Rachel Jeffs tells her story of growing up in a polygamist cult as the daughter of the man who would eventually take over leadership of the FLDS and end up on the FBI’s most wanted list. She describes in detail the ways he sexually abused her starting when she was 8 years old, and how, later on, he began doing the same things to his underage wives.

When Rachel was 18, she became the third wife of a kind young man, but she was still under her father’s influence. She spent many of the following years separated from her children and/or husband as Jeffs sought to keep control of her so she wouldn’t reveal the secret of what he had done to her.

Gradually, Rachel’s disillusionment with the church and its leadership grew until she finally took the leap to get out and take her kids with her, leaving behind everything she had ever known for the hope that the unknown would be better.

It’s a hard-hitting memoir that fearlessly draws back the curtain on life as a woman in the FLDS and what kind of man Warren Jeffs really is.

Not for the faint of heart, but the worst of it is mostly packed into the beginning chapters and tapers off as Rachel gets older. ( )

A heartbreaking, disgusting, sad, but ultimately triumphant story. ( )

This memoir tells the young story of a woman who suffered at the hands of her father's megalomania. At a young age, Rachel is shamed into believing she's a sinner -- in part due her father's molestation of her and the subsequent mind games he plays with her and her sisters. For instance, in one nonsensical move, her father keeps sending her and her sister back to bed until they end up late for school -- a school in which he is currently the principal. After they arrive late to school, he sends them back home with a threat of expulsion for having been a bad example to the other children with their tardiness. Meanwhile, he marries more and more women, increasingly younger in age, before beginning to marry off his own children. Rachel ends up in a plural marriage and with children of her, while her father continues to lead the 'church' (read 'cult') even after being arrested and imprisoned for his practices relating to the marriage of underaged girls. His dictates become increasingly bizarre as he bans things like the eating of cabbage and hugging between a husband and wife. The punishments also become extreme, with families being forced to separate from one another, sometimes miles apart in separate states. After being separated from her children one time too many, Rachel decides she must leave the 'church.'

This was an interesting read. I didn't really need a lengthy book to tell me that cults -- especially patriarchal ones that put even more stress and undue burdens and frankly, abuse, on female followers than male devotees -- are bad. Still, it was kind of fascinating to read about in a train-wreck kind of way. It was amazing (although understandingly, given the amount of brainwashing that goes on) to see how many followers were seemingly unfazed by the clear unhinging of their 'prophet' as he made more and more absurd choices and mandates. It is not surprising but still sad to hear of their dismissals of child sexual abuse in favor of believing in their 'chosen one' leader. I have to admit to being surprised though that even after all she went through, Rachel still seems to believe in God (at least at the time of writing this book) and is pretty forgiving towards most of the people still in the 'church.'

The downsides to this book include that despite the title, the "breaking free" part was pretty minimal. About nine-tenths of the book was living in the cult atmosphere and all that happened to her there. It did get a bit tedious when the author began describing the many moves her father forced her and her family members to do due to their so-called sins. She, her husband, their children, her siblings and their families were all constantly crisscrossing between Nevada, South Dakota, Texas, and Utah to be settled within communities controlled by the 'church.' These inevitably featured various configurations of each family with each move -- Rachel and her husband alone, Rachel and her sister wives alone, Rachel and her children alone, etc. I will admit that I started losing track of all the assorted moves as it seemed to be more or the less the same thing over and over again; I understand it must have been traumatic for Rachel and her children but as a narrative it was kind of mundane once you started reading it over and over again. When she does finally leave, it's pretty anticlimactic, which is good for her own safety and that of her children, but she doesn't describe too, too much of their life on the outside of the cult; I would have loved to hear more about how they were able to deprogram and adjust to life beyond her father's control.

The audiobook is read by the author, which was a serious mistake here. Her voice was almost completely monotone and flat. She had the same affectless reading whether describing doing laundry, seeing the family dog hit by a car, or being sexually abused by her father.* I certainly wouldn't want to make her relive her trauma even more by having to get emotional in her reading, but there should have been a professional audiobook narrator to give it some well-deserved feeling as well as distinct voices for the different people in her life described within the pages of the book.

*Trigger warning: the descriptions of the sexual abuse she was subjected to are detailed and explicit. Expect to be discomforted at a minimum. ( )

Fantastic writing

This was some of the most engaging writing I've ever had the pleasure to read. It took me all of a few hours, and I was fully entranced the entire time. ( )

Rachel's story is absolutely horrifying, and I'm so impressed that she managed to maintain a sense of humor and a sense of self throughout her experience. I would have liked a bit more self-reflection or commentary on the church as a whole, because I was left still unclear on what drove everyone to stay and put up with so much. I'm sure that's hard to articulate, but without it, sometimes the book felt more like just a retelling of events. But to be clear, they were crazy events! ( )