Daemon Fairless

This book didn't turn out to be what I was expecting, exactly. I think I was expecting a much more seriously textbook style narrative on violent men.

Instead, I got a thoughtful, insightful look into the various worlds of violence, and also a partial memoir on the author looking deeply at his own—and his family's—violent tendencies.

I come from a violent family. I've been witness to my father pushing my mother down a hill and breaking her leg. I've come home to my stepfather eating a dinner he cooked over my mother's prone body, still unconscious on the kitchen floor. I've had to get my mother out of her own house because her third husband was rigging various parts of the home to kill her. And it's not just the men in my mother's life. My brother is also a violent man, having beaten at least a couple of the women in his life. From a young age, I was told that I had to learn to fight, or I'd never be a man.

I've been in a couple of violent altercations in my life, but I've never started one.

But I'm fascinated, and always looking to understand the violent nature that is presumably ingrained somewhere deep in my genetic makeup.

This book is a terrifying look into that violent nature through several lenses. It's short on answers and long on questions, but still, it's a book that will stay with me—and make me question my own thought processes, as well as those of my family—for a long time to come.

Highly recommended.… (mehr)

*I won a copy of this book via Goodreads Giveaways*

This packs a pretty hefty punch. It's well thought out, and very well researched. It gives multiple perspectives on the reasons for male violence, told through a series of anecdotes, obtained by the author via interviews with a variety of men.

The writing style is one of the things I enjoyed most about reading this. Given the subject matter, there was the expectation that it would be dry, and difficult to get through. I was pleasantly surprised that it was quite the opposite. The tone and style of writing are realistic, which makes it much more digestible. I have an Associate's Degree in Psychology and a Bachelor's in Sociology, so none of the concepts are foreign to me, but I liked the fact that the author didn't try to dumb things down, so to speak. I find that when authors try to make the subject matter more palatable by breaking it down it makes a book difficult to engage with.

Fairless wrote with the assumption that the reader would already be aware of the concepts. And even for people who have no experience with these concepts, it's written in such a way that they can still appreciate the points of view.

I fall into the same camp as the author, being that I believe that neither nature, nor nurture is solely responsible for human behavior, that it falls somewhere in the middle. Human behavior is way too complex to be that black and white. His own upbringing was a juxtaposition of peace and chaos.

It was interesting to read how the author was so unsettled within himself, always looking, always searching for something. I've had that feeling, though not in the same manifestation. And certainly not with the degree of bloodlust (mine is zero) that the author has. I'm actually quite surprised Fairless never got into more trouble with some of the stunts he pulled. It seems he had a bit of a hero complex. I got the feeling that he softened up a bit after the birth of his daughter, but even then there were a few questionable scenarios.

The variety of backgrounds of the different men he interviewed covered a wide range of behaviors, and tendencies.

As much research, and studying as I've done, some of these scenarios that these men talked about were just too much at times, and I did have to put the book down now and again.

There is violence everywhere in our culture. Some people experience it firsthand, with abuse. Others learn certain aspects of it via social conditioning. "Be a man, toughen up, etc." Girls are taught that teasing, and hitting are signs that a boy likes them. Sexual violence, and volatile behaviors are normalized in mainstream media.

But, just because these things are prevalent in our culture doesn't mean that all men are violent. For some men, violent tendencies are hardwired. And I would imagine that some aspects of their upbringing probably contribute to their behaviors as adults. But, just because someone grows up in an abusive home doesn't mean that they will become abusive. Just because they watch violence in movies or on tv doesn't mean that they will be violent. And besides, some people with seemingly normal, sweet demeanors can be capable of behavior we wouldn't even begin to fathom they'd be capable of.

So, it's all a mixture. A blend of environment and biology. I learned some interesting facts that humans are not the only species who rape, though motivation for forced sex within the animal kingdom is slightly different in some ways. Rape in human culture is usually about power and dominance. And this is the same in the animal kingdom, but for many animals it's about the further propogation of the species as well.

Another interesting exploration was the outlets for male violence. The author used physical training, weights, martial arts, running. He even considered becoming a police officer at one point. (which for me furthered the idea of the hero complex.)

Some of the men he interviewed were UFC fighters. Others had been violent in the past, and were now trying to redeem themselves by helping kids in the neighborhoods they came from. He discussed the research on violence after sporting events, and the mob mentality those events can bring about. As well as the demographic aspects of war, and how particularly violent periods in certain countries history may be a result of the natural control of the youth bulge.

I could continue on, but I won't. I will say that this book would make excellent reading for a college course on men, masculinity and society, or the sociology of gender.

… (mehr)

An insightful look into the potential for violence that lurks behind the face of every man. What is it about men that makes them genetically programmed for mayhem yet in the majority of men is controlled, kept in check, subdued, and ignored but in a growing number of men is set loose upon the field? Author Daemon Fairless’ book is compelling reading for the wives, mothers, daughters, cousins, and teachers of these thuggish men, yet the author presents another side of the male penchant for violence which is channelled into sports like martial arts, or dangerous careers like professional boxing, the Armed Forces, law enforcement, firefighting, or even into altruistic behaviours in rescue attempts which put their lives in danger. Is it nature, or nurture? There but for the nurturing of parents, relatives, spouses, and significant others in their community would be the path of destruction for too many young men. It should be noted that the author felt it would be fruitless, and perhaps dangerous if he was to try interviewing groups of gun owners about their psychological states.… (mehr)