I am having a very difficult time rating this book because I at the same time utterly hated it and absolutely loved it. I'm not sure exactly how this is possible, yet North Morgan somehow accomplished this.
To me the novel is very reminiscent of the gay classic "Faggots" by Larry Kramer. Not neccesarily in writing style, but rather in tone. They both have a very bleak and jaded view of the gay community; and while the nuances of the times have changed, the synopsis is the same: it's impossible to find love in this sex crazed, drugged up, party obsessed community of gay men.
I found myself getting very angry, very sad, laughing out loud, then rolling my eyes, throughout the entire novel, like an insane rollercoaster of emotions.
I hated the protagonist Konrad and yet, I felt for him every time someone else let him down. Though as soon as I felt bad for him, I realized that really, he didn't deserve sympathy because he was a drug addict piece of crap obsessed with masculinity that hated himself and continuously put himself in situations that he absolutely knew would lead to heartache.
I think this book is a glaring and painful reflection of so many issues in the gay community, some of which I have dealt with first hand. I know the gay scene he's writing about here, and have lived it, if not to the full extent his protagonist has. While I felt that the life Konrad was living was by far a very very extreme version of the gay scene, I definitely know some people who aren't that far off from the life he was depicting. And I've certainly had my fair share of exploits, that gave me just enough insight into the story that I could connect and understand.
Yet, the tone of the book was so abysmal I found myself just wanting it to end. There was clearly no hope for Konrad, so what was the point?
If Morgan's objective was to simply shine a light on how homophobic the gay community is, and how difficult we make it for anyone to really be themselves and find love, then he totally succeeded. If Morgan's objective was to write a character driven narrative with a lot of depth and development, then he failed. In the end though, whatever his objective was, he got a very mixed but powerful reaction from me, and isn't that what good writers do?
I am reminded of a quote that I try and live by which goes, "Never compare your life to that of someone's social media life because you are comparing your behind the scenes to their highlight reel." That to me, perfectly sums up this book.
In summation, this book is both awful and amazing, and unfortunately an all too real depiction of many of the issues the gay scene we currently are navigating through has. I only hope that those that read this take it with a grain of salt, and understand that while yes, this is definitely the dark side of the scene, there is a very beautiful and wonderful side as well that should be celebrated and embraced. ( )