I cried so much reading this. This book, more than anything, is sad. It hits you right in a deep place and makes the tears flow. And it's cathartic.

The plot was not what I was expecting. Based on the synopsis and Deaver's previous novel, I was expecting it to be more of a rom-com than anything else. Instead, it's an exploration of the grief one experiences when losing a loved one so close to them. But it's good. It's really, really good. Just make sure you have the tissue box ready.

TW: Suicidal thoughts, attempted self-harm ( )

This was a real bummer of a book but is a good take on grief as well as gender issues with high school age kids. While I didn't have to deal with any of these issues personally, Deaver portrays these things in a really believable way that it was easy to relate to the characters. As with a lot of high school-aged characters I read, as I get older, these characters aren't always easy to like. Liam/Lee, the main protagonist, is very self-absorbed and confused about who they are and want to be, while having the idea that they already know everything they need to. Their friends are also the same. I liked Marcus the best and really felt for him, and Deaver did a good job making him believable as a few years older than Liam. He's going through a lot of the same things as Liam but on an entirely different level, and Liam isn't the most empathetic character.
Overall, a definite recommend to younger readers going through a loss while coming to terms with who they are but I'm definitely not the intended audience. ( )

Grief cuts a gash into our lives that heals into a scar. It will be part of us for the rest of our lives. Grief over the loss of a loved one covers the gash, but never quite recovers from it.
delves deeply into the grief of a family as it endures the loss of its favored son. Killed by a hit and run driver, Ethan Cooper left a life full of promise and an adoring younger brother, Liam, the central character of the novel. Ethan’s athletic skills, great looks, charisma, and warmth had made him the envy of everyone. His death left grief-stricken victims striving to regain balance in their own lives.
No one struggles more than Liam who must also struggle with the coming-of-age challenges of all teens. Liam must struggle with watching his lifelong friends, Joel and Vanessa, find romance with each other reducing their roles as friends in Liam's life. He must face the challenges of school, difficult for him even before his grief, his own slow slide into adulthood, and the increasing importance of sexuality in his life and those of his friends. Marcus, Ethan's close friend also plays largely in Liam's life as Marcus. too, struggles to find meaning in his loss of Ethan.
The book is well observed delivering a poignant and painful story to readers, recognizing in themselves any struggles with grief of their own that they may have endured at some point in their lives. It is not so much a book to be enjoyed as it is one to be admired. Few books dig so deeply and realistically into the darkest, most personal of all human emotions. readers genuinely feel the pain Liam and those around him endure. Deaver is to be commended for his willingness to bring us a story that helps us find ourselves, to recall our own darkest moments as a sort of catharsis for us.
Why give only 4 stars instead of 5? Because I can’t give it 4 3/4.
Like too many YA novels that include a high school teacher calling upon a student, Deaver portrays the teachers here addressing students as “Mr.” or “Miss.” That practice used to occur in universities but occurs only in fictional high schools. It seems a small thing, but it is a detail that steals from the authenticity of the novel. It is not the only one, but it is one that seems to be an erroneous stock-in-trade of too many YA writers.
Another error common to YA writers is to portray the schools as having lockers when most American high schools have discovered the safety and contraband risks having lockers present for the schools. Students now carry backpacks overburdened with heavy textbooks combined with the personal items they will need throughout the day. There are also the errors of allowing teenaged students to have psychological insights into themselves and into others that simply are not realistic, yet are excusable in novels only because they are necessary in order for the author to utilize the point-of-view he chooses for presenting his novel.
On the other hand, the book allows the role of non-binary lifestyles and actions to hide in the background of this well-told tale of grief, suffering, loss, struggle, and healing. The non-binary perspective does not even appear until well into the book. It is not the primary driver of the plot, but a passenger within it demonstrating that the power and intensity of grief supersedes any other struggles human beings encounter on their way to living the fullness of life. ( )

Please read my review on Amazon.com under C. Wong. Thank you. ( )