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Helmut Saves the World

von Matt Sheehan

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My name is Helmut Haase and I'm one half of the Fog City Detective Agency--specifically, the half that pays all the bills. My partner, Shamus O'Sheehan, mostly drinks beer and naps. I keep him around because he's my friend, but also because he's a Druid. I'm just a detective, and there are plenty of those in Wudong, the Confederacy of Hesperia. There's not another Druid for miles. We had it pretty good until the day we met Alek Pallas. He hired us to track down a thieving employee, and even though something was off, his big fat check was too much to pass up. But the man we found wasn't what we were led to believe, and neither was Alek. I'm talking shape-shifters, fallen angels and a conspiracy involving the vicious Cretan Empire. At least we didn't die. Hope that doesn't ruin the story. Why am I telling you all this? Someday I'd like some credit for saving the world. Maybe not the entire world, and maybe not alone, but I still deserve a medal. And perhaps a cash prize. 31,000 words… (mehr)
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Helmut Haase and his druid partner Shamus O'Sheehan, own the Fog City Detective Agency. Helmut plays the role of heavy and accounting manager, while Shamus uses his druidic powers to help solve cases. Though both men are completely opposite, they are a formidable team. Motivated by a large payday, Helmut ropes Shamus into a case which quickly reveals the darker side of their world.

Though there are elements of the fantastical in this book, Helmut Saves the World is a dime novel masquerading as a detective story. Events tend to happen to Helmut and Shamus, rather than them actually being engaged in a mystery and discovering a solution. Coming in at 105 pages, Helmut Saves the World is a novella and as such, has specific limitations due to length. Sheehan did take great care with his world building to create an alternative earth, with a new history but took no such care with character development or motivation. Helmut Haase is easily one of the most unlikable protagonists that I have had the misfortune to stumble upon in the longest time. He is an avid womanizer, with zero respect for women. His only goal is to amass fortune and display it like a ridiculous peacock. He drips of uninformed hypermasculinity, with absolutely zero nuance. To Sheehan's credit however, I am not at all convinced that readers are meant to truly embrace Helmut.

Female characters exist as little more than conquests to Helmut. He seduces them quickly and discards them like yesterdays refuse. The only two female characters who have any weight in the story are Katina, a woman Helmut lusts after and of course must save, when a man comes on too strong at a bar and Phoebe, whose largest claim to fame was rejecting Helmut's charms in favour of Shamus. To make matters worse, Helmut naturally assumes that Phoebe is a lesbian at first because she doesn't rush to open her legs. Women are simply conquests to be bedded and have far less characterization than the male characters. Which is saying something because the male characters are cardboard cutouts, with Helmut excelling in the role of Gary Stu.

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  FangsfortheFantasy | Apr 24, 2014 |
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My name is Helmut Haase and I'm one half of the Fog City Detective Agency--specifically, the half that pays all the bills. My partner, Shamus O'Sheehan, mostly drinks beer and naps. I keep him around because he's my friend, but also because he's a Druid. I'm just a detective, and there are plenty of those in Wudong, the Confederacy of Hesperia. There's not another Druid for miles. We had it pretty good until the day we met Alek Pallas. He hired us to track down a thieving employee, and even though something was off, his big fat check was too much to pass up. But the man we found wasn't what we were led to believe, and neither was Alek. I'm talking shape-shifters, fallen angels and a conspiracy involving the vicious Cretan Empire. At least we didn't die. Hope that doesn't ruin the story. Why am I telling you all this? Someday I'd like some credit for saving the world. Maybe not the entire world, and maybe not alone, but I still deserve a medal. And perhaps a cash prize. 31,000 words

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