Gabrielle Stanley BlairRezensionen

Blair urges us to reframe the way we think about abortion and sex in general. She insists that by focusing on men and their responsibilities, we could actually reduce abortion via comprehensive sex education, free and easy access to birth control, and responsible law-making.

(3.45 Stars)

First thought: I liked this book. period.

I wanted to like it more, especially since I completely agree with the author's main points. The included reference materials are helpful and hopefully it will open up the eyes of people who do not consider the consequences of sex, if they could bother to read it (which I doubt).

What I found myself thinking as I read this book was that when statistics and data proved her points it was used, and when other points were being declared the author seemed to heavily rely on anecdote and/or emotions, or the most extreme examples. But I want to stress, even with that being said, the book contains lots of great information, valid points, and complete facts that are a disturbing vision of how women are dehumanized when it comes to choices about their own bodies and how men think of them.

I recently finished Ejaculate Responsibly after seeing Gabrielle Stanley Blair interviewed on a book program. She's a religious woman with 6 kids who thinks reasonably. In fact, she thinks so reasonably that this book should be required reading for every politician and religious person with an opinion on abortion. However, banning abortion has nothing to do with reason, so I'm sure most would not be swayed. Her idea is that women are fertile for just a few days a month for a few years of their lives. Men are fertile every day for almost their entire lives. If one wants to stop abortion then the only reasonable thing to do is to make sure that men ejaculate responsibly.

An excellent short but poignant read that really brings home a lot of contested issues around abortion and how men should not be absolved of responsibility as they currently are.

Should be required reading for all!½

Rating: 4 stars of 5

Ejaculate Responsibly is a quick read about the author’s position on this relevant topic. She uses short, readable chapters to present data to back up her position - one that posits that we are really focusing on the wrong thing as society debates and legislates and makes abortion the prominent factor of discussion when there are other things that are playing a larger role in the issue but that go ignored.

I agreed with most of what she said. Many of her arguments are completely logical, and I liked that she shared facts rather than just her own opinion to back them up.

There were a few places, though, where I thought she used overgeneralizing language (a pet peeve of mine, as such language rarely accounts for the nuances of real life with very different humans involved), where editing errors distracted from the text, where she was noticeably repetitive, where something she said was questionably accurate or where a comparison she was making did not represent a true contrast. There was also an instance in which she was recommending sperm banking prior to vasectomy (just in case), which is fine, except that she had been previously making the argument that a vasectomy is cheaper than female sterilization. The cost of sperm retrieval and continuous storage costs can be quite expensive, too, which negated her previous point a bit (the comparison of the risks of each procedure are still fair, however).

There were also a couple of decisions, which I presume to have been made by the publisher and not the author, that I found off-putting.

The first is that each page of the book has red ink printed along its inner side where it meets the spine. It appears to have been done on purpose as a design choice, but it bothered my eyes as I was reading. I would probably not purchase another physical book with this “design feature.”

Secondly, I did not like the choice to not print the citations within the book block. The first note I made to myself as I was reading was that there appeared to be no citations for referenced material (studies, etc.), which really bothered me. I was incredulous that, even in places where she was directly quoting a scientific paper, there was no reference to the source material provided within the text. When I checked the back of the book where I would expect to see a list of references, it was not there. I later realized (as I finished the book), that there is a note on page 129, just before the author’s acknowledgements, that all of the citations are instead available online. I did not like this choice (again, I presume it to have been made by the publisher) to not print the citations within the book. I like to check citations as I read and make notes about things I’d like to look up and read for myself, and I do not like to have to sit with a screen up whilst I read to check citations elsewhere. Additionally, for someone who does not have regular access to the internet, this would make the reader’s verifying of the information presented more difficult. If there are problems with the internet in the future and the list becomes inaccessible, the book has virtually no cited references available to reinforce its claims. I hope this is not going to become common practice with publishers.

Overall, I would recommend reading this book. It offers a valid and useful perspective. If there is a future edition, I hope the publisher will print the citations within it rather than solely making them available online.

Provocative title and an orange cover? Must read!

The contents are just as provocative -- and sort of orangish -- and I fully endorse the need to assert men's responsibility for unwanted pregnancies. (It puts me in mind of the "last clear chance" doctrine in accident litigation.)

While I support the right to abortion, I have long felt that society should be doing more to minimize its necessity by reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies by providing sex education, free contraceptives and vasectomies, and support for those who are pregnant or have just given birth so choosing to remain pregnant doesn't seem a source of financial and personal ruin. In my mind, those who can only think in terms of bans are not as pro-life as they claim to be.

These arguments are presented clearly and briefly . . . and are backed up by extensive sources. It’s time to change the conversation. Read my full review here.½

A MUST-READ

Some of the best bits ...

[P]regnancy and abortion are not ‘a woman’s issue.’ men don’t play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Men’s lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies. [All.] p8

We treat ejaculation as something that happens at random, that is unintentional, that is impossible to anticipate or predict. p17

Women— [Actually, just read the whole of chapter 4: Ovulation is Involuntary, Ejaculation is not.] p19

We don’t mind if women suffer, as long as it makes things easier for men. [the title of chapter 10.] p48

When men choose to have condom-less sex, they are putting a woman’s body, health, social status, job, economic status, relationships, and even her life, at risk in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure. … Would men really choose a few moments of slightly more pleasure over risking a woman’s whole life? [italics mine] [Yes. Apparently.] p57

If Person One knows they have an STI and transmits it to their partner, Person Two, in many states that’s a crime, and Person One can be prosecuted by the state. Additionally, Person Two can bring a civil suit against Person One. If your bodily fluids have the potential to harm your partner [and she’s made an incontestable case that pregnancy has that potential] [actually, she establishes that harm is a certainty], it’s your responsibility to ensure they don’t. p70

If you have a son, his sperm can “infect” any woman he has sex with. … Pregnancy and childbirth are known to kill women. Pregnancy and childbirth are highly likely to leave permanent scars and cause future health problems … Unplanned pregnancy and childbirth can have a significant negative impact on the quality of life for the future child and their parents. A man’s sperm can cause a huge amount of damage. p71

Don’t ask: Why don’t women pick better men? Instead, ask: Why are there so many abusive men? And: Why don’t we teach men not to abuse? p87 [Though I’d also ask: Why do they have to be taught not to abuse?]

“Patriarchy teaches us that sex, for women is a giveaway, while for men it is a takeaway. She saves herself, gives herself to the right one, and then her virginity is lost. In this equation, there is nothing in sex that’s for her to take. Whereas he takes and scores and there is nothing in sex for him to give. When her mind is programmed to give, she struggles to say ‘no’. When his mind is programmed to take, he struggles to accept ‘no’.” (from The 8th List of Shit That Made Me a Feminist, Farida D.) p87

I’m trying to imagine how our culture would react if men with children peed themselves every time they jumped or sneezed [a common ‘side-effect’ of pregnancy and childbirth]. I don’t think the medical community would be okay with that. I think the issue would be solved by now. p93

I think it’s safe to say that if sex were as risky for men as it is for women—with an unwanted pregnancy potentially leading to loss of social status, loss of career, a disruption of their education, physical disability, death, and the permanent responsibility for another human—that men would insist on having a choice in the matter. [Yeah. Why I wrote What Happened to Tom.] p96

If a man ejaculates irresponsibly and causes an unwanted pregnancy, he faces zero consequences. He can walk away at any time, and our current culture doesn’t really do much (or anything?) to discourage it. [Yeah. Given p91-95, impregnating should be consider premeditated aggravated assault, the full damages of which to be determined after childbirth, and putting male DNA on record at birth would enable charges to be confirmed.] p107

Our society is set up to protect men from the consequences of their own actions [like we do for children]. Our laws and policies could not be better designed to protect men who abandon the pregnancies they cause. p109 [see the full list of evidence on p109-110]

Sperm should be considered a dangerous bodily fluid that can cause pain, a lifetime of disruption and even death for some. Sperm can create a person. Sperm can kill a person. Sperm cause pregnancy, and pregnancy and childbirth can result in physical and mental health issues for women, as well as negative impacts to her social status, job status, and financial status. p112