I'm not much into memoirs, but the title of this one drew me in; that's a story for another day. Unfortunately, the title was the best thing going for this one.

I listened to the book which was read by the author and I've never been more disappointed in a performance. It's her book, written by her, yet she sounds so bored, so forced, so anxious just to push through. There are times when her mumbling is such I have to rewind and try again before I can understand what she is saying.

As for the content, there are some awful events that McCurdy went through growing up, but unfortunately, and perhaps this was just her tone of voice in the audio version, she sounds like it's all passe, ho-hum, whatever. If that is the case, why put it in there? Maybe someone else should have read the book aloud if that isn't the case. Perhaps reading the book may have made some of the blase feel of it less pronounced.

Lastly, this book makes me feel sad for the author -- she doesn't sound like someone who has healed from the torment she describes.

I think I'll go back to my "not into memories" stance. ( )

What a life this woman has had. And she is a hell of a writer. I hope she has more books in her. And I hope she has found a little bit of peace. ( )

First off, I want to say there are a multitude of trigger warnings for this book, and I encourage you to look them up before you read them. The only reason I'm not listing them here is because I'm afraid I'll forget one.

Now, this book is a difficult, sad, infuriating read, but I believe it can be a necessary one (maybe not for everyone which is why I say it can be). The reason why I believe this was a necessary book for me to read is because I grew up with a not so great mom at times, and someone close to be has struggled with eating disorders, so this book helped me understand the mindset of a person with an eating disorder more.

Jennette starts out very young trying to be a people pleaser. It begins with doing everything her mom wants her to do, so that her mom will be happy (and Jennette believed this would help keep her mother alive). A lot of stuff Jennette's mother did was horrendous, and by the time her mother died, I was glad she had died too.

After her mother died, Jennette had a long road to recovery. She had to work on getting rid of her eating disorder, taking her mom off of the pedestal she had place her mom on, and ultimately decided for herself what she wanted to do with her life instead of letting others dictate what she was to do.

In the book, Jennette always enjoyed writing more than acting. During her recovery from the eating disorders, she says, "When everything's in my head, it feels chaotic and jumbled. But when I can look down at a sheet a paper and see myself reflected back in words and tallies and graphs, it's clarifying." (Chapter 81, page 274) I feel like this book was that for her. She saw her whole life on paper after going through all this therapy, and it was clarifying for her. It was a big step in her healing journey, I think.

By the end of the book, Jennette has stopped purging, she enjoys the food she's eating instead of feeling shame and guilt, she's decided to quit acting and do what she wants to do for once in her life, and she has taken her mom off of the pedestal and accepted that her mother abused her and didn't want what was best for her.

Finally, I'm going to include some quotes here:

"I scream and kick and roll around intensely. I get lost in it. There's a part of me that almost feels good doing it. Like this has been waiting to come out for a long time. Like I've been stuffing this down, shoving it down, and finally here it is. This is how I really feel. Like screaming." -Chapter 18, page 67

"I'm humiliated. And ashamed. How did I let this happen? How did I become a woman? I don't know the answer, but I know the solution. I know what I'll do to fix this....I've been slacking and the slacking needs to stop. I need to get back to anorexia. I need to be a kid again." -Chapter 36, page 127

"This new relationship to food deeply confuses me. For years I have been in control of my diet, my body, myself. I have kept myself rail-thin and my body childlike and I have found the perfect combination of power and solace in that. But now I feel out of control. Reckless. Hopeless. The old combination of power and solace is replaced by a new combination of shame and chaos. I do not understand what is happening to me. I am terrified of what will happen when Mom sees me." -Chapter 38, page 134

"Maybe that's growth, to be embarrassed." -Chapter 85, page 288

"I want my life to be in my hands. Not an eating disorder's or a casting director's or an agent's or my mom's. Mine." -Chapter 87, page 293 ( )

(3.5 Stars)

This was a good, and interesting book. I spent equal time being horrified, outraged, and to be honest...feeling sorry for Jennette. Parts of this book made me feel very uncomfortable, yet intrigued.
( )

i knew this was going to be a tough read but i wasn't prepared to have a few lines of the PROLOGUE bring tears to my eyes. jennette i am spiritually holding your hand and i hope writing this lifted some weight off your shoulders. i can't even begin to think of a review for something like this so i'll just say i'm incredibly moved by her ability to share her story and i'm so proud of the progress she's made and continues to make and i wish her nothing but safety and love and fulfillment going forward. ( )