Juleah Del RosarioRezensionen

3.5 Stars

CW: alcoholism, parent abandons child, racism, offensive comments made to girl about her promiscuity after she drunkenly cheated on her boyfriend.

CW: Loss of mother, miscarriage.

This story moved quite slowly and considering that it's a verse novel, that's really saying something. That being said I enjoyed the heartfelt tone and the portrayal of two sisters managing their grief in the aftermath of two painful losses. I understand the stresses of being the eldest sibling and the how the mantle of responsibility can weigh quite heavily during family emergencies. The ending felt believable and satisfying.

This one hit hard and close to home. Story of two sisters, each dealing with grief in their own way. The question that flows throughout the story is “how do you move on after losing someone so important in your life?” Is it possible to move on? Yes. Does it take time? Yes. Does one tend to push others away as they move through their grief? Yes.

Narrated by Annie Q. Drawn from book description: "High school senior Nic Chen attempts to salvage her reputation among her Ivy League-obsessed classmates by writing their college admissions essays and in the process learns big truths about herself." I did not realize in the audio format that this was written in verse which likely explains what I felt were choppy shifts in the story.½

Grief following the death of a loved one is perhaps the most unpredictable emotion we experience. No two deaths affect us the same way and no one death affects two people equally. That's what this story is about, the way sisters deal with the death of their mother six years before. Rowena has dealt with it by putting all her effort into becoming the best soccer player possible. Her older sister, Ariana has checked out of life for the most part, paralyzed by overwhelming sadness. This story, in verse form, is mostly a look at two days in their life when Rowena fears that her sister has chosen to vanish. That's not true, but what unfolds, with flashbacks for both sisters, fills in the full story, reveals an added loss that also affects them in different ways, but leaves the reader feeling more hopeful for a better future for each of them.

Picked this up browsing at the Fox Branch Library and was drawn in quickly, as often happens with novels in verse. This one is told in the voice of Nic Chen, who has become somewhat of a pariah in her high school after cheating on her boyfriend Ben with his best friend Jordan. (Jordan and Ben remain friends, and Jordan doesn't suffer the judgment of his peers the way Nic does; this double standard does not go unnoticed by Nic.) The story is divided into two parts, Rejection and Acceptance.

It's senior year, and everyone at Meydenbauer is obsessed with GPAs and writing the perfect essay to get into the perfect (preferably Ivy-league) school. Nic begins writing others' essays for them; it's easier to imagine the lives of people she doesn't know well than it is to truly examine her own. These essays are included throughout the book, although not everyone uses the essays Nic writes for them. A tragedy brings Nic's mom back to town, and she begins charting a course for her life that might not be what she had planned.

Through Nic's eyes, the reader sees into the mostly privileged high school world, where the whole focus is on college, and what to do to get there; nearly every student seems driven by their parents or other external influences, rather than learning for any innate desire to learn (or play music, or act, or play sports, etc.). A few secondary characters (Kitty, Ashok) seem more well-balanced, but the overall picture is one of driven but damaged teens who don't know who they are.

Quotes

There were signs
of family,
but no one
was home
(257-258)

Loneliness is living
in your own skin
with a person
you don't even know.
Loneliness is
the void of self,
the absence of knowing
who you are.
(298)

Guilt is an internal state
We make mistakes
that sleepwalk
with us,
and guilt is a kind of sadness
that can sleep
for months,
until we awake
and roll over in bed
with guilt
there
to change us.
(306)

See also: We Regret to Inform You by Ariel Kaplan (for the subject of competitive college admissions, not for the tone)

Rosario's 500 Words or Less is a poignant, raw look into the heart of one young woman's senior high school year. Told entirely through free verse poetry, Nic Chen's story is one of unbearable loneliness and devastating loss. Two years ago, Nic and her best friend Ben became more than just friends. In one drunken night, all that changes. In the aftermath, Ben leaves, transferring to a different school. Throughout senior year, Nic remembers the past, consumed with what might have been. With Ben. With her own broken family. With the friends she lost. In writing college essays for classmates, Nic discovers things about herself, things that let her slowly begin to heal. Come second semester, Nic learns Ben has returned to her school. As she's learning to adjust to these changes, the unthinkable happens, and Nic is never able to find a reconciliation with Ben.

This is such a sad story! It really captures the feel of crushing loneliness that can come from been different, and being shunned. It really made me sit back and recall my own high school/college friends. And how we hurt one another rather badly, in different ways. I thought about what might’ve been, how we could have done things differently. I tend to get stuck in the past, with the might have beens. I don't like change, even though I know it is inevitable. It is the way of all things. Everyone has to grow up, has to change, to evolve.

And quite often, that change around, and to, us is immutable, irreversible. We can go with it, or be crushed by it. The choice is ours. Reading this prompted me to reconnect with someone who was once my best friend, someone who betrayed me badly, yet who I forgave. Someone I hurt badly because I was not mature enough to process my deepest inculcated behaviours, to act from a place of calm, instead of react in the moment. When a simple, yet deep, story can affect the reader so, well you know it must be a good one! Highly recommended!!

***Many thanks to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster/ Simon Pulse for providing an egalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.