Be prepared for traumatized children.

This is a rhyming book that introduces readers to people and their beloved canine companions…Florence has Laurence, Martha has Arthur, Polly has Molly, Derrick has Eric and so on…you get the idea. The book sets it up so that everyone has the ideal dog perfectly matched to them. All except Mr. Scruff, who sits alone in the dog pound waiting for his person to come along. One day a family comes in to the shelter looking for a pet, and little Jim decides to adopt Mr. Scruff—despite his parents’ objections that Mr. Scruff is just too big & not a good fit. Shortly after Jim goes home with Mr. Scruff, Mr. Gruff comes into the shelter looking for a companion of his own; Mr. Gruff is old, tall and gangly (just like Mr. Scruff!), but—since Mr. Scruff is now gone—Mr. Gruff ends up going home with a little pup called (you guessed it) Tim! THE END.

No, Mr. Scruff does not find his way home with Mr. Gruff. And little Tim does not end up finding little Jim. This is a simple children’s book that has all the irony-of-fate angst of a Greek tragedy!

My two little ones had an absolute meltdown. “But Mr. Scruff should be with Mr. Gruff…He won’t be happy with someone who isn’t Mr. Gruff…He BELONGS with Mr. Gruff…Won’t Tim DIE if he’s not with Jim???...Do something, Mommy…DO SOMETHING!!!” The fact that our own beloved pets’ names don’t rhyme with any of ours did nothing to comfort them. This book, with its lilting rhymes, literally set my children up to be devastated.

When I picked this innocuous-looking title up, I never imagined it would cause my five year old to have an existential crisis, or that it would reduce my three year old to a puddle of tears! How will Mr. Scruff ever get by without Mr. Gruff? And how will little Tim ever be happy without a little Jim? Honestly, I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me either.

The book tries at the end to say that rhyming names don’t matter, and that everyone is happy. But, too little, too late. My children sure weren’t convinced--the world of the book spent too much time setting them up to think that the dogs’ names had to rhyme for them to belong together.

The book is based on a cute idea, but it flies way off the rails with its ending, and that really is a tragedy. ( )