Een beschrijving van het leven van Vanessa Bell en haar relatie tot haar dochter, Angelica Garnett. Het boek is eerlijk over de moeilijke relatie: Angelica die lange tijd in het onzekere gelaten wordt over wie haar vader is en die uiteindelijk trouwt met de minnaar van Duncan, Bunny. Voor voor psychologen zeker. Het boek geeft een inkijkje in vooral het opgroeien bij een moeder die haar gevoelens niet kon tonen en waar emoties onbespreekbaar waren. In dit boek kon ik niet echt doorlezen, was ook regelmatig afgeleid en dat doet dit boek waarschijnlijk geen recht. ( )

Angelica Garnett, dochter van Vanessa Bell en nicht van Virginia Woolf, hoort op 18-jarige leeftijd dat haar vader niet Clive Bell is, maar wel de homoseksuele schilder, Duncan Grant, die haar moeder op die manier aan zich probeerde te binden. Niet in staat om voor zichzelf te denken, trouwt zij met de veel oudere David 'Bunny' Garnett, die bij haar geboorte aanwezig was en toen aankondigde dat hij met haar zou trouwen. Het huwelijk houdt niet stand. Pas als haar ouders gestorven zijn, kan zij de dingen op een rijtje zetten en komt zij min of meer in het reine met het verleden. ( )

Before saying anything, I will explain that the 4 1/2 stars are for a perceived genuineness to this memoir, an almost desperate effort to make sense of a childhood, which while it clearly had moments of happiness, was shot through with the effect of all the words not being said, all the explanations not being made. I did come to feel that this was a 'replay' of a classic Demeter-Persephone story, with Angelica's husband, David Garnett (Bunny) clearly in the role of Hades, taking the young girl away. In some ways it is an awkward book and an uncomfortable one, and at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it, as it appeared to be offering a much starker view of the inner world of the Bloomsbury folk than I have ever encountered and I was afraid there was vindictiveness in it. For all my wide reading, I realize I had a view of Vanessa informed mostly by Virginia's view of her, bountiful, calm, equilibrated in a way she herself never was, presiding over her house and strange menage a trois with calm dignity etcetera. I had a vague idea of Angelica as a somewhat 'difficult' child who had then gone off with a man twice her age, in a shocking defiant way. Vanessa had three children, two with her husband Clive Bell, and one with Duncan Grant, the passion of her life, but a homosexual who only briefly had a physical relationship with her, although their love/friendship continued through their lifetimes. Angelica grew up in this household, the unacknowledged child of Duncan and Vanessa. Both potential fathers, the real and the legal, however, declined to take on Vanessa and have some say in Angelica's upbrining and so Vanessa made all the decisions to do with her education etcetera, with disastrous effect as her priority always, was to protect her and smooth her way. Nothing was explained, little was required of her, and Angelica grew up somehow always 'locked out' of understanding and experience gained from hard work and high expectations from your parents. It is almost a horror story, frankly, not that far off from a kind of abuse by benign neglect - and it is a window into the ways in which this was a transitional group of people. While they had rejected the Victorian ways of their parents and they declared themselves bohemian, they had no tools for actually confronting and discussing and being open with one another, their upper-middle-class selves just could not take bohemianism that far! That is - you would accept that your former lover was gay, but you couldn't ask him what to do about your mutual child.... as if just accepting difference was as far as they could go. If you are a Bloomsbury afficionado, this is a must read, but expect to see things a bit less rosily at the end. I commend Angelica Garnett for her efforts to make sense of her life and to move on. It's quite impressive. ****1/2 ( )

Angelica Garnett was the daughter of painters Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant, but she grew up assuming her mother's husband, Clive Bell was her father. Although I knew this fact, I did not know the circumstances. Garnett explains:

"But Vanessa knew exactly what she wanted. She persuaded Duncan to give her a child, prepared to take the responsibility on herself provided he remained close to her. For her he was a genius, his offspring destined to be exceptional."

Except Angelica's life actually didn't turn out to be that exceptional--odd, yes, but not exceptional. This memoir seems to me to be her way of chasing down and dealing with the demons that came from growing up in Bloomsbury, surrounded by unusual but very intelligent adults and very few children. Vanessa Bell loved her own children, but didn't provide much guidance, as according to Garnett, her goal in life was to be unconventional. Written at the age of 66, this memoir expresses Garnett's feelings of being raised with a lack of real parenting.

Deceived With Kindness is an uneven book--some sections were dull, but some absolutely sparkled. I could see the influence of her Aunt Virginia's literary flair. She writes some beautiful passages about Christmases at the Bell family estate, boring winters in London, and annual spring trips in France. I was looking forward to hearing her explain how at the age of 19 she married 48 year old David (Bunny) Garnett, who had once been Duncan Grant's lover, but I found this part completely unsatisfying.

Recommended for: Readers who are interested in Bloomsbury, figures in modernism, or bohemian English life from the 1920s through the 1950s. This memoir won the 1985 JR Ackerley Prize for Autobiography, so I'd also recommend it to people who enjoy reading memoirs. ( )

Yes indeed deceived! After reading the book I was left with completely different views of Clive, Vanessa, and Duncan that I had imagined from reading Virginia Woolf's letters and diaries. Still can't figure out what Vanessa was thinking. ( )