i have a very bad habit of impulsively picking up a book based on the cover and title, without reading anything else until I get home. So, when I grabbed this one off the shelf at the library, I didn't expect such a great book.

The story is one that touches my heart as I know someone that committed suicide and I always wondered what I could have done.

After reading all the POVs in the book of Ellie's closest circle, I almost felt like I knew her and I wanted to help her come out of her depression so bad. Though it seems that no one in her circle realized that she was depressed, they all just seemed to think that she was "acting out". It broke my heart to hear all the secrets that they were keeping and how everything came to light was amazing. ( )

This book was sad, amazing, really deep, crazy-beautiful, and... amazing. Just amazing.

The story was told in a weird way. the chapters moved all around on the timeline, sometimes going way back in time to show us the history of the three characters relationships with Ellie, sometimes fastforwarding to show us how they felt in the aftermath of her death.

that made the story feel... Ok, I think that that was a VERY good rhetorical choice on the part of the author, I don't believe the story would have been near as moving if it had been told differently, but i felt that I really only got pieces, not the whole thing. there are huge chunks missing.

Oh, and even though the blurb makes it sound like the three characters found those 34 strips of paper and used them to unravel the mystery of why Ellie died, they didn't. They didn't even look at the strips of paper until the last chapter. And we also never found out if Ellie's death was accidental or on purpose.

But this story was still so beautiful. ( )

This review was originally posted on Melissa's Midnight Musings on November 13, 2012.

All I can say is wow. This book is intense, to say the least.

It touches on so many different issues. In some books, this might be a bad thing, meaning that there's not enough focus and it feels a little aimless, or just like a laundry list of issues to spout off. That's not the case here. While there are lot of issues mentioned within the first chapter or two, it's done in a natural way, so that you don't get bogged down in them.

This book touches on everything from divorce, to drinking, to sexuality, to sexual abuse, and several other complex issues.

It's a very hard book to put down because you get so drawn in, so fast. Or at least I did. And the characters are all so interconnected, in ways that you wouldn't even think of. Ellie is the magnet, the one that draws them all in. To her, and to each other. I think that Ellie enjoyed that, in a way that it gave her power. But, at the same time she was hurting and lost and lonely, even surrounded by all these people that it was just too much for her.

In reading it you might say that Sarah was affected the most, because she attempted suicide with Ellie, but survived, so the survivors guilt must be horrible. Which, I'm sure it is a horrible thing. But, I wouldn't necessarily say that she was the one who suffered the most. I think they all did, in their own way, each equally painful and significant.

I felt the most for Tommy and Jess, because they were the ones who had plenty of secrets of their own to hide, and they were with people who didn't necessarily openly want to be with them, or who were lusting after other people. I'm not mentioning other names because I don't want to give away major plot points or spoilers. Lets just say that when you read it you might be surprised at just how interconnected they all are with each other and some relationships develop that you might not expect, that you'll be rooting for.

The evolution of the characters is intense, as these painful events draw out memories that they want to forget. The evolution of all the characters is significant in it's own way, even the more minor characters like Jake and Ellie's parents. It was good to see the book from both the kids and the adults perspective, which can be rare for YA books. Usually the parents are distant, or not around at all, and in this case, while they were not the major characters, they played more of a significant part in the story.

I also really liked the way that the story was set up, structurally. Each of the chapters was told from a different character's point of view. But, prefacing each of the chapters was one of Ellie's 34 secrets that she kept in a box under her bed. They were secrets about all of them, what she really felt. And each one set up the coming chapter perfectly. I also like how the chapters are titled either "Before" or "After" because I think that's a mindset that many people can get into when a loved one dies. There's life before it happens, and then life after.

I am very glad that I got the opportunity to read this book and I can't wait to see what comes next from Carmen Rodrigues. If you're looking for something to make you think, this is it.

Have you read this? If so, what did you think?
( )

This book was a little confusing, trying to follow each chapter from different characters's perspectives and the before and after. The story was decent, with how there were all sorts of love triangles all over the place. ( )

This book was a little confusing, trying to follow each chapter from different characters's perspectives and the before and after. The story was decent, with how there were all sorts of love triangles all over the place. ( )