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The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

von Jessica Lahey

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Family & Relationships. Nonfiction. HTML:

The New York Times bestselling, groundbreaking manifesto on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life's inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children's friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children's well being, they aren't giving them the chance to experience failure??or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.

Overparenting has the potential to ruin a child's confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don't just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight??important life skills children carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children's failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed… (mehr)

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Worth looking at regularly.
  mslibrarynerd | Jan 13, 2024 |
Good advice here on letting go. Of course, I've never been accused of being a Tiger Mom. I'm not even a Soccer Mom. I'm more of a--let-me-surround-you-with-books-and-you-figure-it-out mom. But there were some good common sense tips herein. ( )
  auldhouse | Sep 30, 2021 |
Quite useful for both parents and teachers whose students have parents. ( )
  msmilton | Jul 18, 2018 |
Quite useful for both parents and teachers whose students have parents. ( )
  msmilton | Jul 18, 2018 |
“Children whose parents don’t allow them to fail are less engaged, less enthusiastic about their education, less motivated and ultimately less successful than children whose parents support their autonomy.”

The bottom line of this book written by parent and educator, Jessica Lahey, is don’t bail your children out. They need to learn from their mistakes. They need to learn how to organize themselves, regulate themselves and deal with mishaps in the world they live in now so that they can become high functioning adults. Jessica Lahey, being an educator talks at length about maintaining good relationships with teachers. She incorporates much history of parenting and various theories and research from many other sources. Anyone reading this will come come away with their own take-away points depending on their children’s ages, family dynamics and unique family stressors. Below I am outlining ten take-away points that I felt were important as regards my own family and parenting philosophy.

Grit = ability to attend to a task and stick to long-term goals –> greatest predicted of success
If parents back of pressure and anxiety over grades and achievement & focus on the bigger picture, grades will improve and test scores will go up
Intrinsic motivation happens when kids feel autonomous, competent, and connected to the people and world around them
People can be divided into 2 mindsets: fixed & growth. A fixed mindset believes that intelligence, talent and ability are innate and remain the same through life, no matter what one does. A person with a growth mindset believes that these qualities are simply a starting point, and that more is always possible through effort and personal development. These people thrive on challenge and understand that failure and trying again is part of becoming smarter, better or faster.
Praise for effort, not inherent qualities to foster the growth mindset.
The more independent you allow your children to be the more independent they will become. However, children also need rules, behavioral guidelines and structure. Limits make kids feel safe and cared for.
Communicate family participation (rather than chores) and avoid nagging or pestering.
Free play is undervalued in our children’s social and emotional growth. Peer play is significantly more predictive of academic success than standardized achievement tests, by 40%. Avoid intervening in conflict resolution between children’s friends and siblings.
As kids get older, we need to trust them more, and when they live up to our trust, catch them doing things right and praise them. Keep an eye out for good judgement, character and resilience, and let them know that’s what you value above all else.
Practical guidelines to help your child manage transitions: create predictability in the household, keep a family calendar, kids should keep their own schedule as soon as they are able, a regular sleep schedule and model calm. ( )
  marieatbookchatter | Aug 29, 2017 |
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Family & Relationships. Nonfiction. HTML:

The New York Times bestselling, groundbreaking manifesto on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life's inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children's friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children's well being, they aren't giving them the chance to experience failure??or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.

Overparenting has the potential to ruin a child's confidence and undermine their education, Lahey reminds us. Teachers don't just teach reading, writing, and arithmetic. They teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint, and foresight??important life skills children carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children's failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed

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