Having recently lost my husband to cancer, I could not finish this book. I thought the story might be relatable and healing, like Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking". It was not. ( )

Breathe, Joyce Carol Oates, author; Cassandra Campbell, narrator
This strange book appears to be an homage to the author’s own not too distant grievous loss, after a decade of marriage to her second husband. It is terribly difficult to read it, as it is relentless in its brutal descriptions of life and death with its grief and loneliness.
When her husband and the love of Michaela’s life, Gerard McManus, falls ill unexpectedly, after only a dozen years of marriage, and he rapidly descends toward death, she either goes mad or simply lives in and imagines an alternate reality, most of the time. They had planned so many years and so many things to do together, but now, they never would have them. As man plans, G-d often laughs, as the saying goes. She was Gerard’s second wife, and she found herself wondering, as his mind wandered, from which wife was he seeking comfort?
The novel is about unbearable loss, the stages of grief and loneliness, and our ability or inability to cope with our lives when we are faced with devastating trauma and hopeless prospects. Does Michaela feel guilty for being alive as Gerard lays dying? Can she bear the thought of his absence from her life? Is she a victim who joins her husband in death after attempting to sacrifice everything to save him, or does she become the lone survivor, finally facing her loss and beginning a new chapter in her life? She is, after all, still young. I am not sure the reader will be able to decide which, as Oates paints alternate realities on almost every page.
This is one of the most depressing books I have ever read, as well as the most intuitive into our innermost thoughts. However, if the reader can’t get past the gross demon gods, the nightmares, the odd characters, the barbaric legends, the gory descriptions of a life that seems irreparable so that hospice care and/or psychological intervention will be necessary for all the living and the dying, I advise the reader to pass it by. One needs a high tolerance for aberrant behavior and alternate worlds in order to appreciate this novel, for Oates imagination has really explored the outer edges of our hopeless existence this time. We witness Michaela as she suffers from a grief too large to bear as her despair overcomes her, as her husband’s illness defeats him, as she refuses to eat, grows faint, harms herself without knowing, and cannot breathe, although she keeps begging Gerard to continue to breathe. She too, hallucinates and does not accept her reality. It is a rapid descent into madness as she grows unable to function in the real world and all of her hopes and dreams vanish.
There are no redeeming features. Nurses and medical personnel are indifferent, friends are false, despair and hopelessness are the only reality for Michaela and thus, also for the reader. There is no place to turn for real comfort, for there is no cure for what she or Gerard have to endure on their own.
The descriptions of loss are authentic, however, though they are almost too visceral. The description of relationships is right on the money as well, with one partner always making sacrifices for the other who often does not wholly appreciate them, with the devastating effects of tragedy on all of us. Our own re-examination of our relationships, in deep detail, is very common when devastating illness strikes or when tragedy of any kind occurs. It requires a readjustment of our lives in order to deal with the suffering to come.
Do we not demand that the victim continue to breathe for our own sake, and not theirs, always, so we get to keep them as long as we can, regardless of how they suffer, even as they become a shell of a human being with no lifelike qualities except for the breath of air a machine can provide? It is very disturbing as death and loneliness overwhelm the characters. Often, I found it hard to discern which of the narratives was real and which was imaginary, as Micaela’s life also seemed to travel down the road of unreality.
The book seemed overly preoccupied, perhaps to the point of obsession, with the sexual references to some Native American gods and goddesses, but especially when referring to Skli and Ishtikini. Blood, suffering, tumors, metastases, mental problems were so front and center it was difficult to keep reading without becoming depressed myself, yet it was written so well, I could not give it less than a three stars. However, At one point when the author lists television programs that Gerard prefers, they are all left-wing, which unnecessarily gave away her own personal political views. In addition, why were several themes so repetitious. It became distracting. The reader will wonder if the end scene is a reference to Oates’ description of Orpheus as he attempts to bring Eurydice back to life, hinting therefore that Michaela succumbs when “Gerard” turns to look back, or will the reader believe that because the story of Orpheus is truly a legend, her survival is meant to be the real ending? ( )

I almost have to say that I hated it more than 1 star could ever convey. Not because it was badly written but because Gerald's slow death was agonizing to read about. I ask you...who wants to read about all the excruciating details about a loved one dying? I caught myself breathing with Gerald as he breathed what could have been his last breath, and it was almost a relief when it finally was. I truly understood Michaela's love and devotion to begin with, but the story was beyond difficult. I guess that was probably the whole point of the title. Another thing that I started to hate Michaela for was that she refuses the most minute extensions of any support. I believe this one may actually give me more nightmares than any of the horror/paranormal genre books I read ever could. ( )

Publishers Synopsis:
Amid a starkly beautiful but uncanny landscape in New Mexico, a married couple from Cambridge, MA takes residency at a distinguished academic institute. When the husband is stricken with a mysterious illness, misdiagnosed at first, their lives are uprooted and husband and wife each embarks upon a nightmare journey. At thirty-seven, Michaela faces the terrifying prospect of widowhood - and the loss of Gerard, whose identity has greatly shaped her own.

Review:
"Nothing matters except: he must not die. He must breathe. He must not cease breathing.
He is neither fully awake nor is he unconscious...You are alert and alive as you have rarely been in your life determined that your husband breathe. Pleading in desperation. In childish hope. Begging your husband Breathe! Don't stop breathing! "

This is our greeting into this hauntingly tragic story of one decision; One instant that you will focus on where everything seemed to change You will drive yourself mad wondering if things could have been different, if only things could have been different. Then Michaela would not be gripping the cool limp hand that once gripped hers back firmly, repeating that you're there and that you love him. "What you love most, that you will lose. The price of your love is your loss" and so it goes on, we sit watch as Michaelas husband dwindles physically, as does Michaela as a result of worrying over him and trying to support him. However, Michaela declines mentally as well, dipping into dark territories as she watches the cancer eat away at once was her husband.

Joyce Carol Oates paints a disturbingly authentic picture of what it's like on the inside of one watching their loved one slowly slip away. Her prose is beautiful, urgent and striking. At times I must confess to catching myself holding my breath, tears streaming down my face as I read along, feeling every ounce of pain and fear that waxes and wanes throughout the months. This surprised me as I am not a crier, more a quiet mourner but oh! the brilliance between these pages wrapped themselves around me and before I knew it, I was crying and pleading right along with Michaela.

After we watch her fall apart, we must watch what follows as she tries to move act normal, keep herself pulled together, a facade that may save her as she has nothing left. Everywhere she goes though she feels the loss.

This book is one you need to read when you are not distracted by family members running around or the tv playing. Every single word of this demands to be fully understood, fully felt which takes turning away from outer distractions for a brief time but OH, will it be worth it!

It is true that Joyce Carol Oates is a master story teller encompassing a wide array of styles and techniques in each of her stories, each unique in themselves yet unmistakably hers. Breathe is a masterpiece that will not disappoint. Part love story part horror that is terrifying beyond belief because it is the horror many of us either already know, or will one day know all too well; and nothing, nothing will prepare you for that absurdity that is the last moment. the end. If there is an end. Joyce Carol Oates has taken a topic that is ugly, disturbing with an air of being unapproachable in conversation and exposes is in an equally disturbing yet beautiful way.

I feel as though I could go on for days about the beauty of Breathe, though I could never say enough. This is not a story that is easy to describe beyond a fairly simplistic synopsis it's the beauty between the pages that no one can expect to accurately describe except perhaps, Joyce Carol Oates herself.

I strongly recommend you pick this up, whether you relate to the storyline, need a good cry, or are simply a fan of brilliant literature this book has something for you. Don't miss it.

4.5 out of 5 stars is the rating I would choose given the choice of half star ratings.

Thank you to netgalley and the wonderful Joyce Carol Oates for providing me an advanced e-copy to read in exchange for this honest unprompted review. I was thrilled beyond words when the approval came in, and I cannot thank you enough for bringing Breathe to the public. ( )

As a long-time fan of Oates, I eagerly await the release of her works. "Breathe" is a harrowing tale of grief. One review aptly described it as a "fever dream" of a novel. The author's blending of reality with staggering disorientation was a bit difficult to navigate in spots. Still, I found the book enthralling from its opening passage to its stunning ending. It wasn't my favorite work by Oates, but the bar is always set incredibly high when I open one of her masterful works. ( )