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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

von Patricia Love, Steven Stosny

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Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?Wife: "Honey, we need to talk about us." Husband: "Do we have to?" Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn't bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples' fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman's vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man's subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can't happen through words. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require "trying to turn a man into a woman." Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.… (mehr)
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Interesting and insightful. Goes to the roots of why each gender thinks the way it does and therefore acts the we they do. At first, I was skeptical but the book was spot on too many times for me to discount the theories. ( )
  KyleneJones | Apr 25, 2022 |
I did not know that. ( )
  cwcoxjr | Sep 5, 2019 |
This book is paradoxical and hard to evaluate. So many good insights that ring true in profound ways, but wrapped in flimsy socio-biological reasoning and repugnant generalizations about gender. So often the examples imply that women should be doormats and not expect equal partnerships -- don't interrupt him when he's reading the newspaper or he'll be flooded with cortisol and can't be expected to respond like a person! Don't criticize or he'll shut down from shame! (No answer to what am I supposed to do with these dirty dishes, though.) The most valuable piece was the advice to work hard to see things from your partner's perspective, not just your own. Also the importance of nonverbal communication and staying approachable, not avoiding or attacking. Not stated, but implied: be the change you want to see in your relationship. ( )
  libraryhead | Aug 2, 2018 |
I read this at the instruction of a marriage counselor. It was enlightening, but not mind-blowing. I didn't agree with all of the advice, but the basic idea seemed true. And some of the advice has been useful. I would recommend as a resource to marriages in trouble, but not as a end-all-be-all fix. It will simply give one several good ideas, perhaps some useful tips. Personally, I found other books more helpful for my marriage. But each marriage is unique and this may speak to others in ways it did not speak to me. ( )
  empress8411 | Jan 21, 2014 |
A great book on the motives behind our actions. I got so much insight into why I do things and what my real issues are. I was immediately able to apply it to other relationships besides marriage. It really will help your marriage, even if your spouse never reads it. ( )
  AmyBookit | Apr 1, 2011 |
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AutorennameRolleArt des AutorsWerk?Status
Patricia LoveHauptautoralle Ausgabenberechnet
Stosny, StevenHauptautoralle Ausgabenbestätigt
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Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?Wife: "Honey, we need to talk about us." Husband: "Do we have to?" Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn't bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples' fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman's vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man's subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can't happen through words. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require "trying to turn a man into a woman." Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.

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