Book title and author: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr. Julie Smith reviewed 5-18-24

Why I picked this book up: A 71 year-old, college graduate and ex-marine Pt of mine told me in our first session, “I’m on disability” and “I cant work and when I did, I was never good at it.” When employed and instructed repeatedly how to accomplish tasks reported forgetting what he was taught and would say he didn’t know what he was doing. He had a job as a security guard and when working he told me he would walk away and never return. Past coworkers and his wife would become frustrated and not understand how or why he said he didn’t know how right after being shown many times. He once told me, “I don’t eve know how to use a screwdriver.” He was in the military, went to bootcamp, was ridiculed to the point of becoming suicidal, was hospitalized and discharged from military service, recently purchased this book, from Barns & Noble, told me he how much he enjoyed it let me read it. I like this man a lot, see him as socially appropriate and was told he has been on disability for many years due to being on the autism spectrum disorders scale. I’m having difficulty explaining what is happening with this man and am fascinated to read what peaked his interest in this book. He has a very good wrote memory but was accused if plagiarism because his answers were verbatim.

Thoughts: Psychologist and author, Dr. Julie Smith explains psychology, and offers practical strategies and tools to improve mental well-being. After 10 years’ experience as a clinical psychologist the author of this book teaches several concepts, strategies and tools for navigating mental health challenges and suggestions for emotional well-being. She realized many of her Pts don’t actually need therapy and said, “They just need to understand how their minds and bodies work and to equip themselves with strategies and know-how to manage their mental-emotional health.” This book is a compilation of the insights and tools that Dr. Smith applied in therapy. It was originally written in 8 sections over 36 chapters, here is an overview of the concepts and strategies that cut across all 8 sections, before outlining the ideas in the 8 specific areas of mental-emotional health. She pointed out emotional challenges like bad moods, anxiety and negative thoughts, are all normal. They’re not a sign that something is wrong with you. To improve well-being, it’s crucial to understand how your mind and body work, then practice the strategies and tools in this book until they become second-nature she asserts. Again, remember: thoughts and feelings are not facts. They’re just your brain’s interpretations of internal and external cues, mixed with biases, assumptions, memories, and opinions she wrote.

Specifically, thoughts, feelings, and actions are all interconnected which I have used for years but she added physical sensations all four influences one another. For instance, she uses as an example dehydration and poor sleep can make you feel irritable. The way you interpret physical experiences also shapes emotional and cognitive responses. Across the 8 mental-health sections in “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?”, several tools and strategies surface repeatedly. They include:
• Journaling frequently about your experiences, thoughts, feelings, and responses, to cultivate self-awareness.
• Practicing mindfulness, which I have been using a lot more recently is about being fully present in the moment and observing your inner world without judgment.
• Applying metacognition to notice your thoughts and how they affect you, then make a conscious decision to choose your thoughts and responses (rather than let them control you).
• Create some distance between your thoughts/emotions and your identity and reality. Label your thought biases and emotions, and use distance language by saying “I am having thoughts that…” or “I am noticing these sensations…”
• Share your observations with a trusted friend, and get him/her to point out unhelpful patterns real-time.
• Choose self-compassion, not self-criticism. Encourage and support yourself the way you would a close friend or a loved one.
• Practice gratitude: write down at least 3 things you’re grateful for each day, to train the mind to focus on positives.
Managing Specific Mental-Emotional Challenges
Here’s a quick overview of the 8 common mental-emotional challenges and what they entail. In our full 17-page version of the Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before summary, we’ll be explaining each of these 8 sections in detail, along with the underlying psychological concepts and the strategies/tools to be adapted or tailored for each challenge.

General Tools and Strategies
Across the 8 mental-health sections in “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?”, several tools and strategies surface repeatedly. They include:
• Journaling frequently about your experiences, thoughts, feelings, and responses, to cultivate self-awareness.
• Practicing mindfulness, which is about being fully present in the moment and observing your inner world without judgment.
• Applying metacognition to notice your thoughts and how they affect you, then make a conscious decision to choose your thoughts and responses (rather than let them control you).
• Create some distance between your thoughts/emotions and your identity and reality. Label your thought biases and emotions, and use distance language by saying “I am having thoughts that…” or “I am noticing these sensations…”
• Share your observations with a trusted friend, and get him/her to point out unhelpful patterns real-time.
• Choose self-compassion, not self-criticism. Encourage and support yourself the way you would a close friend or a loved one.
• Practice gratitude: write down at least 3 things you’re grateful for each day, to train the mind to focus on positives.

Low Moods
Moods are influenced by both internal and external factors, such as physical health or environment. Often, they signal unmet needs.
Beware of unhelpful responses that worsen your mood (e.g. seeking instant relief or engaging in unhelpful thought biases). Learn to break the negative thought patterns, and turn your bad days around using journaling, gratitude, and other various other tools.

Lack of Motivation
Motivation is created through action, not the other way around. Don’t wait for motivation to act. Learn various strategies to spark and maintain motivation, and take action even when you don’t feel like it—this will trigger biological and emotional shifts to make you feel motivated. Your ultimate goal is to repeat the desired behaviors until they become automatic, effortless habits.

Emotional Pain
Emotions are neither good nor bad. They’re your brain’s interpretation of what’s going on and what you need. They’re transient and will pass naturally. The key is to embrace all emotions (including the unpleasant ones) in order to understand and manage them using the range of emotional management strategies

Grief
Grief is a natural part of the human experience, not a disorder nor a sign of weakness. It’s the sense of deep yearning when you’ve lost something meaningful, e.g. a loved one, a job, or a sense of security (as many experienced during the Covid pandemic). Allow yourself to go through its natural process, including: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Self-Doubt and Criticism
Humans are social creatures and we naturally care about others’ opinions. Criticisms are stressful because they suggest that we’ve failed to meet others’ expectations, and might risk rejection or abandonment. Remember: the only approval you need is from yourself. Learn only from criticisms that align with your personal values, and let go of the rest. Cultivate self-acceptance, practice self-compassion, build confidence and overcome the fear of failure.

Fear and Anxiety
Fear and anxiety alert you to potential dangers. They can be triggered by both real and imagined threats. Anxiety involves excessive worry, even without an immediate threat. Learn to avoid unhelpful responses that amplify anxiety, recondition your brain’s response through controlled exposure to the fear stimulus, manage anxiety in the moment so it doesn’t escalate into panic, and confront the universal fear of death.

Stress
Stress is a natural response to help us cope with external demands. It’s usually in response to specific tasks or situations, such as a busy schedule or a competition. Replenish yourself periodically, and learn to use stress to improve performance without overwhelm.

Living a Meaningful Life
Don’t pursue happiness, which is a fleeting emotion. Focus on living a fulfilling, values-focused life. At the same time, nurture meaningful relationships, which are vital for happiness, mental and physical well-being.
Getting the Most from Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
Ready to learn more about the mental-emotional insights in Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? For detailed insights, examples and actionable tips for the ideas above, do check out our full book summary bundle that includes an infographic, 17-page text summary, and a 27-minute audio summary.

Low Moods
Moods are influenced by both internal and external factors, such as physical health or environment. Often, they signal unmet needs.
Beware of unhelpful responses that worsen your mood (e.g. seeking instant relief or engaging in unhelpful thought biases). Learn to break the negative thought patterns, and turn your bad days around using journaling, gratitude, and other various other tools.

Lack of Motivation
Motivation is created through action, not the other way around. Don’t wait for motivation to act. Learn various strategies to spark and maintain motivation, and take action even when you don’t feel like it—this will trigger biological and emotional shifts to make you feel motivated. Your ultimate goal is to repeat the desired behaviors until they become automatic, effortless habits.

Emotional Pain
Emotions are neither good nor bad. They’re your brain’s interpretation of what’s going on and what you need. They’re transient and will pass naturally. The key is to embrace all emotions (including the unpleasant ones) in order to understand and manage them using the range of emotional management strategies provided.

Grief
Grief is a natural part of the human experience, not a disorder nor a sign of weakness. It’s the sense of deep yearning when you’ve lost something meaningful, e.g. a loved one, a job, or a sense of security (as many experienced during the Covid pandemic). Allow yourself to go through its natural process, including: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Self-Doubt and Criticism
Humans are social creatures and we naturally care about others’ opinions. Criticisms are stressful because they suggest that we’ve failed to meet others’ expectations, and might risk rejection or abandonment. Remember: the only approval you need is from yourself. Learn only from criticisms that align with your personal values, and let go of the rest. Cultivate self-acceptance, practice self-compassion, build confidence and overcome the fear of failure.

Why I finished this read: this book was a basic yet interesting to me. She makes her material fun and relatable. Basics such as Why Do You Feel the Way You Do? Your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and behaviors are all interconnected. Thoughts. Become aware of the sources of your
mental-emotional challenges, so you can consciously manage the sources
and your responses. Behaviors Ask yourself: how can you adjust each
component to start feeling better?

Stars rating: Don’t try to suppress or avoid negative thoughts and feelings, as it only makes things worse. Instead, seek to become aware of the sources of your mental-emotional challenges, so you can consciously manage those sources and your responses. For instance, you might be thinking “I’m so useless!” You sense a tightness in your chest, feel frustrated with yourself, and feel the urge to isolate yourself. These factors can reinforce one another to make you feel worse. Ask yourself: How can you adjust each component to start feeling better? this is a good book I rated a 4 of 5 stars and recommend buying it for its practical use many people may benefit from reading. ( )

Addresses a range of issues about mental-emotional wellness, including general self-care and emotional awareness/management practices, as well as concepts and practices specific to 8 types of emotional-mental challenges. You'll learn:
• The key sources of our mental-emotional challenges, why we feel the way we do, and unknowingly make things worse through our own responses.
• The psychological insights, strategies and tools for managing 8 main areas of mental-emotional challenges—low moods, lack of motivation, emotional pain, grief, self-doubt and criticism, fear and anxiety, grief, and finding meaning in life.
Book summary at: https://readingraphics.com/book-summary-why-has-nobody-told-me-this-before/ ( )

Best for:
People looking for some tools to help them handle challenges of life.

In a nutshell:
Therapist Dr Smith (who is apparently also very popular on social media) offers tips, exercises, and tools to address some of the issues many people face.

Worth quoting:
“We can live a happy and fulfilling life and still experience the full range of emotions that comes along with being human.”

“One of my favourite ways to turn my attention to a compassionate thought process is to ask myself, if I was coaching a friend through this, what would I say and how would I say it?”

Why I chose it:
I’ve picked it up in a few different bookstores but heard others talking about it as well so decided to check it out.

Review:
This is not a bad book, and my rating of three stars is probably closer to 3.5. I think I’ve read enough books like this one that I shouldn’t be surprised when there isn’t a ton of new (to me) information. That said, the information is presented in a way that my brain loved - distinct sections with an introductory overview, then chapters talking through ways to address the different issues.

The book covers low mood, motivation, emotional pain, grief, self-doubt, fear, stress, and living a meaningful life. I keep a little notebook of things I’ve read that I find helpful, and I definitely found some useful things in this book, things I’m trying out to sort through anxiety and stress. And for those who maybe cannot afford therapy or are skeptical of it, I could see making use of the tools in this book as a good middle ground, at least initially.

While reading the book, I got the sense that Dr Smith might have issue with medication - I know that psychologists and psychiatrists can have some strong opinions about other’s professional approach. I did find a quote from her online that says “I am not against medication in general….However, I believe strongly that medication should not be the only tool available.” Which, I agree, and so it feels a bit strawman to me - like, who is saying medication is or should be the only tool available? So, anyway, something to think about when reading this book.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it ( )

very good! ( )