'Avast ye land lubbers! This here book does for we pirates what lemons did for scurvy! It's good fer what ails ye! Buy it or blast ye! Arrr!?Long John Silver ?The mastery of relativity and quantum mechanics these pirates demonstrate does not surprise me. I often did physics with pirates and found them to be brilliant theorists when not monkey-full and rat-legged on hot chocolate.'?Albert Einstein ?No, I don't plan on reading the book. I never did approve of his choice to become a pirate. His father and I worked so hard to get him through college and then he goes off and does this. But we've since accepted that our son is a slimed sea dog and a curse upon the waters. We still love him.'?Brownbeard's mom, Ethel Blackbeard the Pirate's lesser-known, not-quite-as-successful cousin, Short Stubbly Brownbeard, leads a normal, boring life of respectability and social engagements. All of that changes one night while working late at the office. Brownbeard is attacked by a mob of angry numbers thirsty for the blood of a young accountant. Fearing for his mental balance, Brownbeard leaves his desk job to become a pirate. With the aid of a dysfunctional but semi-competent crew, Brownbeard finds himself across the galaxy on the most ambitious heist ever. In The Empire of Sa?Laam, with its miles high and miles deep towers, Brownbeard and crew hatch a wickedly devious plan to swindle The Emperor of his wealth. But in Sa?Laam, the game of Empire is for real'it's played every night in front of millions of screaming fans'and it's played for keeps. If Brownbeard participates, he'll have to face both the sinister truth behind the facade of Sa?Laam, and his own greed and complacency. But the truth will necessitate a fight to the death, requiring a courage and resolve which Brownbeard has never possessed. Can he win the game? Or will his first adventure as a pirate be his last?