Excerpt from Rob Wagner's California Almanack There are two great geographic divisions on the earth's surface - California and Elsewhere; and as the Almanacks of Elsewhere, with their absurd seasons, weather predictions, and hints on the care of the body, are utterly useless in this Terrestrial Paradise, I feel it my duty to publish a California Almanack, both in the interest of science the Wagner family. It will be noted I have abandoned the old signs of the Zodiac with the nude man in the centre surrounded by Scorpions, Rams, Gemini and fishes. The picture of the man, with his abdomen agape, exposing a full set of open-plumbing, I consider indelicate, and why designate the months of the year by goats and other unpleasant aromas when the California Almanack should be symboled by a perpetual procession of Flowers? However, for those who still cherish a belief in Astrology, I shall drop in occasional hints regarding one's Erotic conduct during certain planetary influences, and if I find the pleasant days too numerous, I may include a few gentle rains. Finally I shall include recipes for making griddle cakes and glue, suitable epitaphs, hints on health, happiness and vacuum cleaners, the best times for marriage and divorce, snappy stories from Hollywood, the use of divining rods in oil speculation, how to get into the Movies, and other useful information. P. S. has always been quite immaterial to me whether Pocahontas kissed Smith on the 4th or 5th of July - the kiss alone is important. And so (having no head for figures - numerals I have not tried for complete chronological accuracy in certain events. Nor do I believe the average almanack reader gives a tinkers darn about astronomical information, and so 1 have scattered the moons about where they will best decorate the pages. I have not permitted local truths to clutter up the telling of the Greater Truth - The Truth about California and - Cal-Orine. About the Publisher Forgotten Books publishes hundreds of thousands of rare and classic books. Find more at www.forgottenbooks.com This book is a reproduction of an important historical work. Forgotten Books uses state-of-the-art technology to digitally reconstruct the work, preserving the original format whilst repairing imperfections present in the aged copy. In rare cases, an imperfection in the original, such as a blemish or missing page, may be replicated in our edition. We do, however, repair the vast majority of imperfections successfully; any imperfections that remain are intentionally left to preserve the state of such historical works.