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The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?

von Leslie Bennetts

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Women are often told that it's too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, journalist Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. Combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it's eminently doable. Earning money and being successful make women feel great, and when women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. But women who stop working sacrifice far more than financial security--Bennetts' research documents the steep toll when women forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency.--From publisher description.… (mehr)
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I highly recommend this book to women in general, but especially to mothers and prospective mothers. Bennetts presents a well-researched/documented argument persuading women to nurture their careers along with their children once they become mothers. In exploring the recent trend of impressively educated, highly accomplished young women sacrificing their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, she ponders the question: Why, when the future is unpredictable and women can so easily lose their husbands' income to divorce, disability, and death, are so many young women choosing to cheerfully hope for the best and voluntarily become dependent on their husbands?

She examines some social and historical reasons, including how the conservative media portray working moms as selfish and clamor for a return to more traditional gender roles. She argues that female dependency has very strong roots in western culture and there is a lot of pressure on women to stay at home.

Bennetts cautions about the various risks to women. At the same time, she details the many advantages to maintaining a career, discussing the financial freedom and the security that come from employment but also the less tangible rewards, such as intellectual stimulation, continuing to face challenges as you move further ahead in your career, earning respect and accolades from colleagues and bosses, the pleasure of lifelong learning, and acting as a role model for your children, among other things.

Overall it is a fascinating read and very important contribution. ( )
  julierh | Apr 7, 2013 |
Really recommend this to all women - SAHM or Working Moms, it doesn't matter. ( )
  DiamondDog | Mar 29, 2013 |
Shoudl be required reading for every high school girl...and her family. All too many articles are published lauding the "opt out" revolution, without looking at the flip side. This book looks at that flip side. It would be nearly ideal, except for the fact that almost everything the author discusses is in relationship to highly educated, professional women who work in high-powered legal or professional fields. It would have been a better book if she would have given a bit more attention to the women that make up the vast majority of working women in this country: those who are struggling in a low paying job, or are doing pink collar work, or even middle level professionals like school teachers. Still, it's a nice start. ( )
  Devil_llama | May 10, 2011 |
I was raised by a single mother. I married young and had two children. My husband and I struggled a lot financially, mostly because we were still in school when our son was born. He worked hard for about three years while I finished my degree in nursing. It was the smartest thing I ever did, finishing school and working while my children were small. My husband died at age 34 of cancer and I found myself alone with two young children. I loved this book because everything Leslie Bennetts says in it is true. I think being raised by a single mother taught me early that nothing is forever. I have a great career as a registered nurse, I've been working for 21 years and I have raised my kids. They are now adults and while I know I've made a lot of mistakes I am proud of them and proud of myself. I bless my late husband for the sacrifices he made to put me through school. If he hadn't I don't know what I would have done, he was insured but it wouldn't have lasted long enough to finish raising my children. This is a fantastic book a compassionate and thoughtful look at what happens to women who choose to be financially dependant on their husbands or partners. ( )
  laughingwoman6 | Jan 3, 2011 |
I picked up this book based on an interview with the author on Think (one of my fav radio/tv programs). I found the book somewhat uncomfortable, but in that good way. It definitely had a clear agenda and I do not think it weighed all options fairly, but I walked away with a few really good messages -- understand the consequences of leaving the work force and don't let yourself stagnate; parenthood is not the end-all of life -- it is unrealistic to think you will plan your life around kids forever; don't hide in stay-at-home parenting just because you have not found a career you love. I would be very interested to reread this book and see what I think when my children are 10 and later when they leave to college. If you can think through the one-sided agenda (which is not a fault of the book -- it does not claim to have any other agenda), I think you can walk away with some excellent lessons. ( )
  lieslmayerson | Jan 31, 2010 |
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Women are often told that it's too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, journalist Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. Combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it's eminently doable. Earning money and being successful make women feel great, and when women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. But women who stop working sacrifice far more than financial security--Bennetts' research documents the steep toll when women forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency.--From publisher description.

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