I read this with my (now) husband before we got married and I think it was a great way to set a foundation, encourage discussion and really help us to see what a Christ-centered marriage should look like. ( )

This is a book on marriage cowritten by the author and his wife. They are passionate about Christ and I think their enthusiasm rubs off on the reader. I finished this book feeling motivated and inspired.

Their thesis: 1) Christians live to glorify God and follow His heart for us. Thus the focus of Christian couples hoping to have a good marriage should not be on "marriage" itself, but on God. Once both spouse's heart passionately pursues God's will, the marriage will be strong. 2) Marriage is like a team, in which the two members work together to make disciples and fulfill the Great Commission. So both spouses should be focused on making disciples, rather than cultivating comfortable family life. Every decision made as a couple and as a family should first and foremost examine whether it helps them make disciples and lead others to Jesus. 3) Marriage is a means through which Christians witness to the community the character and love of Christ. So the spouses should be loving, humble, and Christ-like to each other. Christians stay in the marriage and show unfailing commitment to their spouse not because the spouse is lovable, but because they love God.

Since the focus of the book is God, there is a lot of Bible verses on God's attributes, Jesus, and heaven. The reader is encouraged to spend time meditating on and sometimes visualizing these verses. It's more like receiving discipleship training than reading about the ideals of Christian marriage lol And I think because of this element, upon finishing the book I am actually motivated to think and do differently from before. ( )

Like many reviews say, this book was a benign bait-and-switch. The title makes you think it's about tips for a good marriage but it's actually not lame like that. It's essentially "here's how to be a consistent Christian" with occasional marriage examples sprinkled in.

3.8/5 ( )

This book focuses more on making sure your relationship with God is right, because then your priorities with your spouse/kids/family will fall into place.

My favorite line in this is about winning marital fights. They say that whoever wins is usually the one who is being the LEAST Christ-like. That's so very true, but in the heat of the moment it's hard to focus on having that attitude. ( )

This was the first Francis Chan book that I have read. The thesis of the book is basically that marriage should be focused on eternity. For the Christian, that is true of everything in life, but I'm not sure I agree with all of his applications of that truth.

The title compared with the heading on the back cover is a little confusing. The title is "you and me FOREVER" but the back cover heading is "Marriage Is Great, But it's not Forever." The idea is that marriage is an earthly union for the Glory of God and preparing both of us to live (perhaps individually) in eternity.

Chan does have a way of creating thought provoking ideas, which I appreciated:

1) Regarding seeing God at the beginning of eternity, he says "Hands down, it will be the most shocking moment of your existence...I try to think about it often because it keeps me centered. This is also why I imagine Lisa [his wife] seeing God for the first time. I love her, so I want her to be ready for it." This thought has continued resonate in my mind since I read it.

2) Regarding problems in marriage, "our marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems. They are God problems." I knew this, but I agree and the reminder was good.

3) Lisa [his wife and co-author of this book] wrote, "And Christ-likeness may be especially important in our marriages because marriage is such a powerful way to display the gospel and the glory of God. It is the first place people will look to see if we really believe what we say we believe...The way we love our spouses should make the love of Christ believable and true." Francis wrote along the same theme, "Displaying God to the world is ... the purpose of marriage." I appreciated the emphasis that marriage is a testimony to the reality of Christ and the sincerity of our discipleship.

4) Regarding arguments, "soon, all we want is to win, even if victory requires sin. The one who wins the argument is usually the one who acts less like Christ."

5) Regarding parenting, "too many parents try to shield their kids from reality. It is only a matter of time before they figure it out for themselves. Help them process reality from an early age, and teach them why it matters." Later he also wrote after referencing James chapter 1, "I want them [his children] to go through some trials while they are still under my care so I can shepherd them through it." This is one of the very reasons we chose to put our children in the local public school. I didn't want the isolation from the world to create in them a curiosity about it, nor did I want them to be shocked when they stepped out of our home.

There were a couple of negatives:

1) I felt like the general tone of the book was more emotional than expositional. For example, writing in light of heaven, he quoted Revelation 21 after the exhortation to "read this passage slowly, trying to picture it in your mind's eye. And keep reading it over and over until you find yourself longing for heaven with a tangible excitement."

2) I also sensed repetition. Part way through the book, I would think, "you've already said that earlier" (in different words of course). Where it was more difficult for me to endure was in a paragraph or a sentence where it seemed he was simply using synonyms to reassert the same thought. For example, one sentence started with the phrase "Our lives should revolve around..." and the next sentence stated "...our mission is..." I understand the use of repetition and even of nuances, but it was a bit frustrating because it seemed the book could then have been more concise.

These two things made the completion of the book have to be intentional rather than natural. I think the writing style just didn't quite harmonize with my reading and thinking style. However, this evaluation should not take away from the challenging ideas I've already mentioned.

Theologically speaking, I do have a question about Chan. It seems as though he believes in baptismal regeneration. I did a little searching on the internet and he has been questioned on this before. I'll let him speak for himself. In speaking of Acts 2:38, he writes "If you believe in what Jesus has done for you and haven't done this [repent and be baptized] yet, find a Bible teaching church where someone can baptize you and help you understand the teachings of Christ." A few pages later he wrote, "Baptism is meant to convey our death and burial with Christ." To me the words are too vague.

There are some good reminders in the book and some provocative ideas. His writing style wasn't my favorite, but not unbearable. His view of baptism is questionable at best. ( )