is all about me. Fitting for a book that I first thought was all about the author. ( )
1 abstimmen juniperSun | Jan 5, 2022 |
In Far from the Tree, he [Andrew Solomon] explores the experience of parents having offspring who in one way or another present them with an unexpected set of problems--either neuropsychological impairments from birth or behavioral problems as they grow. This theme drew Mr. Solomon's attention because he is ever aware of how his emergent homosexuality during adolescence represented a serious challenge to his parents--a challenge that he believes they didn't handle well. . . . He explicitly relates their [the parents he interviews] responses to what he remembers his parents doing and saying to him when they became aware of his homosexual predilections. This feature gives the book both a personal edge and a less than subtle political subtext. In the end, Far From the Tree is an exercise in identity politics. . . . Despite offering touching stories of parents who face challenges they didn't expect--and deal with them nobly--Far From the Tree ignores, to its detriment, some of the most natural and telling aspects of human beings as they relate to each other across the generations.
hinzugefügt von sgump | bearbeitenWall Street Journal, Paul McHugh (Dec 18, 2012)
 
Part journalist, part psychology researcher, part sympathetic listener, Solomon's true talent is a geographic one: He maps the strange terrain of the human struggle that is parenting. "Far From the Tree" is the product of a decade of research and interviews with 300 families. For each horizontal identity under discussion, Solomon moves easily from often-harrowing individual stories, told largely in the subjects' own words, to broader observations informed by his theoretical research, and arrives at a surprising level of synthesis.
 
Narrating the stories of hundreds of families in which children and their parents must struggle with identity — whether due to disability or difference of other kinds — Solomon’s project boils down to this: with stories come understanding, empathy, and respect.
hinzugefügt von melmore | bearbeitenBoston Globe, Kate Tuttle (Nov 23, 2012)
 
“Far From the Tree” doesn’t purport to be an original work of theoretical research on family dynamics. It’s more of a hybrid series of thematically linked oral histories, the majority of which are deeply moving about the strength of parents who display heroic energy and creativity.
hinzugefügt von melmore | bearbeitenWashington Post, Lisa Zeidner (Nov 21, 2012)
 
...suffice it to say that you end this journey through difference and diversity with an even stronger conviction that life is endlessly, heart-stoppingly, fragile and unknowable.

And yet. Spending time with the parents of a child so disabled he has to be lifted from his bed with a pulley, Solomon notes that to be in the room with them and their son “is to witness a shimmering humanity.” It’s a phrase that should be smoke-trailed across the sky, or at the very least stuck on the family fridge. It’s also a very accurate description of what he’s achieved in this wise and beautiful book.
 
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The imperfect is our paradise.
Note that, in this bitterness, delight,
Since the imperfect is so hot in us,
Lies in flawed words and stubborn sounds.
—Wallace Stevens, "The Poem of Our Climate"
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for John, for the sake of whose difference I would gladly give up all the sameness in the world
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There is no such thing as reproduction.
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Having exceptional children exaggerates parental tendencies: those who would be bad parents become awful parents, but those who would be good parents become extraordinary.
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Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so.

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