Nice! It's not quite the voice I expect from Ursula (except in a few spots), but it's a really good adventure, with some fascinating worldbuilding. I don't know how much she rewrote it, but it doesn't read like something a teenager wrote. And the break is in a logical spot - they're out of one danger and about to get into another. The "the dog is..." bits are weird - and why was he wandering the forest like that in the first place? - but at least they more or less make sense. Next, please! ( )