Wade Mullen

This book is a helpful resource for people who are experiencing abuse or who think it is possible that they are but are not quite ready to call it abuse. It deals primarily with spiritual abuse that often manifests itself in faith communities, but is also applicable to other types of abuse that can occur outside of religious organizations (physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, etc.).

Dr. Mullen shares his own story of his family’s healing journey after experiencing spiritual abuse as he breaks down some of the tactics used by people in positions of power to abuse others. He describes common red flags, language that should serve as a warning that something might not be right, and gives suggestions for handling such situations whilst also keeping yourself and your loved ones safe.

I found the book to be well-written and accurate. I also related to some of the author’s story about the spiritual abuse his family endured and found his recommendations helpful. Further, there is a lot of great information here that people can use to help ensure that their faith communities are safe spaces for everyone and that they are aware of the steps they can take to be sure they are not perpetuating harm.

Here are a few quotes that I underlined in my copy:

- “Remember, knowledge is the foundation for reclaiming the power that has been stolen from you.”

- “Many have asked me how I protect myself from vicarious trauma or from becoming overly despairing and cynical. My answer: I look for and cultivate beauty.”

- “Abuse is a community concern. Therefore, the question must be asked of each of us: In what ways am I perpetuating an abusive culture through my silence or tacit endorsement of those who are in the wrong?”

- “Our response reveals whose voice we honor more. Consider these words from Judith Herman: ‘It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.’”

- “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.” - Elie Wiesel

The end of the book has a lengthy list of resources for people who have experienced or are experiencing various kinds of abuse so they can find the help they need. This includes resources for people who are not being abused that can be referred to in order to help create safe spaces for people in their communities.

I do recommend this book.

If you are experiencing abuse, there are people who are ready and willing to help you. With just those few seconds of courage it takes to make a call or send a message, you can connect with people who are ready to listen and provide assistance so you can also begin your own healing process.

If you live in the United States and are being physically abused by someone in your home, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 24/7 toll-free at 800-799-7233. If speaking aloud is dangerous for you, you can also text START to 88788.… (mehr)