Lindsay C. GibsonRezensionen

Best for:
I mean, as it says on the tin, right? Also maybe if you’re considering becoming a parent? Might be good to consider checking it out.

In a nutshell:
Author Gibson explores the different types of emotionally immature parents, the impact that can have on their children as children and as adults, and offers ways of continuing on in relationship with such parents without further harming oneself.

Worth quoting:
“Emotionally immature parents can do a good job of taking care of their children’s physical and material needs. In a world of food, shelter, and education, these parents may be able to provide everything that’s needed. In terms of things that are physical, tangible, or activity related, many of these parents make sure their children get every advantage they can afford. But when it comes to emotional matters, they can be oblivious to their children’s needs.”

“Emotionally immature people, on the other hand, often take pride in their lack of [emotional work]. They rationalize their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like ‘I’m just saying what I think’ or ‘I can’t change who I am.’”

Why I chose it:
Well, I am an adult child. Am I an adult child of one or more emotionally immature parents? My therapist would probably say yes…

Review:
I can’t really review this in as much detail as I would like without revealing more about myself than I feel comfortable doing. But what I will say is that after spending some time in therapy last year, the concept of emotionally immature parents came onto my radar. I’m not going to specify which parents this might apply to; I will, however, share that I found this book to be full of highly relevant information that helped me to both better understand myself and help me sort out new approaches to interacting with the parents in the future.

The book is laid out quite well, with clearly defined and contained chapters. Gibson starts by exploring the impact of emotional immature parents on their adult children’s lives, then jumps into helping the reader sort out what an emotionally immature parent it. There’s a checklist / quiz here that I found helpful and eye-opening.

Gibson theorizes that there are four types of emotionally immature parents, and explores how they differ. There are three chapters in the middle that I found a bit less helpful than the others, partially because I think I already explored the ideas there in other ways, but these sections are probably quite helpful to most folks: they’re about different ways us as adult children react to being raised by emotionally immature parents. The final chapters are full of tips and tools for managing the relationship with an emotionally immature parent, which is really what I was in it for, and what I am looking forward to trying out in the future.

I think a lot of folks in my generation (Xennial) and younger are taking the time to explore and improve their emotional lives, and part of that work involves looking at their relationships, including with their parents. While this book might not be what my peers would reach for initially (it’s not marketed in a clever pop non-fiction way), I do think it’s worth checking out.

What’s next for this book:
On my shelf and to be referred to regularly I’d imagine.

I didn't realize I needed this book, but, wow, it was incredible. If you need this advice, you will get so much out of this book.

4.75

My brother read this book and recommended it. I figured it would be something of a waste of time; my childhood was fraught with turbulence, and my brother recommending this book only confirmed that, so what need did I have of verifying it for myself?

As I read (listened, since it was on Audible for free at the time), I rarely thought of my own parents. Instead, every time the author mentioned some way in which people act emotionally immature, I thought of myself and how I identified with each behavior. What an eye-opener. It's only been a week or two since reading, and I've already changed how I treat my daughters. And that's not because the book offered a bunch of ways to become less emotionally immature. Rather, just being aware takes you so far.

Great read, if you are the emotionally immature type. Since that can be hard to identify without knowing the behaviors, I recommend this book to everyone so you can find out for yourself. Hopefully it will be a waste of time for you, but if not, then you'll be happy to at least be aware.

It's an excellent resource and therapy book, but I don't know if I agree with everything in it, but I just take what makes sense and leave the rest that doesn't feel right or makes sense for me. I checked this out from the library and now I think I should get my own copy to reread/re-listen to sometimes. This is one of those books I think is good to have in your library.

Particularly insightful and helpful.

The subject here: this book is about emotional deprivation, a form of child neglect every bit as damaging as the physical ones. It is about emotionally-phobic parents who feed you, clothe you and send you to school, but never once talk to you about anything important, teach you or take you anywhere, or hug you, or show they care about you; it is about the many different kinds of parent who never engage with a child properly, if at all, and about the consequences of that for the child in later life, from the mildly problematic to the catastrophic. It is about a real-life tragedy totally off most people’s radar.
    What I suspect many of its readers will find here: first, some genuine insights, at last, into what happened to them, and why it happened, and the wretched lives which resulted; some understanding too, finally, of the most baffling thing of all—their own parents. Second, one common feature of this is the feeling that you alone in the whole wide world were treated this way; and this book may well help with that too. And third, even if it’s decades too late and you’ll never get a second shot at living your life, just maybe this understanding will bring some sort of peace.
    Not all of Gibson’s book was relevant to me—about half of it was and half of it wasn’t—but to my surprise it not only helped, a number of times it left me sitting here quite overwhelmed. If any of the above sounds even remotely like you, I recommend this.

Despite a rather tedious narration style, and rather dubious if-then-else explanations, this book offers some good insights and descriptions of emotionally immature behaviour and its effect on children. As it often leads to emotionally stunted children, she also explores the signs of such behaviour in potential partners and of course in ones self. I think to some extent everyone can identify with some of these behaviours at some times. So it becomes a question of degree as to whether you (or your partner) may consider you emotionally immature. I am expecting some robust discussions with my wife!

3 stars: Enjoyed parts of it

From the back cover: If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

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Read this book to get some things out of.

Enmeshment sometimes manifests as playing favorites. IT can be hard to watch your parent give attention to a preferred sibling, making you wonder why your parent never showed that kind of interest in you. But obvious favoritism isn't a sign of a close relationship; its a sign of enmeshment. ... Low levels of emotional maturity pull people into mutual enmeshment, especially if they are a parent and child.

[re passive parents]: Compared to other types, these parents seem more emotionally available, but only to a point. When things get too intense, they become passive, withdraw emotionally, and hide their heads in the sand. They don't offer their children any real limits or guidance to help them navigate the world. They may love you, but they can't help you.

I'm grateful for this self-help workbook on a difficult, heart-wrenching subject for those of us still trying to recover from our childhoods. Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. provides a plethora of client stories that really help the reader see their own parent's behavior as part of a larger, documented pattern. She describes 4 main archetypes of emotionally immature parents, and how their inability to emotionally connect affects their children into adulthood. She even provides a very achievable plan to have a manageable relationship with emotionally unavailable parents. I didn't find her answer very satisfying at first, but it is practical and focuses on honoring and respecting my own often-neglected feelings, and accepting that I only have control over my own behavior; I cannot expect to change anyone else. I feel very hopeful now having a realistic approach to communicate with my parents.

Some of the suggestions are misses for me, but most are valuable, and several resonate strongly. I read the original book (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults) several years ago and learned about this one on a podcast recently. It's an excellent source of practical next steps after reading the original book. A little self-helpy but not annoyingly so.½

Interesting book that I had seen mentioned on Instagram. Makes some compelling arguments.

One of the best counseling books I've read. Helpful and freeing. Gives stratigies for dealing with emotionally immature people in your life.

I ended up reading almost the entire book aloud to my husband. "Ohmygosh! That's why so and so acts that way!"..."That's why I act like this!"

I've never felt more seen.

Anyone who wonders if they should read this book...just do it.

Helpful.

Really excellent and, if not life-changing, then certainly mindset-changing. The narration of the audiobook was fantastic - something that I tend to struggle with, usually. The reason it's not 5 stars is that there were quite a few blanket generalisations that bothered me as an approach, and there was a noticeable absence of a discussion on how to recognise emotional immaturity in yourself and deal with it... but perhaps that's a whole different book.

Perhaps this book's greatest value is putting into words the vague and uncomfortable feelings that you had as a child when you knew something was off but had no idea how to label it or what to do with it.

This is an excellent psychology book for general consumption. Gibson has organized each chapter thoughtfully and includes helpful real-life scenarios. It’s almost as if she anticipated my thoughts; just as I began to think a question, the book answered it. I highly recommend for anyone, even those who do not have emotionally immature parents, because it gives valuable information about emotionally immature people in general.

"Sensitive parents teach their children to notice and identify their fatigue instead of making them feel anxious or lazy for needing rest. Unfortunately, emotionally immature parents are so self-focused that they don't notice when their children are overwhelmed or trying too hard. They're more likely to take advantage of the child's sensitive caring nature rather than protect the child from overusing it."

"unconditional love cannot be bought with conditional behavior"

3.5/5 stars