Yes. Yes. And yes again! How did the 30-something Mohr tap into such wisdom? Every chapter drew me in and filled me up. Thoughtful, personal, and well researched, Playing Big is now at the top of my non-fiction recommendations for all the smart women I love. ( )

Playing Big first came to my attention when it was published last year, in part due to its promotion in some feminist and quasi-feminist spaces I participate in online. But I wasn't sure enough of the book to spring for the hardcover, so put myself on the library holds list, and yes, it's taken this long for me to get a copy to read.

And boy, am I ever glad I didn't pay for it.

Mohr's heart is in the right place. She wanted to write a book that would help women overcome the internalization of the messages we receive from day one, that we're second-rate and should keep our mouths shut, so we can pursue our own big dreams and goals. And that is a wonderful goal. But the exectuion fell apart somewhat.

For one thing, it is pretty well a standard self-help book, with standard self-help advice: make friends with your inner critic, find and follow your inner mentor, step depending on praise or running from criticism, deal with fear, stop undermining yourself, figure out what your big dreams and callings are, chase them down to the ends of the earth. All fine, so far as they go, but not earth-shaking. I've read enough self-help books over the course of my life to know that making friends with your inner critic is the first piece of advice offered in almost every self-help book, and whether you call it your Inner Mentor or your North Star or your Peaceful Place or your Future Visualization or whatever you call it, that is always the second.

(Aside: I had three stages in my own self-help book journey: 1--I was young and proud and much too good for self-help books; 2--I was older and sad and decided maybe I could use help even if it came in the form of self-help books; 3--I am even older and either through the books I've already read or just the process of increasing curmudgeonization, I feel like I no longer need it. The Fuck-It Fairy has been and gone; now I figure if I do something and it turns out to be ridiculous and everyone laughs at me, well, at least I've brightened their days.)

For another, the feminist portion of the book seemed half-thought-out, at best. She acknowledges the reality of discrimination and sexism in shaping our world, our lives, and our personalities, but then doesn't really consider how that sexism will react to us in our new, fearless, uber-confident and self-mentored-up selves. If we are taught self-deprecation in order not to seem uppity, for example, it stands to reason that when we no longer self-deprecate, the world will not take it well. In my exeperience, one can absolutely expect a significant backlash to any move away from the feminine Norm of Nice.

Most of the research that forms the basis of the book is anecdotal and personal--of course, since this is self-help; one can't expect double-blind studies and statistical correlations. However, it is less that convincing, particularly when some of the anecdotes are of the "I listened to my inner voice, and it told me to send my first ever written piece to Forbes, and it got published!" variety.

The chapter on fear, though, angered me.

Mohr states that really there are two kinds of fear: pachad, which is the fear of things that don't actually exist, like monsters under the bed; and yirah, which is the fear felt when we confront the divine or other things larger than ourselves. Pachad we should ignore because what we fear isn't real. Yirah is telling us we should move forwards.

You may notice that there is a distinct lack of any discussion of the fear of real, present and immediate threats, like sabre-toothed tigers, abusive ex-husbands, or the imminent prospect of foreclosure on one's house. Both of the kinds of fear she does discuss mean, in her view, that you should move forwards towards your dream; but look, terrible things can happen and sometimes our fears are rational and realistic. The Universe is not a cosmic vending machine and we are not all guaranteed to have our dreams come true if we are nice people who want reasonable things. The worst can happen, and sometimes it does. Sometimes people fail, and it is irresponsible not to even discuss what to do when one's fears are realistic or even probable, and it boggles my mind that however many people read this manuscript and no one thought to wonder about the whole fear thing.

Here's my own personal advice on the fear thing:

As yourself three questions: What is the most likely outcome? What is the best case scenario? What is the worst case scenario?

If you can accept the most likely outcome, if the best case scenario is something you truly deeply want, and if the worst case scenario is something you can recover from, it's a good risk.

If the most likely outcome is not good enough, if the worst case scenario would crush you and you aren't sure you could recover, or if the best case scenario isn't amazingly fantastic, it's probably not worth it.

By all means, do some research or talk to people to figure out what those scenarios are; but just plunging ahead on the expectation that the Universe takes care of people with good intentions is silly and irresponsible.

~~~

There was a time in my life when a lot of this book's contents would have resonated with me and I would have dragged out my journal and earnestly completed all of the journaling prompts. If you are at that time in your life, I wish you good luck, god speed, and it almost certainly isn't as bad or as scary as you think. Keep breathing. You'll get there.

Somehow or other, I did; or at least, I think I did. I did more tagging of pages that I agreed with than tagging of insights--in fact, I didn't tag any insights. Yep, still scared of things; no, it doesn't stop me; the inner critic is still vicious but I just smile and nod at her and keep on plugging; praise and criticism don't tell me what to do; etc. Maybe I'm just a smug and self-satisfied brat. In any case, I'll be sending this back to the library, where it can hopefully inspire and console someone else. ( )

If I had to designate “required reading” for female entrepreneurs, Playing Big by Tara Mohr would be on the list.

Women entrepreneurs are the changemakers the world needs right now.

However, we have been conditioned to not make noise, to be polite, and to question our knowledge.

It’s our job, as female changemakers, to recognize these patterns and work through them. And it can be done if you follow the advice outlined in Playing Big.

Playing Big is the playbook on how to speak up and lead. And Mohr expertly navigates her readers through these waters by focusing on topics, such as:

• Your Inner Critic
• Your Inner Mentor
• Fear
• Criticism and Praise
• Good-Student Habits
• Hiding
• Leaping

Mohr provides exercises (from guided meditations to journal prompts) to help you combat what’s holding you back. These exercises are thought-provoking – but not in a scary way.

If you are want to bust through your mindset blocks as a female entrepreneur, run (don’t walk!) out and get a copy of Playing Big today. This book will transform your life – and business.

My big takeaways:

#1: I am attached to praise and criticism.

One of the big mindset blocks I am working through is a fear of criticism or making someone unhappy. I am a people pleaser (reforming!), and the desire to not upset someone affects how I market my business. Specifically, I am afraid of personal attacks. I pride myself in being a “nice person,” and as an empath, a personal attack rattles me to my core.

Nevertheless, I have to bust through this mindset block because I am here to play a bigger game. I am here to change lives. And that means I will rock the boat.

I am working on understanding this: As a changemaker, I will be criticized on my journey. It’s not a matter of if – it’s a matter of when. I am glad to have Playing Big at my disposal to help me navigate this situation when it happens.

#2: I am a professional hider.

In Playing Big, Mohr lists six ways that women hide:

a. This before that
b. Designing at the whiteboard
c. Overcomplicating and endless polishing
d. Collecting and curating someone else’s ideas
e. Omitting your own story
f. I need the degree…

As you read this list, did you first think “wait, that’s not hiding?!” These hiding tactics are so ingrained in our lives; we don’t even recognize them for what they are.

Know this: These are all diversions. And we have to cut this shit out. You with me?

How Playing Big relates to entrepreneurs:

I know I’ve already said this, but it bears repeating:

Playing Big is a must-read for female entrepreneurs. It calls out our shit (in a loving, gentle way), shows us how to bust through our mindset blocks, and leaves you feeling empowered.

Honestly, it’s the book I wish I had written. Nonetheless, I am glad Tara Mohr wrote it so I can use it to play a bigger game with my business.

And if you’re ready to take up more space, to make more meaningful noise, and to play a bigger game, then get your copy of Playing Big today. You will not regret it. ( )

Playing Big had a lot of great information in it...too much information!
It took me forever to read this book because I couldn't stay focused.

This is a book about the great idea of a step by step plan of a woman's
rethinking of her role and "taking the plunge" in overcoming all the
"stops" society has placed on women's roles in corporate society.

Many great observations and re-training one's thinking pattern are
presented. A woman needs to value her own expertise and ideas. There
is just too much detail in this self-help book. One tends to get side-tracked
by allowing her mind to wander.

Tara Mohr appears to have very formidable seminars but to have them
successfully impact a reader, she needs to be less detailed and more
simply to the point.

The Title and Book cover are appealing and truly impressive.
* I won this book, but this review is my honest opinion. ( )

The subtitle for this book promises that it will help you find your voice, your mission, and your message. It's a very thought-provoking text that ranges widely, discussing fear, people pleasing, subtle speech habits, hiding and how to turn from these problematic behaviors to self-promotion. The author is a life coach, who is clearly distressed by the patterns she sees in women's inability to move forward. I recommend it for women who feel themselves held back by self-destructive, self-deprecating behaviors. ( )