Anyone who grew up with magazines and newspapers is familiar with the advice column. Maybe it’s the voyeuristic glimpse into people’s lives pre-social media, maybe it’s the advice that you can take and apply to your own life. They are always popular and (perhaps fortunately) still so in the digital era with advice from Slate’s Dear Prudence through to various Reddit forums and social media. Daniel M. Lavery’s collection of Dear Prudence columns goes deeper than all that, reflecting on the answers he gave and what he would change. Plus, the problems explored aren’t small and solved easily. The book involves some majorly complex problems that simply can’t be solved but need to be managed in a variety of ways.

The book opens with Lavery’s reflection on his time as Prudence and how he reflected on his own coping and solving methods before being divided up into chapters based on the problem types, from family and workmates to pandemics and transitioning. For the latter, Lavery reflects on his own transition and gives carefully thought-out answers, noting that his experience may vary from others and sharing that. Many of the letters are introduced with a short explanation by Lavery, sometimes reflecting on how he would answer differently or just letting the reading know that the following letter is a doozy. (There are definitely several that made me pause and blink several times!)

I think what sets apart both Lavery’s responses and the Dear Prudence column is that the issues are treated with respect and seriousness, even if the letter writer is out of line. Lavery never makes fun of the writer, even when doling out tough love. He also never sugar-coats the answer. Limitations are acknowledged and he often sets out multiple options to the writer with their advantages and disadvantages. Where it’s all too common to take a cheap shot for laughs, Lavery refuses. That’s not to say that you can’t crack a smile when reading the answer. Lavery also has experience with serious family issues, as detailed in the book, so the writer knows that he understands the problem. He is never rash with his advice, even though revenge and retaliating in the heat of the moment can be tempting…

The selection of questions/letters presented in Dear Prudence is just right – from the relatable to whoa-what?! The advice is great and its readable enough to turn ‘just one more letter’ into ‘just one more chapter’.

Thank you to Scribe for the copy of this book. My review and opinions are honest.

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