I was truly happy for her - for both of them.
I'd never felt so alone.

My review to I Am Not Esther wasn't exactly glowing. Hell, the entire time I read it, I wasn't exactly having the time of my life either - but there was something in it that kept me interested and reading, and to I Am Rebecca's credit, I think it tapped into whatever that was with more strength and more confidence. I enjoyed this one a ton more, although I've got my gripes on some pretty obvious things.

The subtlety of the writing style suited the banality, the routine, the lack of autonomy that Rebecca experiences in her faith, and despite that, I found myself really liking Rebecca. I thoroughly enjoyed following her around on this montage of curious events and quiet take on oddities and the small special things in her life. Things like the patterned petticoats and the worldly market really stuck out as precious, no matter how simple they were, without parading it in the narrative.

And this is gonna be the most obvious thing to say, but in stark contrast to Esther, I just really enjoyed the...events? I don't know? I found it interesting and fast-paced (although the synopsis calling it a thriller is such a ridiculous joke, call it a bloodbath horror why don't you), with a gentle touch of drama and emotion.

But on the flipside, that gentleness, that banality, was also to blame for its biggest failings for me. It felt one-note and emotioness even though it had plenty of tense, frightening moments; it all read the same, and it seemed to greatly struggle at breaking past its surface of tedium to actually get into some real emotions. Don't get me wrong, I cared for Rebecca's fate, and was appropriately scared, disgusted, and angry for her, but it all felt so passive and shallow.

Next up is the religion deal. This book is about religion, but it's not a religious book - and ok, if it decides that it's not its goal to preach to me, then fine. But you can't write a character in a deeply religious community, where religion is all she knows, and be afraid to talk about God. God was ever-present for sure, but in a way where it felt like they were talking about a piece of furniture instead of a being of some sort that mattered SO MUCH to everyone. All thoughts about God were at arm's length, as if Beale was afraid of making her character wonder something about God in case someone would get mad at her (like, I read a lot of 'I prayed to the Lord' but none of 'I hope the Lord listened', 'Why would the Lord speak to Stephen if Stephen is such a major douche', 'what does the Lord think?'). Whether Beale wanted it or not, Rebecca's faith begged for God to be a character, even a distant abstract one. To Esther, God was some weird imaginary thing. To Rebecca, God is a very important person in her life, and I bought absolutely none of it when we couldn't break the surface of her faith into any real feeling or any real connection or perceived connection.

Near the end, it touched briefly on some real solid lines about her doubt ("the Lord got mixed up with Elder Stephen. I didn't have a scrap of belief in Elder Stephen"), and it found the foothold it had been scrambling for the whole rest of the book - but having Rebecca doubt these enormous claims ("or hell in eternity when I died. Unless that wasn't true either") felt flimsy when all I had about her faith before was "well I guess she believes because she lives there." It's just frustrating to have the book try and make me feel and doubt and tip off the edge into a new character arc when there was nothing before it. This is my big hang-up with I Am Not Esther all over again. Ughhhhhh.

Whatever. Despite that, forget about God, forget about religion - forget about all of that and I really liked it. The characters were really lovely, the simple ideas and simple situations were pleasant and their drama & stakes were weighed with a careful hand. I really loved Rebecca herself, and I'm even in a space where I wanted a more conclusive ending not because I'm being a gremlin about the technical aspect, but because I wanted to know she was okay. Just again, it only scratched the surface with its emotion and its themes. ( )

Sequel to 'I Am Not Esther' which was published in 1998. When Rebecca and her twin sister turn 14, they will find out who they are to marry. All the girls in their strict religious sect, The Children of the Faith, must be married just after their 16th birthdays. Whilst the girls are initially happy with the choices made for them, Rebecca's intended is forced out of the sect because of decisions made by the seventy-seven year old leader whose wife has recently died. It is only later that Rebecca finds out why - when the leader chooses her to be his new wife! Rebecca's older brother, sister, and cousin have all previously escaped from the Children of the Faith and as the wedding date draws closer, Rebecca is caught between her family and her future. A fitting sequel to Beale's first book in this series, well written and engaging. ( )

I always enjoy reading Fleur Beale’s works as they are relative to New Zealand. This title was an excellent follow on from I am not Esther as it links Esther’s new life to those of her relatives still living within the commune. Life inside a religious cult becomes too much for 16-year-old Rebecca when she finds out who she is to marry. When she turns 14, Rebecca will find out who she is to marry. All the girls in her strict religious sect must be married just after their 16th birthday. Her twin sister Rachel is delighted when Saul, the boy she loves, asks to marry her. Malachi asks for Rebecca. She believes him to be a good and godly man. But will Rebecca find there is a dark side to the rules which have kept her safe? What does the future hold? Can the way ahead be so simple when the community is driven by secrets and hidden desires? ( )