Bizarro. What is it? Where is it? When is it and whycuz it? Who did what now and to whom? And most importantly, where is my bean sprout sandwich? Did I eat it? Will it return to haunt me in the near future?

I will attempt to answer none of these questions in this review. In fact, this review is currently out of order.

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Some stuff about this book. It has 15 short stories in it. They are quick to read! Speedy! Fast is an important quality in the book realm. No one likes a book that overstays its welcome like your cousin Tambo or herpes.

There are some words in this book, which is good, good. Well done.

My foot! Ouch!

Do you like light beach reads? Do you like light beach reads about octopus-human sex and zombie-maggot sex? Then this is likely a book for you and the octopus-maggot-zombie who loves you. Mostly I thought this book was charming. Like you, in your bloomers. With zombie-maggot-octopoop up your butt. And the horse you rode in on just a little too vigorously for my taste.

Where was I? And where am I? I do not recognize this gelatinous sculpture of L. Ron Hubbard.

Do not read this expecting elaborate grammar trickery and proper punk; chew; a shun. Do not come here for high literature. Come here high for cliterature.

I have said too much. Did I give away the ending? Spoiler alert. This book has spoiled and should be sealed, hermetically, in a hermeneutic bag. In Herman's new tick ball bag. That would be, I think, the ball bag of a tick that Herman had recently purchased. Or adopted, perhaps, if he wasn't so speciesist.

1 star for the average consumer. 2 stars for the above-average consumer. 3 stars for the gender neutral consumer. 3 1/2 stars for bizarro fans. 4 stars for fuck you, get a job. 5 stars for the authors published here and their pets.
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I have a short story in this anthology. To All of the other authors in this book. I think we made a kickass book. And like Danger Slater said "Long Live The Cock" Here are my ratings for all the stories. Mine gets 5 Stars because I am a bias prick.

The Ballad of Billy The Squid porno star, to many man rods for me. 3 STARS

Douglas Hackle's Bathroom stall love story (kinda) is another reason why I don't use public restrooms. 4 STARS

A Hand walks into a Bar title sounds like the start of a joke. If body parts could talk they would be raving about this story. Its "Thing from the Addams Family in his first mobster short. 5 STARS

Jon Konrath's ASL ninja chimp and the adventure to get a 1994 Mercedes-Benz S280 is a trip. LMAO! 5 Stars.

The Apple of My iPhone A love story for technology with a bite of horror. 5 stars

James Steele's Life Cycle Very creative writing as I was reading I kept waiting for Elton John to start singing.....The Cycle of Life 3.5 Stars

The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds Very bizarre she gets her name from the sounds she made at birth and then starts sexing all the tribes men. 3.5 stars.

Clear Skies Tomorrow, God Willing What it gods name, just agree on chicken! 3.5 Stars.

Patrick D'Orazio's quest for snacks cakes makes the princess happy. Its Little Memo meets Star Trec on crack. 4 Stars.

365 Yesterdays by Wol-vriey A repeating yesterday with no hamburgers or hotdogs. Wol-vriey always gives my eyes an orgasm of delight. 5 Stars

Necrocandy Wow! A Treaty Treat from Nick Cato. A sexy love story of straight out bizarre. Now tell me do you have an urge for candy? 5 Stars.

The Free Monster
Illegal downloading with a monster on the run. Interesting but didn't make my nipples hard. 3 Stars.

Bread Alone Subway eat your heart out or stab yourself in the head with an ice pick....Billy makes a better sandwich...okay story 3.5 stars

Laser Tits a seven inch long belly button. Wow! After Reading Grimbol's short I now need to get my hands on more of his work. 4 stars. ( )