Commenting on weight loss

When this topic comes up, I am usually reminded of Nigella Lawson's comment in her book How To Eat: I don't have it to hand for the exact quote but she talks about immediately thinking what you've said above, ie, that if anyone tells her she's lost weight, she assumes they thought she was overweight before.

If I've ever been asked about how I've lost weight, people seem to have been genuinely curious about how to do it (presumably so that they too can follow that particular diet), so I haven't been too offended, but I can understand why some people - especially if the weight loss is because of illness - may not appreciate the question. It really isn't anyone else's business (and is therefore impolite to comment) unless you raise the topic yourself, thereby indicating that you feel comfortable talking about it.

Instead of commenting specifically on the weight loss, just say, "Darling, it's been ages! You're looking marvelous!" (This, of course, assumes they are not looking haggard and gaunt.)

#1 "...it seems like I would be saying, "Boy, you sure were fat before!" "

That is exactly the same way that I feel when someone asks if I have lost weight. I respond to them politely and choose to assume they mean well, but that is definitely what that means to me. I read somewhere (sorry, can't remember the author or title) that compliments of any kind should never be phrased as a comparison for precisely that reason. It implies that in the past you were not acceptable/pretty/successful/choose your subject.

I especially dislike it when they make that comment and I have not lost weight. It makes me wonder if they remember me as being "fatter" than I am.

I suspect that one of the reasons some of us are overweight is that we are too kind to do to others what they do to us, and instead we use food to numb ourselves to the insensitive and/or ignorant people around us.

Just saying "You look wonderful" or some such would successfully convey a nice compliment without the indirect insult.

Having recently lost 130 lbs, I run into this situation with some regularity. Mostly people tell me how great/healthy/whatever I look. I think it's important to take this at face value and not overanalyze the response, nor project one's own feelings/issues/etc on the compliment-giver.
Response: "How nice of you to notice! I love your ...." Most people will stop here. If someone does go on to ask what you've done, i.e. to lose weight, and you can't get away with a distant smile, tell them that you have a wonderful doctor and ask if they want his number. Done with a gentle smile, few will cross over this line, unless they have someone seriously in need of this information in mind (which is often a reason for pushing beyond the bounds of politeness, in my experience).

Well, many people who have lost a lot of weight through dieting actually WERE fat before.

But the acknowledgment of that obviously has nothing to do with etiquette.

While I see how this may get rude in a heartbeat, stating "You los weight" is just stating a fact, no? I don't know, I rarely get offended as long as it's not followed by "You were really a bit chubby recently" ;)

Never comment on weight loss. One of my most embarassing moments:

"Hey, you look great! Have you been working out?"

"No, I have cancer."

Trust me. Don't go there. If they are proud of their weight loss and they want to talk about their latest diet / workout, let them raise the subject.

I honestly don't understand why that would be embarrassing.

What's embarrassing about choosing to assume that the new, fit look is the result of a positive change, rather than a negative one?

What's embarrassing about looking great in spite of cancer?

Plus, it might have been a relief for the afflicted person to get such a perfect opportunity to tell you the news.

Most people are envious when they see someone else who has experienced significant weight loss and wish they could emulate it. Generally, they are hoping you have the magic bullet that will do the trick for them too. I try to restrain myself after running into an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. When younger she was quite beautiful, but over the years had turned porky like the rest of us. When I ran into her she was once more stunningly beautiful and thin. My exclamation was in the nature of "Wow! You look fantastic. How did you do it?" Her response was "Well, I almost died." Which shut me up but gave her the opportunity to relate her health misadventure in more detail than anybody would want to know, but I asked for it. How well such a comment is received depends on how casual the relationship is, but it's best to just restrain yourself, particularly with someone with whom you are not very close. I did recently break my own rule, when a friend who had been getting a bit pudgy and soft came back from six months in Iraq obviously thinner and much fitter. In his case he was flattered that I noticed. As in most other things, let your brain rule your mouth.

I don't comment on weight loss unless I know the person is someone, like me :-), who loves to hear, "Dahling, you've look like you've lost weight." Otherwise it implies that something was wrong with the person before. A simple, "It's great to see you. You look wonderful," or "I love that outfit on you," should do the trick.

As for people who do comment when you don't want them to, not much you can do if you don't want to get a reputation as a prickly pear. A brief "thank you" and change of subject can let the other person know that this is a subject that you do not wish to dwell upon. If they don't get the message, oh well. We all have to deal with really annoying people who mean well. Grin and bear it.