Tony Wolf (3)

The main idea in this book is that adolescents are in a constant, dramatic struggle between their "baby self" that wants to snuggle and play games at home, and their "independent self" that wants to be far away from home on their own. The result is regular conflict so that engagement with parents comes in the emotionally safer form of conflict and arguing. Parents need to just stick to their clearly laid out rules, understand that they won't be adhered to 100%, and that they can't be enforced, just reinforced. This, Wolf argues, is what adolescents are looking for, the constant reminders of boundaries and rules, which they are taking in and using, in a flexible kind of way. The big take-away is that you can't engage. State the rule, hear them out, change your mind if they convince you based on the content of their argument, but otherwise, just walk away, literally, to avoid the endless battle. After a few years (!!!!!!), it will end.

This is exactly what my partner has been telling me for years (especially the part about not engaging in debate), so I guess that means I should just listen to everything he says, at least about our kids...… (mehr)

This book just misses being a five star one, but it is definitely a well above average parenting guide. It's no secret that I have two teenage boys, and with one in total "parent separation" mode and the youngest with his first girlfriend (which is actually THE first girlfriend for me to deal with) - - well, I was feeling a tad out of control this week.

This book sounded like it might make me feel less alone. And not only did it do that, but it actually made me feel like I wasn't actually the world's worst and most confused parent.

Wolf is funny and reassuring. He gives good guidance and makes you realize that you won't have absolute control over your teenagers and THAT's NORMAL AND GOOD.

I actually tend toward a more lenient, relaxed parenting style, and this book does support that - - so it might not be for everyone. But for me, it was just what I needed when I needed it. It's also a quick, easy, fun read.

My only quibble - - and the reason for one less star - - is I would have liked a few more real world case studies. There are lots of examples of things kids do and how parents react, but they are composites - - I think a few real world situations and how those ended up would have just made the book that much better.… (mehr)