Steven StosnyRezensionen

Interesting and insightful. Goes to the roots of why each gender thinks the way it does and therefore acts the we they do. At first, I was skeptical but the book was spot on too many times for me to discount the theories.

Caveat: it's not what you think. :)

So I picked this up because, lately, I've been sensing that the "younger generation" is struggling with feelings of betrayal. Oddly enough, the things that older adults see as transient-- organizations, government leaders, laws, etc-- the younger adults see as impermanent and the things that older adults were taught to think of as permanent, e.g. relationships, younger adults see as transient. Younger adults feel betrayed by "the establishment" but are okay, or talk like they're okay, when people and relationships dissolve.

I was hoping the book would give me some insight. It did. Sort of. But not really. Frankly, I'm not sure the how-to portion would work. I think there might be something better out there. But that is hard to know because there are so few books on betrayal period. This was the only one I found that was available to me. Someday when I have gobs of money I'll order them off of Amazon. By then, perhaps, the research will be better.

I really liked his points on trust (what it is and what it isn't). And I was pleasantly surprised that he even thought to bring up attachment theory---which, I suspect, has a deeper connection to the problem than he suspects.

Received book from NetGalley for review.
This book addresses the many faces of betrayal in our lives. Very helpful and useful suggestions for moving on from the effects of betrayal. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to let go of the pain and resentment by creating a healing identity.

I did not know that.

This book is paradoxical and hard to evaluate. So many good insights that ring true in profound ways, but wrapped in flimsy socio-biological reasoning and repugnant generalizations about gender. So often the examples imply that women should be doormats and not expect equal partnerships -- don't interrupt him when he's reading the newspaper or he'll be flooded with cortisol and can't be expected to respond like a person! Don't criticize or he'll shut down from shame! (No answer to what am I supposed to do with these dirty dishes, though.) The most valuable piece was the advice to work hard to see things from your partner's perspective, not just your own. Also the importance of nonverbal communication and staying approachable, not avoiding or attacking. Not stated, but implied: be the change you want to see in your relationship.

I read this at the instruction of a marriage counselor. It was enlightening, but not mind-blowing. I didn't agree with all of the advice, but the basic idea seemed true. And some of the advice has been useful. I would recommend as a resource to marriages in trouble, but not as a end-all-be-all fix. It will simply give one several good ideas, perhaps some useful tips. Personally, I found other books more helpful for my marriage. But each marriage is unique and this may speak to others in ways it did not speak to me.½

A great book on the motives behind our actions. I got so much insight into why I do things and what my real issues are. I was immediately able to apply it to other relationships besides marriage. It really will help your marriage, even if your spouse never reads it.

Throw away all your relationship self-help books. This one nails it. While the title certainly appeals to men, the work is well balanced on targeting fears and anxieties facing men and women in a relationship and focuses on connection rather than confrontation. I know I'm going to read this one again.