1.5 stars

This is supposedly a book about Lyme disease... The author seemed more interested in talking about racism, her drug addiction, her many romantic partners, and moving constantly all over the country. It was hard to follow what happened when, in what city, what boyfriend she was currently dating, etc. Parts of the book were repetitive.

I normally can walk away with something of value when reading memoirs, especially about chronic illness (since I suffer from it, too), but this just didn't contain enough about her actual illness (symptoms, a coherent timeline) to be helpful.

My personality must be very different from Khakpour's, and it's hard not to judge someone who made so many decisions that seemed so obviously bad to me. The way she jumped from relationship to relationship, always mentioning that this person was going to be the one that would help her to heal, was especially sad to me. I am so incredibly thankful that as a Christian, I can turn to God for my emotional and physical help and don't have to rely on finite human beings who will always fail!

Note: There is some profanity, and mentions of illegal drug use/addiction. ( )

I’m so lost with the timeline and all the jumping around. ( )

2.5 stars
This review can also be found on my blog.

It seems impossible to separate Khakpour’s life of illness from the remainder of her life. As she details, no one has been able to ascertain for certain when exactly she acquired Lyme. Some doctors have pointed to her health problems in childhood as symptoms, while others have indicated that college seemed like a likely bet. Having gone through one trauma after another, it’s also difficult to disentangle the symptoms of her Lyme from symptoms of primarily unrelated PTSD, depression, and anxiety. As she mentions, women typically struggle more with Lyme because they are often treated as psychiatric cases only and therefore left undiagnosed and untreated longer. As a quick note, there are extensive discussions of both drug abuse and suicide throughout the book, so if you find those triggering it may be best to steer clear.

And there it came: his half smile. And here it followed: my rage.

One thing that bothered me a lot was that she’s somewhat judgmental of one of her friends in Chicago, a wealthy woman who eventually reveals she’s a prostitute. This judgment comes unchallenged by the present Khakpour looking back and it’s clear she was sickened by the thought of her friend making money in this way, and pities her even though she herself is weak and slowly disintegrating while her friend is happy and stable. It was strange reading about someone who can look down so strongly on others when they themselves are struggling even more.

I also kept saying something I had heard some other therapist or doctor say at some point, maybe in the psych ward: Let’s get to the bottom of this once and for all. I was mesmerized by what “the bottom of this” could be, but I knew I wanted it.

Occasionally, the timeline feels mixed up. She’ll jump ahead only to jump immediately back and I forget where we are in the story. There are bits repeated throughout -- stories she tells multiple times, to my confusion -- that give the whole thing a sense of deja vu. Its meandering nature felt sometimes without purpose and I found myself checking where I was in the book to see if it was close to over. Her story itself is exhausting to read, and god knows how much more exhausting it must have been to live through, but its monotony made it disengaging when combined with the matter-of-fact tone she communicates her experiences in. Having had (much less serious) chronic illnesses of my own, I understand how hopeless the seemingly endless chain of doctors who don’t know what’s wrong with you is, but the negativity also felt like it would drown me without adding much to my experience as a reader.

So many men had tried to fix me; so many men were convinced they could help. What was one more.

Overall, even with my criticisms, I think this book is worth reading if you’re interested even if it didn’t quite work for me. ( )

Memoir of a woman with late-stage Lyme disease. Chronicles her struggles with addiction, undiagnosed/misdiagnosed illness, Lyme disease and its relapses. Importantly, it doesn't end with "wellness" or "remission," but was written during a Lyme relapse and period of deep depression following a car accident. A challenging but necessary book. ( )

I can say with all honesty that there was nothing pleasant about reading this memoir. It's hard to read, as it's setback upon setback upon setback. The amount of pain the author has been through is immense, and truly unbearable to witness. Three stars because although I didn't enjoy it, I'm glad I read it. It's a story that needs to be told, and she's a very fine writer. ( )