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Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your…
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Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child (Original 1990; 1992. Auflage)

von John Bradshaw (Autor)

MitgliederRezensionenBeliebtheitDurchschnittliche BewertungDiskussionen
667627,139 (3.72)2
Are you outwardly successful but inwardly do you feel like a big kid? Do you aspire to be a loving parent but all too often "lose it" in hurtful ways? Do you crave intimacy but sometimes wonder if it's worth the struggle? Or are you plagued by constant vague feelings of anxiety or depression? If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the hidden but damaging effects of a painful childhood--carrying within you a "wounded inner child" that is crying out for attention and healing. In this powerful book, John Bradshaw shows how we can learn to nurture that inner child, in essence offering ourselves the good parenting we needed and longed for. Through a step-by-step process of exploring the unfinished business of each developmental stage, we can break away from destructive family rules and roles and free ourselves to live responsibly in the present. Then, says Bradshaw, the healed inner child becomes a source of vitality, enabling us to find new joy and energy in living. Homecoming includes a wealth of unique case histories and interactive techniques, including questionnaires, letter-writing to the inner child, guided meditations, and affirmations. Pioneering when introduced, these classic therapies are now being validated by new discoveries in attachment research and neuroscience. No one has ever brought them to a popular audience more effectively and inspiringly than John Bradshaw.… (mehr)
Mitglied:PhysisScotland
Titel:Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child
Autoren:John Bradshaw (Autor)
Info:Bantam (1992), Edition: Illustrated, 304 pages
Sammlungen:Deine Bibliothek
Bewertung:
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Das Kind in uns : wie finde ich zu mir selbst von John Bradshaw (1990)

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    What You Can Change and What You Can't: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement von Martin E. Seligman (PlaidStallion)
    PlaidStallion: From Seligman's book:

    John Bradshaw, in his best-seller Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, details several of his imaginative techniques: asking forgiveness of your inner child, divorcing your parent and finding a new one, like Jesus, stroking your inner child, writing your childhood history. These techniques go by the name catharsis, that is, emotional engagement in past trauma-laden events. Catharsis is magnificent to experience and impressive to behold. Weeping, raging at parents long dead, hugging the wounded little boy who was once you, are all stirring. You have to be made of stone not to be moved to tears. For hours afterward, you may feel cleansed and at peace—perhaps for the first time in years. Awakening, beginning again, and new departures all beckon.

    Catharsis, as a therapeutic technique, has been around for more than a hundred years. It used to be a mainstay of psychoanalytic treatment, but no longer. Its main appeal is its afterglow. Its main drawback is that there is no evidence that it works. When you measure how much people like doing it, you hear high praise. When you measure whether anything changes, catharsis fares badly. Done well, it brings about short-term relief—like the afterglow of vigorous exercise. But once the glow dissipates, as it does in a few days, the real problems are still there: an alcoholic spouse, a hateful job, early-morning blues, panic attacks, a cocaine habit. There is no documentation that the catharsis techniques of the recovery movement help in any lasting way with chronic emotional problems. There is no evidence that they alter adult personality. And, strangely, catharsis about fictitious memories does about as well as catharsis about real memories. The inner-child advocates, having treated tens of thousands of suffering adults for years, have not seen fit to do any follow-ups. Because catharsis techniques are so superficially appealing, because they are so dependent on the charisma of the therapist, and because they have no known lasting value, my advice is “Let the buyer beware”.
    … (mehr)
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A narcissistic, alcoholic, and abusive mother who was there to raise the kids from multiple fathers. A mostly absent, drug addicted, abusive father who wanted nothing to do with his first two children (my brother and I). A child that wanted to do everything in their power to do right by the both of them, despite having to destroy their own personhood and self esteem along the way.
I feel like this book was made for me, and I'm more than glad I happened to come across it on accident while doing freelance work. It has helped me work through a lot of my memories and feelings. I have come across memories that didn't seem too bad until I brought them up with other people and they were disgusted and shocked by what I was saying. Yet I have also come across memories that I'm not sure actually happened to begin with.
This book is doing wonders for my wounded inner child. I've seen several therapists, been on different medications, and had finally given up on trying to move forward with my life. I had decided to stuff it all down further and further until I almost couldn't reach it besides the random painfully intrusive thought here and there. After having my first baby, I knew I needed to do something, I just didn't know what would work. Oddly enough, this book is working better than anything else has thus far. My only qualm is the occasional vague religious undertones that leads me to feel like perhaps I can't fully recover and move forward without some sort of diety/higher power(s). I do like, however, that it is accepting of all theistic/spiritual leanings.
I do recommend this book, and have personally recommended it to two different people in my life. It's likely not for everyone, but it doesn't hurt to give it a try! ( )
  JulienSaige | Sep 28, 2021 |
12.5
  collectionmcc | Mar 6, 2018 |
Using a wealth of practical techniques, informative case histories and unique questionnaires, John Bradshaw demonstrates how your wounded inner child may be causing you pain. You'll learn to gradually, safely, go back to reclaim and nurture that inner child - and literally help yourself grow up again. Homecoming shows you how to:

Validate your inner child through meditations and affirmations
Give your child permission to break destructive family roles and rules
Adopt new rules allowing pleasure and honest self-expression
Deal with anger and difficult relationships
Pay attention to your innermost purpose and desires...and find new joy and energy in living. ( )
Diese Rezension ist durch mehrere Mitglieder als Verstoß gegen die AGB (terms of service) gemeldet worden, und wird nicht mehr angezeigt.
  cdiemert | Jul 30, 2017 |
I bought this book at the suggestion of a therapist I have been seeing. I did my best to work through the activities and ignore his constant attacks on my Catholic faith and religion in general.

What eventually led me to put down this book was Chapter 7: Reclaiming Your School Age Self. In this chapter, he shames the whole system and gripes about how schools are set up to harm children. He compares them to prisons and calls the grading system "very shaming and distressing" which "creates toxic shame." "In our schools," he says, "if you did not learn geometry as fast as other kids your age, you failed geometry." Essentially, this is a child's voice couched in pseudo-academic language. It sounds as if, years later, he hasn't gotten over the fact that math wasn't his strongest subject. I disagree with him on what he says here (and in many other places), and while reading it I feel he is trying to shame me with the "toxic shame" he so often decries simply because I disagree with him.

Throughout what I read, Bradshaw complains about how the world is out to hurt everyone. You'll begin to wonder how anyone makes it through life at all. His tone is whiny, self-righteous and sanctimonious. His book advocates embracing victim-hood instead of becoming a warrior who has overcome your problems.

If you want to remain a child with even greater problems, buy this book and start sucking your thumb. Otherwise, keep looking, and keep living. ( )
  neverstopreading | Oct 10, 2012 |
Rediscover your inner child; resolve conflicts; unleash your creativity.
  Emporia | Jun 22, 2010 |
I have a cartoon I sometimes show in my workshops. It shows a huge auditorium with a banner hanging on the wall that says “Annual Convention of Adult Children of Normal Parents.” In this huge auditorium are scattered only a half-dozen attendees.

I have a client I’ll call John who has a brother one year older than he. John is a very responsible man by nature. He works hard, takes his commitments seriously, and generally does exactly what he says he is going to do. John's brother is still trying to “find himself.” John describes his relationship with his parents as “nothing great—just comfortable as long as I did what I was supposed to, which I always did.” John does not feel his parents were openly affectionate or demonstrative of loving or tender feelings for him. He accepts that about them, though he occasionally wishes they were otherwise. He has never doubted their love for him, though, or their earnest desire to see both of their sons become happy and successful. When John and his brother talk about their parents, John is shocked to hear him portray them as “cold, heartless people who can't give love.” His brother considers their childhood “abusive” and he blames them for his lack of success in establishing either a career or a relationship. John wonders if they had the same parents! When John says, “Aw, they weren't so bad. They gave us everything—even our college educations,” his brother looks at him angrily and says, “You’re so wrapped up in denial, I can’t believe it. Well, if you have the need to remember them as anything but abusive, I wish you luck in eventually coming to terms with the harsh reality of your childhood.” John actually starts to wonder whether he is repressing some terrible memories of his parents! But when the brothers compare memories, John sees that while he consistently finds in them evidence of his parents’ will for them to achieve success without sacrificing humility, his brother remembers the exact same experiences as evidence of emotional neglect and abuse.

Again we see how the “inkblots” of our lives can give rise to multiple interpretations, each of them plausible. But notice how John’s interpretations enhance his life, while those of his brother limit him. Both views “make sense,” but they clearly do not generate the same quality of consequence.

John offered a perspective about his brother's views that I found to be not only interesting but quite possibly true. John believes his brother feels better about himself by putting down his parents and thinking of his childhood as one involving emotional abuse. He makes comments about having “overcome adversity” and wanting John to see how far he's come since he left “that miserable family.”
 

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Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems. For example, everyone in an alcoholic family becomes co-dependent on the alcoholic’s drinking. Because the drinking is so life-threatening to each family member, they adapt by becoming chronically alert (hypervigilant). Adaptation to stress was intended by nature to be a temporary state. It was never intended to be chronic. Over time, a person living with the chronic distress of alcoholic behavior loses touch with his own internal cues—his own feelings, needs, and desires.

Children need security and healthy modeling of emotions in order to understand their own inner signals. They also need help in separating their thoughts from their feelings. When the family environment is filled with violence (chemical, emotional, physical, or sexual), the child must focus solely on the outside. Over time he loses the ability to generate self-esteem from within. Without a healthy inner life, one is exiled to trying to find fulfillment on the outside. This is codependence, and it is a symptom of a wounded inner child. Codependent behavior indicates that the person's childhood needs were unmet, and therefore he cannot know who he is.
DEPENDENCE

Children are dependent and needy by nature, not by choice. Unlike an adult, a child cannot meet his needs through his own resources, so he must depend on others to fill these needs. Unfortunately, this dependence on others is the child’s greatest vulnerability. The child doesn’t even know what he needs or what he feels. For better or for worse, his life is shaped from the beginning by the ability of his primary caretakers to know and to meet his needs at each stage of development.

If our caretakers have a wounded inner child, their neediness will prevent them from meeting their own children’s needs. Instead, they will either be angry at their child’s neediness or will try to get their own needs met by making their child an extension of themselves.

The wonder child is dependent because he is in a process of maturing, or “ripening.” Each stage of development is a step toward the full ripening of adulthood. If the child’s needs are not met at the proper time and in the proper sequence, he moves on without the resources necessary to meet the tasks of the next stage. A small mistake in the beginning has far-reaching consequences later on.

Healthy human life is characterized by continual growth. The very characteristics of childhood I am describing—wonder, dependency, curiosity, optimism—are crucial to the growth and flowering of human life.

In one sense, we remain dependent all our lives. We always are in need of love and interaction. No one is so self-sufficient that he does not need anyone else. Our wonder child's dependency allows us to form attachments and to make commitments. As we grow older, we need to be needed. At some point in healthy growth we become generative and care for life itself. This is our evolutionary vocation, if you will. It’s really a matter of balance between dependency and undependency. When the inner child has been wounded through neglect of his developmental dependency needs, he either isolates and withdraws or clings and becomes enmeshed.
Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse also inflicts the spiritual wound. Screaming and yelling at children violates their sense of value. Parents who call their children “stupid,” “silly,” “crazy,” “asshole,” and so on wound them with every word. Emotional abuse also comes in the form of rigidity, perfectionism, and control. Perfectionism produces a deep sense of toxic shame. No matter what you do, you never measure up. All shame-based families use perfectionism, control, and blame as manipulating rules. Nothing you say, do, feel, or think is okay. You shouldn’t feel what you feel, your ideas are crazy, your desires are stupid. You are continuously found to be flawed and defective.
One final note. One way adult children avoid their legitimate suffering is by staying in their heads. This involves obsessing about things, analyzing, discussing, reading, and spending lots of energy in trying to figure things out. There is a story about a room with two doors. Each door has a sign on it. One says HEAVEN; the other says LECTURE ON HEAVEN. All the co-dependent adult children are lined up in front of the door that says LECTURE ON HEAVEN!

Adult children have a great need to figure things out because their parents were unpredictable adult children themselves. Sometimes they parented you as adults; sometimes they parented you as wounded and selfish children. Sometimes they were in their addictions, sometimes not. What resulted was confusion and unpredictability. Someone once said that growing up in a dysfunctional family is like “getting to a movie in the middle and never understanding the plot.” Someone else described it as “growing up in a concentration camp.” This unpredictability caused your continual need to figure things out.

And until you heal the past, you will continue to try to figure it out. Staying in one’s head is also an ego defense. By obsessing on things, one does not have to feel. To feel anything is to tap in to the immense reservoir of frozen feelings that are bound by your wounded child’s toxic shame.
Numbing our pain is achieved through various ego defenses we use when reality becomes intolerable. Some of the most common defenses are: denial (“it’s not really happening”); repression (“it never happened”); dissociation (“I don’t remember what happened”); projection (“it’s happening to you, not to me”); conversion (“I eat or have sex when I feel it happening”); and minimizing (“it happened, but it’s no big deal”).

Basically, our ego defenses are ways to distract us from the pain we are feeling.
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Are you outwardly successful but inwardly do you feel like a big kid? Do you aspire to be a loving parent but all too often "lose it" in hurtful ways? Do you crave intimacy but sometimes wonder if it's worth the struggle? Or are you plagued by constant vague feelings of anxiety or depression? If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the hidden but damaging effects of a painful childhood--carrying within you a "wounded inner child" that is crying out for attention and healing. In this powerful book, John Bradshaw shows how we can learn to nurture that inner child, in essence offering ourselves the good parenting we needed and longed for. Through a step-by-step process of exploring the unfinished business of each developmental stage, we can break away from destructive family rules and roles and free ourselves to live responsibly in the present. Then, says Bradshaw, the healed inner child becomes a source of vitality, enabling us to find new joy and energy in living. Homecoming includes a wealth of unique case histories and interactive techniques, including questionnaires, letter-writing to the inner child, guided meditations, and affirmations. Pioneering when introduced, these classic therapies are now being validated by new discoveries in attachment research and neuroscience. No one has ever brought them to a popular audience more effectively and inspiringly than John Bradshaw.

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