Matt Fargo

Double malt and prolonged use of Valium has taught me :-

1)- Never pay money for anything in a seriously inebriated state.
2)- Japanese sex is kinky and not their urban thesaurus.
3)- Phrases to memorize along with the courteous konichiwa, if I visit the Harajuku station or roam Dōtonbori avenue or picnic under a fully blossomed sakura tree:-

I’m new to Japan
(watashu was nihon ni kita bakkari nandesu)

I only have three months to live.
(inochi wa ato sankagetsu shika nainda)

I’m still a virgin
(mada cheri dashu)

I never really understood the appeal of Japanese men until I saw you.
(nihon no otoko no hito no miyoku ga wakaranakatta, anata ni au made wa)

C’mon lets smoke some weed and shit.
(shiyouze happu suttari)


And, finally to give the “chillax” vibes after hours of guzzling ‘sake’ sing the drinking song- 'Papa Raccoon'

Ra-Ra raccoon ball, see them sway
Even on a mindless day,
And when Papa raccoon spied
These balls he laughed till he cried
And his own ball swung side to side.

For now, fuck(kuso!) the rendition in Japanese. I have overdosed on the bloody old Johnnie Walker yet again.

‘Scuse my shitty Japanese…..this book is a tough motherfucker!!
(nihengo ga hetakuso de suman…..kenka joto!!)

The Real Dirty Japanese Slang -"Kinbaku Ecchi" works all the time.


… (mehr)

This is one Japanese phrase book no Japanese would recommend. It contains all the deadly words to turn a Japanese's hair white as he runs away screaming. But gives you the fun and laughter as you try to learn this difficult language. Teaches what Japanese say to each other when they're not being polite. Yeah, they can be rude too. It's quite practical as well. Contains all a foreigner needs to know in terms of entertainment, dining, and getting a date.
WARNING: Only to be tried on with really, really close Japanese friends.… (mehr)