This is a story about the daughter of two dancers, a story about a dance between art and legacy, love and ambition, betrayal and forgiveness. It’s beautifully choreographed—although, not without its flaws—as it explores the legacy of creating art and the price of putting it out into the world. The story begins with James and, as he is charming and charismatic, enchants you right into this world of ballet. Carlisle, James’s husband’s daughter, is the sole narrator and, I think, a major flaw since she’s the blandest of all the characters. While the details of her betrayal and reason for a 19-year estrangement from her father, Robert, create some suspense, I was really much more interested in Robert and James’ story. I wanted all of the dramatic details of their love affair that survives decades of important moments for the queer community: the AIDS epidemic, “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” Marriage Equality Act. Instead, their relationship, which was one of the most interesting parts, felt somewhat incomplete. Regardless, this was still an enjoyable read—the side characters are worth being center-stage and the glimpse inside the life of artists is just as captivating. ( )

A year ago, I was going my rounds of the local little libraries when I found what sounded like a very good book. Ballet! Fraught relationships! A mysterious event from the past that the narration will coyly avoid clarifying until the split-timeline climax!

This is not that book. (That book was The Ballerinas by Rachel Kepelke-Dale, and it wasn't any good at all.) This book is what I wanted that book to be. Which is very lucky for me, because I bought this book new (!!!!) for full price and everything.

Meg Howrey does a great job at constructing emotionally complex relationships between her characters. Carlisle's desire for her fathers' love and loyalty—and her complementary neglect of her relationship with her mother—felt realistically painful and naive. And the invisible weight of misogyny, both in her personal and professional relationships, felt—for lack of a better word—very real. Reminiscent of the feeling I had reading Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels—yes, this person gets it, yes, this person lives in the world I live in. It's not quite a favorite, but I'm sure I'll be recommending it people. It would make a great book club read.

As for my one and only negative note: the more books I read, the more I sour on nonlinearity. It feels like a cheap ploy for tension, like the author doesn't trust the narrative they've constructed to stand on its own merits. I think I would have liked this better if it were told more straightforwardly. The emotional consequences of Carlisle's estrangement from her fathers would have been weightier if the narrative lingered there longer, instead of resolving the estrangement as soon as we understand why and how it happened. ( )

I am about as graceful as a duck in a tutu, wobbly and pigeon-toed but that doesn't stop me from being attracted to books set in the professional dance world. There's something so dreamy about ballerinas, pancake tutus, pointe shoes, and the seemingly effortless way they glide across a stage. But all that ethereal grace and art hide a tough and punishing underside: stress on the body, serious athletics, hard work, body expectations both for weight and height, dedication, and a short professional window. Meg Howrey's remarkable novel of a father and daughter's relationship, They're Going to Love You, revolves around this competitive and unforgiving world.

Told from the perspective of an adult Carlisle, and alternating between her past and present, this is a story of family drama, love, belonging, betrayal, the sometimes fragile bond of the parent/child relationship, finding peace, and ballet. Carlisle is the daughter of a former Ballanchine ballerina and a noted choreographer. Her parents divorced when she was young and she only got to see her father and his partner James for a few weeks in the summer. She adored life with her father and James, who recognized her natural talent and mentored her in the dance world. She wanted more than anything to belong to them and to their NYC dance world, despite the devastation that AIDS was wreaking in it, and she seemed to be well on her way to becoming a professional ballerina herself. But something happened both professionally and personally and she's been estranged from her father and James for years when she receives a phone call from James telling her that her father is dying and she should come back to NYC to say goodbye.

The cause of the estrangement is only slowly revealed as Carlisle relives for the reader the summer that the rupture occurred. She's a fascinating character and the novel is first person so we see all of her hestitations, questions, and regrets. It's easy to see that even as a 40 or 50 year old woman, she's still looking to be someone's first choice (James is her father's first choice and her step-father and half brother are her mother's). As she prepares to go to New York to see her father again, can she put the past aside, forgive, and finally choose herself no matter what awaits her? The ballet pieces are interesting and technical, but not too technical for non-dancers. The writing itself is elegant and balletic and the story presents common themes in intriguing new ways.

This novel is one of the Women's National Book Association's Great Group Reads for 2023. ( )

In 2016, Carlisle Martin is a choreographer in LA who gets the call that her father Robert is dying. They have been estranged for nineteen years; when Carlisle was young, she lived with her mother, a former ballerina, and visited Robert and James in their Bank Street apartment in New York a couple times a year. Carlisle always wanted to be truly part of their life, yet remained outside as the AIDS crisis ravaged Robert and James' generation.

*Spoiler alert*
When Carlisle is 24, James asks her to go to Mexico to see a young, straight dancer, Alex; Robert thought there was something between them and insisted that James cut off contact with him. Carlisle goes, but instead of delivering James' package to Alex - a notebook with his choreography - she and Alex fall in love. Meanwhile, back at home, James attempts suicide, and Robert blames Carlisle for leaving him alone and for getting involved with Alex - even though James didn't know about them. This leads to their estrangement. With Robert on his deathbed, is forgiveness - for either of them - possible? Carlisle muses as she travels from LA to New York, calling on her mother Isabel and her friend Freya, and at the same time wondering how to create new, original choreography for Firebird.

See also: The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai, Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt

Quotes

"At a certain point...you realize your moment has passed. You won't achieve those dreams of youth. You have to make new dreams. But I don't have any new dreams." (James to Carlisle, 7)

My curiosity is for the imaginative, not the actual, and I sometimes don't notice real things. Perhaps all children are like this. (17)

What a silly game. If I prove my loneliness, I might earn the right to be sad? (29)

My father is not afraid to fight, or hold a grudge. (45)

[Isabel] can make her face impressively blank, totally expressionless, but in such a way it's clear she's gone into some other mental room to have opinions. (52)

It is hard to know what is depression, and what is an appropriate response to a plague on your house. (90)

"For every artist, there's a ceiling. As a teacher, your role is to make the very best of what is there." (98)

"Loyalty isn't only about sticking by someone no matter what....Loyalty is also about making sacrifices for the other person. That's what makes a family." (Robert to Carlisle, 129)

Sometimes, you make things to keep yourself company. (132)

"Not everything is a test," she says gently. "Of how much you can stand on your own." (Freya to Carlisle, 135)

"He has a fear, and then this compulsion to make the fear true." (James to Carlisle, 147)

Against all the sorrow in the world, we should behave with love and forgiveness, even if we don't always feel it. (219)

"It's very weird. How you can not want something, and also not let go of it. Like being sad about a dream you no longer have." (Carlisle to James, 261) ( )

A phone call that her father is dying brings Carlisle back to the last time she spoke to him — almost 20 years ago. Now a choreographer, Carlisle relives her childhood with her ex-ballet dancer mother and her yearly visits to New York to stay with her father and his long-time boyfriend who are also both ex-dancers. In They’re Going to Love You, author Meg Howry masterfully builds up to the events that cause the estrangement with moments of memory mixed with the current time. This is a beautiful book about ballet, family, love, and finding peace with ourselves. ( )