Rafal Motriuk

I received a free copy of this book in return for an honest review.

I was very interested in this book, as there are several people on the autistic spectrum in my life, including my (now teenage) son. My feelings on the book however, are very divided.

On the one hand, it's a great resource for parents, especially those with young children on the spectrum, (or to educate people about them) for helping them see what kind of situations may arise, and to help them realise that their child isn't alone in how they experience the world.

On the other hand (and this would have caused me to DNF if I hadn't promised a review), it is written from the perspective of someone who thinks that being on the spectrum is a bad thing for everyone involved, and as a result I got the very strong impression throughout that short of a terminal illness or accident, autism is the worst kind of tragedy (the author actually uses this word) a parent can experience.

I *emphatically* disagree! autism is not an illness. I am not even convinced it should be classed as a disorder, like it currently is. It is a different way of looking at the world. The brain is wired differently, and believe it or not, this can actually be extremely beneficial. Their brains work extremely logically, which in turn makes them ideally suited to become engineers, programmers and scientists (Einstein and Newton for example are now believed to have shown clear signs of Asperger's).
But quite aside from that, I've found that the vast majority of people on the spectrum that I've come into contact with are simply better people than a lot of neurotypicals are. There is no malice in them. They don't do horrible things out of spite, and excepting when they have a meltdown and cannot control their actions, don't tend to resort to violence or intimidation to get what they want. But just because the way they act doesn't conform to what society considers normal, they are labelled as weird. Many autistic people have learned to "hide" and mimic accepted behaviours in order to fit in. Most never realise there's a reason for why they feel different. It's only now, with so many young people being diagnosed, that their parents are recognising those traits in themselves.

When my son was around 10 - old enough to be aware of his situation and understand what it meant - he asked me one day that if there was a cure for autism, would I want him to take it?
I told him, that unless he really, desperately wanted it, then absolutely not!
There is a reason why a lot of people on the spectrum prefer being called "an autistic person" as opposed to "a person with autism". Autism is a real and defining part of them. It is instrumental in making them who they are, not an afterthought to be tagged on at the end in the hopes no-one will notice. If an autistic person were to be "cured", they would cease to be that person.

My son is the sweetest, most caring, smart and funny young man, and I would never, ever want him to change. Of course there have been challenges and frustrations, but they always occurred fighting *for* him, instead of with him. He is in a mainstream school, which I fought tooth and nail for, and about to sit his GCSEs. With the exception of German (which he hates), he is expected to get top grades across the board. He has a great group of friends, who share many of his interests, and accept him for who he is, and have been hugely beneficial to him in learning to be socially interactive in a way that would be expected of him in a neurotypical society.
I have absolutely no doubts or reservations about him being able to go on and thrive at university, the workplace, and when he decides the time has come, an independent life away from the family home.

I'm sorry. I veered away from the actual book for a while there. But it really, really does upset me when people take the stance that autism is something awful to happen to their family. Sure, there are difficulties - I especially think that caring for someone on the extreme low-functioning side of the spectrum would be very hard indeed - but that's parenting. It's hard work, no matter what child you have. they each come with their own challenges. Heck, personally I'd have been far more "desperate" about the sickly younger sister who spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital!

So hence the middle-of-the-road rating from me. A very good resource for learning about the day-to-day stuff, but a low one from me personally for attitude. I would have preferred a tone of encouragement, rather than commiseration...… (mehr)