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Don't You Ever: My Mother and Her Secret Son

von Mary Carter Bishop

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"In this profound memoir, Mary Carter Bishop takes an openhearted and unflinching look at a family history that is equal parts love story and requiem for a brother she barely knew. Bishop turns her formidable investigative journalism skills inward to unearth long-simmering class and culture divides in bucolic rural Virginia."--Beth Macy From a prizewinning journalist, Mary Carter Bishop, a moving and beautifully rendered memoir about the half-brother she didn't know existed that hauntingly explores family, class, secrets, and fate. Applying for a passport as an adult, Mary Carter Bishop made a shocking discovery. She had a secret half-brother. Her mother, a farm manager's wife on a country estate, told Mary Carter the abandoned boy was a youthful "mistake" from an encounter with a married man. There'd been a home for unwed mothers; foster parents; an orphanage. Nine years later, Mary Carter tracked Ronnie down at the barbershop where he worked, and found a near-broken man--someone kind, and happy to meet her, but someone also deeply and irreversibly damaged by a life of neglect and abuse at the hands of an uncaring system. He was also disfigured because of a rare medical condition that would eventually kill him, three years after their reunion. During that window, Mary Carter grew close to Ronnie, and as she learned more about him she became consumed by his story. How had Ronnie's life gone so wrong when hers had gone so well? How could she reconcile the doting, generous mother she knew with a woman who could not bring herself to acknowledge her own son? Digging deep into her family's lives for understanding, Mary Carter unfolds a sweeping story of religious intolerance, poverty, fear, ambition, class, and social expectations. Don't You Ever is a modern Dickensian tale about a child seemingly cursed from birth; a woman shattered by guilt; a husband plagued by self-doubt; a prodigal daughter whose innocence was cruelly snatched away--all living in genteel central Virginia, a world defined by extremes of rural poverty and fabulous wealth. A riveting memoir about a family haunted by a shameful secret, Don't You Ever is a powerful story of a woman's search for her long-hidden sibling, and the factors that profoundly impact our individual destinies.… (mehr)
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This must have been so painful for the author to write. She was raised by her parents in Keswick, Virginia, a very scenic area that had long attracted rich people for its beauty. The rich had a hunt club and still hunt foxes with hounds. Seems like that they are imitating the English. There was little to none middle class. It used to be that slaves carried out the roles of taking care of the rich. But after there was no more slavery, the poor whites took their jobs. Mary Carter Bishop's mother worked as a nurse to the children of the rich and her husband had a variety of jobs. taking care of the horses, gardens and being a general jack of all trades.

Mary lived a happy and contented life. They were poor but she was pampered by her parents. Later on, when she applied for a passport, she was shocked to find out that she had a half brother. When she asked about him, neither parent gave her much information. One time, her mother said that she had made a terrible mistake in her life that she could never forgive herself for.

Mary did find out what happened before her parents died and tried to form a sister-brother relationship with him but waited until after, her parents passed, to interview friends and relatives, and read old newspapers before she put together this truly painful story.

I encourage everyone to read and learn from this story. Many of the horrible things that happened to her half brother was the fault of the society at the time and place. I learned so much from this book. The mother suffered from guilt but her son suffered tremendously.

I received an advanced reading copy of this book from the Publisher as a win from FirstReads but that in no way made a difference in my thoughts or feelings in this review. ( )
  Carolee888 | May 9, 2018 |
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"In this profound memoir, Mary Carter Bishop takes an openhearted and unflinching look at a family history that is equal parts love story and requiem for a brother she barely knew. Bishop turns her formidable investigative journalism skills inward to unearth long-simmering class and culture divides in bucolic rural Virginia."--Beth Macy From a prizewinning journalist, Mary Carter Bishop, a moving and beautifully rendered memoir about the half-brother she didn't know existed that hauntingly explores family, class, secrets, and fate. Applying for a passport as an adult, Mary Carter Bishop made a shocking discovery. She had a secret half-brother. Her mother, a farm manager's wife on a country estate, told Mary Carter the abandoned boy was a youthful "mistake" from an encounter with a married man. There'd been a home for unwed mothers; foster parents; an orphanage. Nine years later, Mary Carter tracked Ronnie down at the barbershop where he worked, and found a near-broken man--someone kind, and happy to meet her, but someone also deeply and irreversibly damaged by a life of neglect and abuse at the hands of an uncaring system. He was also disfigured because of a rare medical condition that would eventually kill him, three years after their reunion. During that window, Mary Carter grew close to Ronnie, and as she learned more about him she became consumed by his story. How had Ronnie's life gone so wrong when hers had gone so well? How could she reconcile the doting, generous mother she knew with a woman who could not bring herself to acknowledge her own son? Digging deep into her family's lives for understanding, Mary Carter unfolds a sweeping story of religious intolerance, poverty, fear, ambition, class, and social expectations. Don't You Ever is a modern Dickensian tale about a child seemingly cursed from birth; a woman shattered by guilt; a husband plagued by self-doubt; a prodigal daughter whose innocence was cruelly snatched away--all living in genteel central Virginia, a world defined by extremes of rural poverty and fabulous wealth. A riveting memoir about a family haunted by a shameful secret, Don't You Ever is a powerful story of a woman's search for her long-hidden sibling, and the factors that profoundly impact our individual destinies.

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