I should be sleeping so I'll come back and write a longer review later, maybe. I enjoyed it, but maybe that's because I like analyzing things to death to figure out how and why they work (something that I'm almost definitely sure killed one friendship). ( )

Cute, quick read about one girl's search for a husband.

Non-fiction but parts of it read more like fiction. ( )

I heard about this book on NPR, and as a twenty-something single woman who has witnessed many numerous online dating adventures (success and unsuccessful) in my friend circle, I was really interested in this story. And as an overthinking, introverted single girl who hasn't really dabbled much in online dating, I was hoping for some advice, and maybe some funny stories. There is plenty of both in this book!

In the appendix, Webb wraps up by giving some practice application for others wanting to capitalize on her extended research -- tips and tricks that make a lot of sense when you think about it. I'm not sure if I'm ready to start applying them myself, but I'd be interested in following up to see how others do. Webb's story has a happy ending, though I wonder if the book would have been written if the end goal ended up being more elusive. ( )

I honestly don't know what to think about Data, A Love Story by Amy Webb. I'm a geek—I love math and data and statistics. The idea of tackling online dating using statistical analysis and profile optimization is intriguing.

I saw Ms. Webb's TED talk on this subject before I read her book. Her presentation is all about the numbers, the data crunching, and what she learned about how to game online dating systems. In her talk, she comes across as warm, funny, and approachable.

The book is less about data and math, and more a memoir of her romantic life. She also doesn't come across as quite so likeable in her book and that occasionally put me off. She seems, by turns, neurotic, judgmental, and distant. Some of her dating horror stories are quite amusing but I must confess:

I don't care that much about her love life.

I wish that this book had been more about math and stats, about how she crunched the numbers. I wanted more "data" and less "love story."

I admire Ms. Webb's commitment to finding a solution to her dating woes—her dedication to "out-think the problem." And while she doesn't present as likeable in her book as she does in her TED talk, she's clearly very self-aware and willing to own up to her mistakes and shortcomings. For example, at the beginning of one chapter, she's insultingly judgmental toward other women on JDate, but by the end of it she's perfectly willing to admit that she's being unfair to them. I admire her honest self-criticism.

But I can't bring myself to go all the way on this journey with her. As successful as her endeavor was for her, I'm not sure how well her approach will work for other people.

It makes sense for Ms. Webb to seek solutions to the failures of online dating by using data and math, as online dating sites are data-driven, algorithmically determined services. Workable solutions can only be found in manipulable data.

I can't agree with one of the fundamental premises of her experiment, however. Everything starts with her "Mary Poppins" list—the 72 data points she creates to define her perfect husband. This list is what she uses to establish her methodology. The ultimate success of her experiment depends on the accuracy of that list and the relative values she assigns to each point.

Ms. Webb's fundamental premise is a belief that she can reliably define exactly who her perfect match should be. In the "Appendix" of the book, where she lays out specific guidelines for users of dating sites to follow, she starts by emphasizing the need for each user to define exactly what sort of person they're looking for. This is a necessary first step before anyone can begin to customize their profile appropriately—without a "Mary Poppins" list, her strategy doesn't apply.

Ms. Webb evinces no awareness of the fact that people don't always know what they want. Too often, we convince ourselves that we want things when we really don't.

People frequently don't know what will make them happy. Sometimes, the things we're certain will make us happy end up disappointing. Sometimes, we find happiness in things we never anticipated.

Moreover, what we want in our lives isn't always what we need. If many of us don't always know what we want, we know what we need even less.

Throughout the book, Ms. Webb makes no bones about the fact that she's a very unique woman—she knows that she's not typical. Somehow, though, it never seems to occur to her that her ability to create a "Mary Poppins" list in the first place might be something that other people can't do.

I don't assume that any of us are objective enough to know with absolute certainty who our perfect partner should be before we meet them.

To her credit, this approach worked for her—she's sufficiently self-aware and capable of being brutally honest with herself. She has an ability to be objective about her emotions in a way that many people can't.

I don't believe that her approach to online dating would work for me. I don't know how many people it would work for.

I also take issue with a statement Ms. Webb makes a few times throughout the book:

When discussing the algorithms that online dating sites use to match people, and why so many of those matches are bad, she argues that the algorithms work just fine—it's people who are the problem. We enter bad data when we sign up and create our profiles.

I disagree with this argument. It's innate human nature to present idealized versions of ourselves in social situations. We all do this, and have always done so. The anonymity of online social spaces allows us to idealize ourselves even further.

The algorithms that govern online dating services are intended to deal with people. If they can't handle such a fundamental aspect of human nature—if these algorithms can't cope with the fact that people approach dating aspirationally and not analytically—then no, they don't work.

If they worked as intended, they wouldn't need to be gamed in the first place.

Despite the disagreement I have with her methodology and her faith in the underlying algorithms of online dating, Ms. Webb does come to some reliable conclusions. Knowing how online dating algorithms work allows users to intelligently take advantage of these systems to get the best possible results.

Data, A Love Story offers a few solid general strategies for users of online dating sites to get the most out of their experiences and maximize their chances of success. ( )

Yep. I read it. The whole thing. In a night. Actually, I didn't read quite the whole thing. I skipped the chapter where she describes how she met her husband (but I'll read it this weekend, promise).

I came to this book after a bunch of people forwarded me her TED talk. I guess folks think this is something I should be doing. Online dating, I think, has created this idea that anyone could be unsingle if they wanted to, so if you're single, it's got to be your fault in some way. And yes, I do know that if I hung out on online dating sites a lot I could be unsingle pretty damned quick, but the trick is to be unsingle with someone who's good for you. And that's a lot harder.

The way Webb's mind works is fascinating. She has a deep and holy passion for spreadsheets and charts that far surpasses that of anyone I've ever met in my life. Anal does not quite describe it. You would have to be a numbers geek of the first order to spend a month drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes while reverse-engineering the perfect profile by creating ten Perfect Partner male-profiles and interacting with the women who like them. My good fucking god. Don't get me wrong, unlike some reviewers I found it mostly endearing--she's mastered the knack of the self-deprecating semi-putdown--but am still gobsmacked that anyone put that kind of time and effort into "how to create the perfect three-sentence profile." (Says the woman who spends thirty hours sewing herself a dress.)

She bought office supplies!

I love buying office supplies, it is true, but I have never been tempted to buy colour-coded office supplies for my online dating adventures. It seems I've overlooked a fantastic excuse. Do you suppose I could justify my own fancy-pants colour-coded pens if I wrote up a 72-point list describing the perfect guy?

There were some genuine gems uncovered in her research project that you're not likely to find in the self-help genre, like "use aspirational language" and "refer to yourself as a girl," but given where she started from, I felt like she could have saved herself an awful lot of trouble by spending one of her units (term she uses to refer to 20-minute blocks of productive time) googling "dating profile" before she decided to uplaod her resume and a crappy old photo onto Match and JDate. If this is the "before," then even a minimal investment will create a much better "after" and the month-long research-binge might have been avoidable. Then again, she seems to have really enjoyed it and she got a book deal out of it, so why not?

However, it seems to me that the book differed from the TED talk in some troubling respects. The overall message was identical, but the description of the outcome was--so far as I can remember--not. In the TED talk, if I recall correctly, she talked about getting way more than 14 messages as a result of her revamped profile. Fourteen's not too shabby, but I'm sure I received more than 14 messages in a day when I was a 33-year-old single mom. Maybe JDate doesn't get the same traffic? She talks about how she was stiffed by a date who left her with a dinner bill equivalent to one month's rent, but in the book it was a $160 bill equivalent to 25% of her rent and the guy didn't leave, he just refused to pay (and then got high on a bench outside the restaurant). She said she became the most popular profile on JDate, but--unless my math brain is simply not computing the obvious in the book--how she knows this is beyond me. It's not described.

She certainly increased her own profile's visibility and popularity, which is what she was after, and she Got The Guy, so hurray! But it feels like she oversold her success. And that her success would not have been so impressive had she not started out with bullet points about her job and a bad photograph for her profile. So for those of us starting out with a good photograph and a profile about our hobbies, as the diet industry magazine ads say, Results May Not Be As Advertised.

I did like it. It was madcap and utterly unique and I do like an intelligent, ambitious, successful woman who refuses to settle. I mean, we've got western newspapers peddling editorials about how awful the Chinese government is for pressuring young women to get married by labelling them "leftovers" and telling them that if they're not married by 25 they'll be unwanted and alone their whole life, which seems unlikely given China's gender imbalance. Yet here in good old North America, we've got relationship experts telling young, educated, successful women essentially the same thing, but five years later: Not married by 30? OH MY GOD YOU'RE OVER THE HILL NO ONE WILL EVER WANT YOU YOUR EGGS HAVE SHRIVELLED UP INTO LITTLE EGG-RAISINS AND YOU WILL CRY ALONE OVER YOUR UNBORN GRANDCHILDREN YOU SELFISH STUCK-UP HARRIDAN JUST SETTLE FOR THE FIRST 'NICE' GUY WHO DOESN'T EXPECT YOU TO PUT OUT ON DATE ONE!!!!!!!!!

If you are single and female, you know what I mean.

Plus, she hated eHarmony. Hey, me too!

So it was good, it was fun, I am impressed by her math skills and I like Amy a bunch. However, I am not expecting this to revolutionize my dating life. If it does, I'll change my rating. ( )