~ Oh, no…. You’re a real woman; I’m a real man—can we ever be friends? ….

It didn’t make me feel as good about sex as the first billionaire romance I read, the one about the doctor, but this was okay. It’s a romantic adventure, (and not a Jane Austen bop), and I think violence can be a good metaphor for the act itself, you know—although they’re not violent with each other, right; they’re just kinda in the storm together. Not that it’s cute; it’s rather explicit, you know. But it did normalize, to some extent, people fucking because that’s an activity they enjoy doing together, the way that you can’t if you’re in a good Christian marriage full of piety and resp—well, maybe not respect. But lots of piety, right. 🥧 😸 (Pie…. Ity, get it? Pie…. Or piety, the eternal struggle.)

Ah, what else. I mean, I didn’t totally ‘get’ the feels, you know—I guess because the guy was sorta the athletic type, like a real man, and I guess I’m more like Harry Styles than I let on. I just don’t want girlie to think that that’s what I came here for, you know…. I mean, maybe if there were a romance with a guy like that, but they were part of something that was like, solving climate crisis or something, right…. I dunno.

Anyway, it’s defs not a ‘cute’ book, but I think that it’s better than the sort of life where you go looking for rough sex even though you don’t really like sex at all, and you hate yourself. Here, you get some rough sex because that’s just an activity that you enjoy, right…. Lol.

It’s a middling book. A middling popular romantic adventure.

…. The bounty hunter real man is kinda weird: constantly reiterating in his head that he wants to stay away, and putting her down, etc…. And threatening all the other guys who get too close.

…. I guess that’s realistic though lol.

But anyway, yeah: the adventure/mystery climax part of the book makes no sense at all. It’s like, what…. Publisher deadline or something lol…. Like, you gotta care about the whole book, you know. Or I mean, you can do whatever you want, but….

…. Ok, premature; fake you out—boom!

It’s not so bad.

…. It’s very modern.

It’s easy to make fun of moderns, of vampires wandering the earth alone or in pairs, but although modernity is a lot of the world out there, maybe most of it, it’s far from being all or the highest rent, even, part of story-land and mind-land and so on, dreamer-land, naysayer-land, right. And everywhere, all across the world, in ancient times it was very The tribe says this, and, The tribe says No—heavy, even when some of the rules made a little sense. Even today the world certainly isn’t ~all~ modern, you know. There is a sort of sense to experiencing your modern world alone or in pairs, mostly, for both inherent and conditional reasons. You can’t make the whole town, I don’t know—not even that you can’t just make them all like you, you can’t even make them live in the same century as you. Some households live in the twenty-first century, others the twentieth or the nineteenth: others…. There is one scene that’s a little extreme, in terms of matching an activity to a location, but it is a book, after all, and there is a sort of sticking out of the tongue to bad vibes that comes naturally to people, although again, not everything in a book, especially a workaday book, is 100% realistic…. But there are bad vibes vs rebellion, you know. Bono wrote that once a priest practically beat him up for falling sleep in a church, when he was looking for answers alone….

…. I mean, it’s like that Apollo energy, right. Now, don’t get me wrong, all the gods can be holy—but sometimes Apollo can piss me off. He’s not malicious really and he’s not necessarily aggressive, but he just needs to get over himself, you know—he just really really needs to get over himself. He’s the marble man, is he not? He just needs to be something other than a man of marble every so often, and then I promise I won’t call him a bully….

…. Not that the hero is Apollo. He’s more of an Ares. I don’t have a lot of positive or negative feels for Ares anymore. I suppose he is what he is, you know. What you see is what you get. Like, they’d never play grunge in a grocery store because of the grannies, whereas on the internet it’s like, (stupid voice) Kurt Cobain! Kurt Cobain! Righteous, dude! ~Whereas I can sorta listen to it and…. I don’t know, it’s not punk; it’s a new punk with the same spirit, but…. I mean, I don’t know. It’s a dance; it’s a show. It is what it is.

Rating romance books is a little more difficult than rating basically any other genre, because they aren’t really supposed to hold up to close scrutiny. They are essentially fantasy fulfillment, and most people don’t really expect them to have much resemblance to real life. At least I don't? But there’s still a lot of variance between books within the genre, so how to rate them fairly?

How about we take a look at the different aspects that I have expectations for, when I read romance:

Writing - I don’t need a literary masterpiece, but I need effortless writing that I don’t really have to pay attention to. Bailey’s writing is a little jarring and over the top, and on several occasions I found myself laughing at the ridiculousness of the writing, not so much the jokes.

Characters - A teeny tiny sunshine woman with t&a, and a big gruff man who’s secretly soft but only for the heroine. Ms. Tessa surely does have a type. I liked the main girl well enough, but the main guy was a bit too greasy for my liking. Also, I'm assuming the brother will end up with his own book, considering the best friend drama in the sidelines?

Romance - I can take insta lust, but no one falls in love in a couple of days. They just don't.

Tension - I didn’t really want the main characters to get together, didn’t really buy the tension, and the conflict of the commitment phobic man is basically the most tired one out there.

Spice - Some of the sex scenes were hot, though I have to say the daddy thing is a bit of an ick of mine.

Plot - The mystery aspect was a little tacked on, but this was first and foremost a smutty romance, so no one should pick this up if they’re looking for a mystery to begin with.

All in all, this was one of the more lackluster romance novels I’ve ever read. ( )

Short and sweet, I loved it! ( )

econd grade teacher, Taylor, saved a long time, and now that her brother, Jude, needs a vacation, she decides to spend the money on a beach-side rental house. Unfortunately when she and Jude arrive, there is a dead body in the laundry room, a victim of murder. Myles is a former police officer turned bounty hunter after a case-gone-bad and agrees to investigate the murder for a friend. He doesn't want Taylor's help, but she has insinuated herself into the investigation. The more he works with her, the more Myles realizes just how special she is, but resists his attraction to her because he is damaged and knows that he isn't right for her.

My Killer Vacation is a classic rom-com/romantic suspense story about a mismatched couple investigating a murder. It's the kind of story that would have made a perfect wacky 1950s romance movie but with a lot more stream thrown in. Suspension of disbelief is necessary to enjoy this story, even though it seems as though it is meant to be realistic. Myles fits the cliche of a bounty hunter, and Taylor is the quirky teacher, who is a lot more than she appears to be. The mystery does play a part in the story, but the romance is definitely the focus. Overall, My Killer Vacation fulfills the promise of an entertaining read. ( )

Not what i was expecting from Tessa Bailey. Taylor’s character was ok but there did not seem to be any chemistry or build-up to why she would end up with the private investigator. It really read like a bad porno movie. While I know to expect some steamy sex scenes from this author this is the first I’ve encountered a dom/sub scenario in one of her books (note I havent read them all so not sure if this is the first one or not). While I’m sure what was in this book would be considered very tame BDSM it was too much for me and ruined the story. ( )