Tea Joke

The Independent (UK) has been featuring intellectual jokes. Here's one relating to our topic:

Q: Why did Marx and Engels drink herbal tea?

A: Because they believed that proper tea is theft.

~groan~

Lord bird, a clean joke that's funny. Bless you, Clifford. -- GCG

I read this one in some collection of old Chinese stories:
A tea lover had his peasant relative as a guest and walked quite a distance to get the best spring water and used the best tea leaves he could get to make tea for him. The realtive did praise the tea and he asked if he appreciated the high quality tea leaves or rather the good spring water in it. The relative replied: "Its warmth!"

Today's XKCD has some illustrated speculation on large-scale tea brewing.

Thank you for sharing this!  I love xkcd.

Saw a cartoon the other day. One person asked another if they wanted a cup of tea. The other replied "no." The caption was "Anarchy in the UK".

#7 - A moment of puzzlement - then I burst out laughing. That's quite delicious.

Are you a tea addict?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/signs-youre-probably-a-tea-addict#.oanzdybJE5

>9 2wonderY:

That post just put me through an emotional rollercoaster ride!

First of all, there was the general, low-level irritation - something along the lines of, "Tea bags! TEA BAGS!!! The barbarians are at the gate!" - the usual thing.

But then I had to go and follow up that reference to 'British people are making tea wrong, according to science' - near-apoplexy!

Then I read the Independent's article properly and realised it was nothing less than a blatant piece of trolling - and rubbish, to boot. That phrase 'up to five minutes' makes the whole article meaningless anyway. What does 'up to' mean? Anything from a split-second to five minutes.

The article seems a mishmash of: a set of lighthearted guidelines from British Science Week (which you can download here - http://www.britishscienceweek.org/perfectcuppa/) and which don't say anything like the article claims; the guidelines for producing brews for professional tea-tasting ("preparation of a liquor of tea for use in sensory tests"), which I would have thought have little to do with domestic tea-brewing; and some comments from Professor Mark Miodownik for which I can find no basis other than that he was asked his opinion by a Telegraph journalist.

Having researched that far, I realised that I'd been well and truly trolled and sucked in, a hefty chunk of my morning had been wasted on nonsense, I'd been provoked into writing an LT post with eight exclamation marks in it, AND MY DAMNED TEA HAD GONE COLD! Er ... nine exclamation marks, now.

This is the kind of irresponsible journalism that causes rioting on the streets.

>10 alaudacorax:

After that, I suppose I should add a joke.

"Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
We'll all have tea."

"Look, for the last time, I CAN'T put the kettle on, I'm a frigging parrot!"

Apologies if that nursery rhyme isn't known outside the UK ...

>10 alaudacorax: Errr ... sorry! I thought it was funny, which is why I put it in the joke thread. I didn't mean to disturb your day like that. Sorry.

I've known Polly all my life.

Not you, 2wonderY! That damned Independent journo! It's a serious matter, trying to interfere with Brits' relationship with their cuppa. I mean, we're a people that can really appreciate the dark depths of misery and thwarted ambition embodied in the second verse of the nursery rhyme of which I quoted the first verse, above.

The article you originally linked makes perfect sense to me, though. Well ... except the tea bags ... and, just possibly, the killing of people at no.9 - the tea bags are worse, though.

I was watching a comedy sketch about Prince Harry's wedding reception. It really wasn't very funny, but I did get a chuckle when "Harry" referred to a guest's cup of tea as a "Virgin Hot Toddy". :=)

>5 defaults:

I had no idea I needed to read that! ;D

An old Catholic joke about a tea cup rather than tea...

Chap walks up to a pub on a hot summer afternoon and sees a nun sitting outside the door. Taking pity on her, he asks if she would like a drink. She's a bit confused and says she has no idea about pubs, being a good nun, so she doesn't know what to drink. He suggests a gin and tonic. She says she doesn't know what that is but she'll give it a try. And then she asks him to bring it in a tea cup rather than a glass, because she doesn't want to scandalise people by letting them see a holy nun drinking alcohol.

The chap goes up to the bar and orders a pint of bitter and a gin and tonic, "And could you please put the gin and tonic in a tea cup?"

Barman replies, "Is that bloody nun sitting outside the pub again?"

In which case, I'll live to a ripe old age!

>17 2wonderY: I love that. Hope it never happens to me, though!

In my case, it would be more like a line of headstones with the epitaph 'got in the way of someone who ran out of tea.'

My dad used to tell this joke...

So, this guy’s in the hospital and the nurse gives him a hot-tea enema. The patient screams, “Yowweeaahhhh!”

“What!?” exclaimed the nurse. “Is it too hot?”

“No!” replied the patient, “It’s too sweet!”

Three new nuns in the convent were only allowed to speak once every 3 years:

Year 1 – Sister Mary, “The tea is too strong”.

Year 2 – Sister Janet, “No. The tea is too weak”.

Year 3 – Sister Pam, “I’m fed up with all this arguing, I’m leaving”.

“Mmmm. That first cup of tea was really nice.”

“I take it you want another cup?”

“Ooooh . . . . All right then . . . . You are so manipulative.”

>23 Jammy1:

Reminds me of Mrs Doyle in Fr Ted - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20wHvMPTGs

>24 John5918: I confess I use the line "That first cup of tea was very nice", quite a lot. Always works.😊

I said "Doctor, is it really true that too much tea can affect your eyesight?"

He said "You're in Walmart."

>26 TeaBag88: Actually, one of our local eye doctors has offices in Walmart. :D

I said "Doctor, is it really true that too much tea can affect your eyesight?"

He said "You're in MacDonald's."

Not a joke, really, but walked into my local bookstore and they had a number of teas from the "NovelTeas" company, I think it was?" Mostly, punny. ;)

"Cup of Cthulhu!"
"Oliver Lemon Twist"
"Don QuixoTEA (man of LaManCHAI)
"The Pumpkin Spice must flow"
"Anne of Green Tea Tables"
"The Picture of Earl Grey"
"Anise in Wonderland"
"Pippi Oolong Stocking"
etc.

Found them! https://novelteatins.com/collections/tins

Why is my post half-missing?

Cthulhu ate it

>31 Crypto-Willobie: Apparently. It's there if I go to edit it, but otherwise stops at Don there. Missed some good ones, like "The Picture of Earl Grey" and "Anise in Wonderland." ;)

>32 WeeTurtle: Look for a < character somewhere near the end of the last displayed line? You can write html in your post, so something like <a with no end tag will cause the rest of your post to not be displayed.

>29 WeeTurtle:, >31 Crypto-Willobie:

I had to look up Cthulhu. Apparently it's a fictional character which I have not come across. Although I read some science fiction, I am not well versed in the genre.

>33 bnielsen: Oh my god, yes. I make an arrow using that character. Silly me. Didn't even think of it.

>35 WeeTurtle: Nothing like a bad pun :-)

Matcha Do About Nothing .
etc

Thanks for sharing!

>34 John5918: Call of Cthulhu is the story he's from. He's a creation of H.P. Lovecraft who was himself the creator of cosmic horror, or at least he developed it to the extent that he's near synonymous with the genre. There's a whole Cthulhu/Lovecraft mythos now, that has contributions from many authors like Robert E. Howard and Robert Bloch. I don't know enough sci-fi authors to be able to recognize any but I know some of the stories leaned in that direction.

The Qat in the Hat, featuring Assam-I-Am...

Sorry, I'll get me coat.

The perfect cup of tea:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CrLvncDODMQ/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

>39 2wonderY:

Love it!